GR Mailbag: Letters From Hell

Subject: Help.
Hi by name my is Anthony Robinson I want grand 
theft auto3 but mom by mom said I have only $20.00 
and that is not euoght of money. Can you gave me it 
for $18.00 dollars help think about it and e-mail me 
it **********@netscape.net Hhi

Hi Anthony,

Since you have 20 bucks, why would we sell it to you for 18? Simple economic theory tells us that if you have 20 bucks, we should sell it to you for at least 21.

That way, you're forever in our debt, and one day you'll have to do us a favor. Some day, and that day may never come, we'll call upon you to do a service for us...

- GR

From: "Kevin Criscione" (**********@hotmail.com) 
Subject: HELP!
Hey guys, I have a dilemma. Allow me to explain. 
My girlfriend bought her dad Survivor as a Christmas 
present. And well, um, er, he really likes the game. 
Whenever I see him he wants to tell me what a great 
game it is and how cool it is. This is his way of 
"bonding" with me. How do I get this man to see the 
light? This game sucks. Can you believe that somebody 
on this planet actually thinks Survivor is a good game? 
I beg of you, please help me save this man.

Hi Kevin,

Wow. Poor bastard.

We suggest making him play some good games in order to prove that Survivor is, in all fairness, thoroughly awful. Get him hooked on Counterstrike. Install Civ 3 on his computer. Get a Baldur's Gate game and make him stare at it for a few hours.

If all else fails, punch him in the nose. Hard. With a joystick. Then, ask him for fifty bucks, because he clearly has no care for money if he's spending it on Survivor.

-GR

From: "Danny" 
Subject: I'm Confused
They say that, "Practice makes perfect." But no one is 
perfect (I think the makers of Survivor are a prime example), 
so why practice?

Hi Danny,

Because if you don't practice, you won't get better. That is, unless you cheat, which is a nice way to skip the practice part and go right to the perfect part. But then you're not really perfect, right, since you're cheating, eh?

Um....well, if you practice hard enough, you'll get really close to perfect, maybe even so close that if one were to glance quickly they'd mistake you for being perfect. Maybe that's what 'they' mean.

Wow, this has turned out to be a tricky one. I think it all boils down to what it is you're practicing in the first place. For instance, the GR staff has practiced sitting down staring at the TV with incredible discipline, and I think it's safe to say that we now sit in front of the TV "perfectly." We have attained an A+ in sitting in front of the TV.

But currently, we're only getting about a C+ on answering your letter. Guess we need more practice...

-GR

From: "Robert J." 
Dear Game Revolution
You guys may remember me because I am the one 
that asked how to become a man. I tried to 
follow your instructions but almost got myself 
killed in doing so. I looked all around our 
local water fall but was attacked by the homeless 
guy who lives there for tresspassing.  When I got 
home my dad called me a wimpy-girlie boy because 
I couldn't take him on. I have lost all respect 
from my family.  Your advice sucks but you have 
good game reviews.
Robert J.

Dear Robert,

You must have forgotten to refill your 'hearts' meter. And next time, bring your sword! That's the best way to deal with crazy homeless guys who live in waterfalls. Didn't you see The Fisher King? Sheesh. Do we have to spell out everything?

-GR

From: "M Heen" 
Subject: Price reduction
I'll keep this question short and sweet. 
Is there any potential price reduction of game 
consels in the near future? I'd love to buy a 
PS2, but the cost is prohibitive when taking into 
account a few games and a second controller with the 
system. If there is a reduction in the future, about 
when will it come?

Hi M Heen,

Usually, price reductions come during competitive seasons. We just made it through the holidays without a PS2 price drop, and until they feel that they need to lower the price to continue selling units, Sony probably won't be dropping it any time soon.

The next big time for price drops and whatnot is in mid-May during the E3 expo in Los Angeles. If a price drop is coming, it will likely happen there.

-GR