GR Mailbag: Lords Of The Ping

From: "???" (***@aol.com)
Subject: i have bad memories of Aladdin on genesis 
cause of this Have you guys ever killed a man because 
you beat a hard lv of a game and the power goes out 
on you.

Greetings Unfotunate AOL Subscriber,

Ben: Yes.

Brian: Yes.

Shawn: Yes.

Zombie Duke: Brains!

- GR

From: "Jonathan Packer" (***@earthlink.net)

Subject: A disgruntled person
Why do you pretend that your editor/chief writer person 
is a zombie (Zombie Duke)? Why do you pretend/think you 
live in a fortress with a lake/moat full of boiling 
Mountain Dew surrounding it and a wall with stale nacho 
chip shards on some sort of wall around it? There are no 
places of such dimensions in Berkeley, California. One 
more thing. WHY THE HELL DIDNT THOSE LITTLE #@!$& AT 
SEGA RELEASE SHENMUE 2 IN EUROPE AND JAPAN AND NOT 
AMERICA?!!! 
J.P.

Hey Johnathan,

You've obviously never seen the splendor of the GR Kingdom. We have it all - hundreds of bare-skinned gaming maidens, Mountain Dew waterfalls, portable Counter-Strike VR headsets, patrol Wookiees, computers that never crash...

Or maybe there's just too much, you know, wacky tabaccy in the air here. Whatever. We should get a pizza, dude.

-GR

P.S. Ben Silverman is our Editor in Chief. Zombie Duke is merely the Grand Poobah.

From: "???" (***@cs.com)
Subject: And The Spammy Goes To...
Remove me from this email list immediately. Your language 
is awful. My 10 year old has been on your site, and will 
never be allowed on again. You must be a very dense 
individual as you cannot find any other way to express 
yourself without using curse words!

Dear Mystery Writer,

Huh? I mean, sure, GR uses colorful language and at one point or another has used the word 'ass' to describe something other than a donkey, but you won't find anything on GR that you wouldn't find on South Park. In fact, South Park has much, much more poo.

- GR

From: "GR's Dad" (***@grics.net)
Subject: Wow you guys actually reply to your "fans"

Wow its like so unnatural for some people as lazy, 
I mean busy as you GR folks to actually get around to 
replying to emails. GR, there is something I must tell 
you..... I AM YOUR FATHER....

Dear Dad,

Awesome! We've been fatherless for as long as we can remember. You've got a lot of make-up work ahead of you. We're expecting about 5 years worth of birthday presents, Xmas presents and child support.

I'd stay away from Mom, though. She's still pissed that you left us in Vegas for that stripper dressed like Princess Toadstool.

-GR

From: "Daniel Pendleton" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: MGS2 is too better
I agree with what's his name, Metal Gear Solid 2 rocked 
GTA3's world. What in the world were you thinking when 
you picked GTA3. I mean don't get me wrong GTA3 is a 
great game but the graphics are no whwre the same. Take 
the factial features,waving hair as the wind blows and 
match it up against GTA3 graphics. Like you said everyone 
is entilted to there opinion but I hate to tell you , No 
actually I"d love to tel you that your the one wrong. I'll 
be finding myself a different Game Source definately or at 
least find one that can grade a game right. I just feel 
bad for the developers of MGS2 for not getting the reconitio 
they truley deserve.

Dear Daniel,

We don't know where to start. You seem to think that since we gave GTA 3 the GR Game of the Year Award, we must therefore hate MGS 2.

You're nuts. We gave MGS 2 an A. We also gave it the GR Action/Adventure Game of the Year Award. No recognition?

Graphics play a big part in grading a game, but eye candy is not all a game has to offer. How about depth, replayability and, of course, gameplay?

Good luck finding a new "Game Source," since just about every single other magazine on the planet agreed that GTA 3 was the PS2 Game of the Year. And we NEVER agree.

- GR