GR Mailbag: The Mail Must Go On!

From: "***@aol.com"
Subject:XBOX Games
I heard that Xbox games can be played on a computer, is 
that true? If so, are there any specifications that the 
computer must have? Also, do you have to have an xbox 
controller to play the games on the computer? Please write 
back if you know.
Sincerely,
Brian

Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

Sure, you can play Xbox games on your computer. You just need to make sure your computer is an Xbox. In other words, no, you can't, silly wabbit. That's why it's called an "Xbox" and not a "PC."

- GR

From: "Ben"

Subject: what's going on?
I just don't get it. Every three days or so, I come online 
to read your reviews. You're reviews are honest, 
straightforward, and humorous (I read your editor's review rant) 
which is why I keep coming back for more. Due to the fact that 
you never hesitate to point out a game's weaknesses as well as 
strengths, only a select few games reviewed by GR ever recieve 
the coveted 'A,' and only a few more make even an A-. So it was 
a great surprise to me to load up the Grand Theft Auto 3 review 
only to have my eyes blinded by the glorious letter 'A' posted 
at the bottom. "Wow!" I thought to myself, "this game must be 
incredible!" and from the review it certainly seemed that way. 
A few weeks later, back on the GR home page, I noticed that 
the THPS3 review was out. Interested to see how it was faring 
on it's third trip 'round, I quickly snuck a look at the grade. 
Expecting at most a B+, I was amazed to be greeted by none other 
than the 'A' from a few weeks past. And this game was a TRIQUIL! 
(I know, there is no such word) The final nail in my coffin of 
disbelief came with the review for Halo. A game for a system who's 
creators had entered the gaming industry for the first time. A. 
In fact, as of late I've noticed a lot more games have been falling 
into the "B+ and up" catagory. What's going on? Are video game 
creators actually learning how to harness the current, powerful 
technology and use it to create great games? Has it just been an 
"on" time for game creators, a time which heralds a sudden decline 
in quality and increase in quantity in videogames? Have I just been 
halucinating? Please, put my tortured soul to rest!

Hi Ben,

Yeah, we noticed that there have been a preponderance of good grades lately, and it had us worried, too. That sounded stupid, but you get the point.

We attribute the deluge of good grades to the fact that it's the holiday season. Game companies have been holding their best games back until the 4th Quarter because they know that this is when people spend the most money on games, and they want that money!

It's simply a great season to be a geek. The weather sucks, but the games are really starting to kick serious butt. Halo was probably the biggest surprise, though the PS2 trio of A's (Tony Hawk 3, MGS2 and GTA3) sure had us as confused as the next guy.

We hate it. We love to bitch and poke fun. We're like the George Carlin of the gaming industry, only we're older. How can GR be stoic consumer watchdgs if we keep pumping out 'A' after 'A'?

Simple. You can't rip an amazing game just for the hell of it. Sort of defeats the purpose of telling the truth. And the truth is, some of these games actually are in fact amazing.

But make no mistake, bad games are never far from the surface. In fact there's one now...and look, another one!

Whew.

- GR

From: "***aol.com" 
Subject: HELP!
Hi i read your site alot and it kiks ass. i have a non video 
game related problem so i wont be surprised if i dont get a 
reply. My brother is an ass hole. he makes fun of me for 
playing viedo games. he calls me a nerd. he is the worst, 
and if there is a god up there he would have dropped a bus 
on my brother years ago. i really could use some help, 
ignoring him doesnt work and hes like a god to my dad becasue 
he plays sports. im tired of getting pushed around and i 
really need some help. 
Sincerly,
Alex

Hello Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

That's why they make sports video games - so a wee nerd such as yourself can kick your brother's stupid ass at football without getting grass rubbed into your head. So challenge him to a game of Madden and wipe the floor with him.

If that doesn't work, and it probably won't, then we recommend watching Revenge of the Nerds. They came up with plenty of good ideas when it comes to getting back at the jocks. Just don't go around screaming "Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!" all the time or they'll get pissed off.

- GR

From: "Bujen Evil"
Subject:hey hey hey!
Did you know you kick ass?

Hey there Bujen,

We knew ass was kicked, but we weren't sure if we did it or not. Thanks for clarifying.

- GR

From: "INSANEDUSTMITE"
Subject: I'LL MISS YOU 64...
FOR A LONG TIME, I,VE BEEN HEARING THAT
NINTENDO
IS GOING TO DISCONTINUE THE N64 AND ALL ACCESSARIES.
IF THIS IS SO.... I HATE THE WORLD! MY NINTENDO 64
HAS
PROVIDED ME WITH NOTHING MORE THAN HUNDREDS OF HOURS
OF PURE JOY. I CAN'T BELIEVE NINTENDO WOULD DO THAT!
I MEAN, SURE, NINTENDO HAS COME OUT WITH AWE
INSPIRING
GAMECUBE,BUT THATS NO REASON TO PACK UP THE 64 AND
PUT
IT IN THE DUMPSTER!THEY DIDN'T DUMP THE GAMEBOY AND
GAMEBOYPOCKET WHEN THEY INTRODUCED THE COLER,NOR THE
COLER WHEN WHEN THE ADVANCED POPPED UP. I THINK THEY 
SHOULD KEEP IT'S FIRST "HIT" SYSTEM ALIVE! ANOTHER
THING, NOT EVERY ONE CAN GET THIER PARENTS TO COUGH UP
3 OR $400 HUNDRED WHEN THE NEXT NEW AND IMPROVED SYS-
TEM COMES OUT.I'M STILL WITH THE GAMEBOYPOCKET!DANGED
NINTENDO.....BY THE WAY,XBOX IS A RIP OFF! $400! SHEESH.
-INSANEDUSTMITE

Hey Dusty,

Yes, the Big N will discontinue their support for the N64. Yes, it sucks for you, but such is the nature of old systems that aren't backward compatible.

Nintendo's handheld gaming devices continue to deepen the collective Nintendo pocket. This is why they don't dump their existing technology when they produce a newer handheld. The old Gameboys continue to rake in the dough, unlike their bigger sibling, the N64.

And the N64 is far from Nintendo's "first hit system!" That prize has already been awarded to the original NES. The N64 was probably Nintendo's least celebrated platform, mostly due to the controversial cartridge format, expensive games and small number of developers making games for it.

But look on the bright side - you got tons of fun from the system and can keep enjoying it as long as you like.

- GR

P.S. For the record, the Xbox is $300, not $400.