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FEATURED VOXPOP danielrbischoff
Peace in the Era of Call of Duty
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Posted on 04/15/14
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DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: Have You Hugged Your Mail-Person Today?

Posted on Tuesday, February 20 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Call Me Now!
From: "Dark Elf" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: i want to know
how do you decide to put a letter in the message 
board or not? How do you decide even to ANSWER the letter at all??
anser plz,
Dark Elf
Dear Dark Elf,

In the past, deciding which letters to use in the mailbag involved little more than random chance. But thanks to a recent late-night GR gaming binge, we have a new formula. And we think it's flawless.

After gathering together all possible candidates, we focus our chakras and call upon the all-knowing, all-seeing Miss Cleo.

Not only does Cleo tell us which letters we should publish, but she also knows how to improve our financial status and social affairs. She even knows why Brian is cheating on his girlfriend!

Uh, scratch that last bit.

-GR

Social Philosopher or Square Employee
From: "Anatole" (***@go.com)
Subject: Yet another FF7 letter (how many of these 
do you get anyway?) Look, I realize that this may 
seem a bit disjointed to you, it would to any jaded 
fat-arsed chip-covered beer-soaked Baldur's Gate 
playing all-American gamer who equates the term 
Role-Playing Game with pimply nerds sitting about 
a table rolling dice and playing D&D. If I've told 
you once, I've told you four...no...six times that 
*any* system nowadays, especially the PS/PS2, needs 
to be taken with a certain degree of open-mindedness 
towards the Japanese and their Enlightened idea of 
role-playing, which isn't quite as restrictive and 
doesn't involve acne. It's not just Final Fantasy, 
most other Japanese stalwarts such as the Phantasy 
Stars and the Chrono's have this odd mix of 
sci-fi/fantasy/wackness. You can't expect realism, 
even pseudo-medieval-realism, from an RPG, or ANY 
game for that matter. The fact is, FF7 was freaking 
awesome, a blast to play, and a breakthrough game for
the PS1. Is it possible that maybe, just MAYBE, every 
other site in the world isn't kissing up and taking 
bribes from Square & Sony, that everyone else isn't 
wrong, that in fact you, the wonderful Crew at GR, 
are F******G MORONS for giving what is by most other 
accounts one of the top 5 or so PSX games ever a B+?? 
I mean think about the logic here. You're putting it 
on the same level, according to your site's grades, 
with the immensely annoying Bust-a-Groove, the 
eminently derivative Crash Team Racing, and ***Star 
Gladiator***. You say it's an inferior game than (I'm 
trying not to laugh at this point) Spyro 3, 
Skullmonkeys, or Turbo Prop Racing. I shudder at the 
thought of people with your judgment abilities having 
discretion over ANY protion of cyberspace, let alone 
a .com name. I mean, seriously, are you related to the 
guy who told the Blazers to select Sam Bowie ahead of 
Michael Jordan in the '83 NBA draft? The guy who 
green-lighted the New Coke? The critics who snubbed 
Citizen Kane at the '41 Oscars? I guess what I'm trying 
to say is...WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? 
YOU PEOPLE BLEW IT! SUCK IT UP, UPGRADE THE RATING TO 
AN A OF SOME KIND AND APOLOGIZE FOR THIS OUTRAGE!
--Just Venting
The Angry Gamer From Texas
Hey Anatole,

GR just wants to address two of the comments mentioned in the above letter.

Comment 1:
"Is it possible that maybe, just MAYBE, every other site in the world isn't kissing up and taking bribes from Square & Sony, that everyone else isn't wrong, that in fact you, the wonderful Crew at GR, are F******G MORONS for giving what is by most other accounts one of the top 5 or so PSX games ever a B+??"

GR Answer:
No.

Comment 2:
"...the Japanese and their Enlightened idea of role-playing..."

GR Answer:
Enlightened? Oh, like Sengoku Terb? Guardian's Crusade? Rhapsody?

Japan is certainly responsible for some of the most important achievements in video gaming, without a doubt. But calling the Japanese take on role-playing "enlightened" is a bit, uh, short-sighted, and discredits the American take on role-playing...which includes such unenlightened fluff as, um, Dungeons and Dragons.

Alas, we grow weary of this continuing debate. All future FF7 matters will be handled by our lawyers.

-GR

Duke On Ice.
From: "Eric Bolam" (***@tampabay.rr.com)
Subject: hey whats up again
hey again uhh just saying hi and um oh yeah where is 
your company located please write back telling me and 
whats the phone number do u have one i want to talk 
to duke harris or someone else 
Dear Eric,

Our company is located at the eastern end of the Mote of The Unispired, the realm where terrible game ideas (like this one) are spawned. GR vigilantly stands guard in an effort to keep the waves of horrible games from stealing your money. Plus, the rent's cheap.

Our phone # is MH-2000. At least that's what it says on the back of the phone.

And why do you want to talk to Duke Harris anyway? He stopped playing hockey decades ago.

-GR

...uhhh....
From: "Guy" (***@ntlworld.com)
Subject: Web sit
Hello
can you give me a program to upload my website on or make me a 
website which says made by Gael Shaw
Hi Guy,

Sure. Just go to http://www.gaelshaw.com. Oh, is nothing there? Just keep hittng "Refresh." We're hard at work! We promise!

-GR

Where Are They Now?
From: katarn (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: bleemcast shleemcast
Am I the only dreamcast owner that is getting 
extremely peeved at bleem!? At E3 I was promised 
an emulator to rock sony's world, but they haven't 
been able to deliver. I meen, how hard can it be 
to just port the PC to DC? Yes, yes, I know, porting 
is a delicate subject for you reviewers. It has 
proven deadly for many games like Slave 0 for DC. 
The thing I am getting at is why can't they keep 
their promises? Release dates are issued so we know 
when to start saving our pennies for their games. 
I am a student, and I have homework that has to be 
done and it is assigned for wednesday. Does that 
mean i can turn it in 3 monthes later? NO! I have 
a ASC every day(after school crap). Does that mean 
i will be doing right when i get up? NO! Bleem! 
annouced that Bleem! for DC would be release for 
Christmas 2000. 3 monthes have gone by and the 
emulator still isn't out! It isn't like they pushed 
the line back 2 monthes or anything it was like 1 
month and when the deadline was within 2-3 days they 
would bump it back another month! I think "Sal Magic 
Pants" needs to send them to their room to think 
about what they have done.
KATARN
p.s. all you Final Fantasy 7 fans wanting FF7 to be 
an A+...that rating is reserved for the game of the 
all time. a game that reigns supreme over all others. 
a game were no people dispute it's greatness. a game 
that requires no review. if GR says it is an A+, then 
i would shell out my few shillings to get it. 
take that FF7 fans
Howdy Katarn,

We too would like to know the fate of Bleemcast.

For those of you who don't know, last year's E3 revealed Bleemcast, a Dreamcast version of the PC software known as Bleem. Bleemcast allows DC owners to play original Playstation games on their Dreamcast, and those titles would benefit from the DC's superior technology. The result are PSX games that look a lot smoother. From the examples we witnessed at E3, it was very impressive.

Indeed, 8 months later Bleemcast remains a myth only uttered in Junior High bathrooms, which means still no PSX games on the DC.

The legalities surrounding this kind of product make for a potentially long wait. However, we should point out that release dates ain't what they used to be. If you think Bleemcast is taking a while, just think about Daikatana, or Giants, or the upcoming (yeah right) Black and White. Each of these titles had more release date changes than you can count on two hands.

With the recent news that Sega is going to stop producing DCs in favor of focusing on software, we fear that the Bleemcast may never see the light of day. We tried contacting the Bleemcast people, but they said they were going to call us back when they had more info.

That was four months ago.

-GR

Tags:   gr mailbag


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