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Welcome Back to the West
By oneshotstop
Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


GR Mailbag: Writing Your Wrongs

Posted on Friday, February 2 @ 19:00:00 PST by Duke_Ferris
Dazed and Confused
From: Andy Herriott <*********>
Subject: Your Genji: Days of the Blade review.

I saw the picture for the review in "Featured Story" section, and I couldn't help but notice the leaves in the background. Is it just me or do those look surprisingly a lot like pot leaves?

Dear Stoned Andy,

Oh, you mean this? Hmmm, we're not really seeing it, man. Hold on a second.

*Takes rip from Skeletor the bong*

Whoa! Dude, my hand looks like a pot leaf now. I'm going to go eat a bunch of Klondike bars and try not to smoke my fingers.


Queer and Present Danger
From: Alfred Duke <*********>
Subject: Neutrality

In light of all of the comments you have recieved from your review on "Left Behind", being completely serious in all of my reasonable senses, I can't help but imagine the "Jesus Freaks" that you insult so well, might actually try to find you and do somthing illegal. No I'm not talking about snorting crack on your door step. Being such a frequent reader of this website I would hate to see one of our hardworking professional reviewers found dead on the Six O'Clock news...I know you are going to find a way to ridicule what I've written but lets see if you actually address the issue for once.

Dear Alfred and/or Duke,

We're not sure how someone snorting crack on our doorstep would have any reprecussions on us, but we are a bit worried about those hardworking professional reviewers. If they really existed, they could totally destroy us. But Jesus freaks? We hear they're quick, and love to wrestle with strapping young men like ourselves, but something tells us their careers are in more danger than ours.


You Might Be a Redneck If...
From: Jeanette Zaykowski <****>
Subject: A parent's perspective

Today, many other organizations including the manufacturer (Ninetendo) and the reseller (Wal-Mart) regarding a video game that, in my opinion, has an inapproriate "E" rating. My initial message to all is as follows:

INAPROPRIATE "E" LESSONS! An E rating is inappropriate for the Nintendo DS game "Animal Crossing-Wild World"? This game is programmed to call the characters offensive names (Redneck), give inappropriate gifts (a gift-wrapped moldy shirt), verbally insult and abuse the character's self-esteem ("You have no style" after the player developed the character), and physically abuse the character (cut the hair). Is this intended to be funny, teach to accept or overlook abuse, encourage abusive behavior? INAPROPRIATE "E" LESSONS!

I've been advised that none of my messages will generate an effective response. However, in a society where abuse is supposedly unacceptable behavior, then overlooking this behavior in a game played by children should not be quietly tolerated.

Thanks for your time. Any assistance or direction for me would be appreciated as well.


Jeannette Zaykowski
Dear Jeanette,

I conferred with Skeletor twice during that first sentence, and it still doesn't make sense to me.

We also talked about Animal Crossing: Wild World and its INAPROPRIATE "E" LESSONS!

If someone called my son a redneck and offered him a shirt and a haircut, I'd be pissed, too. But someone didn't call your son a redneck, your son programmed the game to call him that.

Because your son is a redneck, and that makes you a redneck by association.

So here's our advice: Don't smoke at gas stations, don't eat anything you find on the highway unless you hit it yourself, and always remember: there are three Ps in inappropriate.

- GR

What Are You Smoking?
From: Wildandcraz3guy <***>
Subject: wtf

what the hell is wrong with you people!!!!!!!!!Okami??!!!!!!!!!!!!as the best game of 2006!!!!!!i have never been disappointed with GR till now,i was pissed at IGN for the same reason,i mean come on!!!!!!!!do you guys have a reason to hate Nintendo?!!!!!The Legend of Zelda:Twilight Princess should have been #1,but no,its Okami,Zelda is better than Okami!!!!What was the first RPG???Zelda.What brought RPGs into 3D???Zelda.What is one of the two biggest franchises ever???Zelda.Not Okami,Zelda and you guys should be ashamed,but its not like you care,but i just wanted to let you know how i feel.

Dear Really Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

Best RPG ever, huh? I was going to offer to introduce you to Skeletor, but he says you've already met.


From: Katrina & Robert McCann <***********>
Subject: gamecube

Will games continue being made for Gamecube?

---Life is a dance and I follow the Lord's lead.---Me

---The greatest thing you'll ever know is just to love and be loved in return.---Moulin Rouge

---The Lord may not be there when I want Him to be but He is always right on time.---Unknown

---May your day be filled with music, May your life be filled with song.---Unknown

---Every man's life is a fairy tale, written by God's fingers.---Hans Christian Andersen

---Never B flat, Sometimes B sharp, Always B natural.---Unknown

---To thy own self be true.---Shakespeare

Dear Katrina and Robert,

What's a Gamecube?

- GR

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." -Henny Youngman

"The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money." -Mikael Pawlo

"If you can not answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names." -Elbert Hubbard

"I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member." -Groucho Marx

"Never try to teach a pig to sing. You waste your time, and you annoy the pig." -Mark Twain

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." -James T. Kirk

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