REVIEWSThe Incredible Adventures of Van Review
Van Helsing returns to Borgovia to slay monsters and take revenge. Is the final installment of this popular ARPG series considered a worthwhile conclusion?
In all the talk of graphical downgrades no one seems much preoccupied with 'why?'. Why build something and then proceed to tear it down, piece by piece, in the hope that ever more diminished expectations about the final product won't be severe enough to...
You guys are my official word on videogame buying. I usually
don't buy a game without your consent. I have a few questions.
Why are you so tough on games (nothing has gotten an A+)?
Why are you guys so slow on getting dreamcast reviews? I
would be more then thankful if you guys reviewed the game
Dragon riders chronicles of pern.
We're tough on games because
games are tough on our wallets, and we are firm believers in a balance
Why are we slow with turning
out Dreamcast reviews? Well, we will let you know when we figure that
one out ourselves. We suspect somewhere nearby is a shady postal worker
selling Dreamcast games intended for GR out of the back of his mail
Dragon Rider Chronicles
is, like most games, a potential review piece. But things often deter
that from happening. The game may not be sent to us, or the developers
may kidnap the reviewer to prevent the truth about their game from going
public. There are many factors that can prevent a game from becoming
a review (kind of like how a Bill becomes a law,
but less cute).
In the special case of Dragon
Rider Chronicles, however, good old-fashioned fraud was to blame. Why?
Because there is no dragon riding in Dragon Rider Chronicles.
Believe it or not!
You'll read all about it
in our review...maybe.
GR's 4-Step Guide To Being A Gamer!
Subject: Gaming in college
My name is Jake. Im going to go to college for multi media,
which Im interested mainly in Game development and Animation.
I have a question...2 actually. How do you become a member on
Game-Revolution? And any advice on becoming a gamer?
Thanks for your time.
To become a member you just
need to sign up for our illustrious and fabulously witty newsletter,
which we just signed you up for. Muahaha. Expect that fine piece of
literary magic in your e-mail inbox every Friday. No need to thank us.
But "how to become a
gamer?" That's tricky...
...but thanks to our simple
yet effective 4 step program, you can call yourself a gamer in no time
flat! WATCH all the girls run away! SQUEAL with delight as you get a
couple big zits! LAUGH like a maniac as you spray a room full of Terrorists
down with the colt in CS!
1. You will need to
obtain a video game playing device. A console or PC will do. Game Boys
don't qualify as you are still able to travel, see the light of day
and be social. Lame!
2. Next, you need
to locate a convience store, something as close to your gaming device
as possible. 7/11s are great for this but anything will do - liquor
stores, vending machines, whatever. This will be your supply depot where
all essential stomach churning snacks
and syrupy sweet, carbonated beverages are purchased.
3. Exercise...or to
be specific, the lack thereof. Here what we are trying to achieve is
a nice roundness to the physique,
nothing debilitating. Remember, you need to make those speedy trips
to your "supply depot." A sizeable beer belly is acceptable.
4. Of greatest importance
is nerdy gamer jargon. Like the art of proper Dorito cunsumption, becoming
fluent in gamer jargon is a long process requiring years of cultivation.
- Use words like "polygonal" and "z-buffering" in
- Come up with three ways to use the word "gameplay" in a
- Replace normal words with gamer words. Example: "That waitress
has the cheat code to my heart. She r0x0rs!"
Presidential Speach Impediments?
From: "A informed gamer"
I love your reviews, because they are witty and funny.
But will you guys quit picking on Gorge Bush. I mean,
I would rather have a person who talks with a lisp.
Then a serial rapist, murderer, swindler, and a lier
that we had in office last term.
A informed game
Subject: What do these games have in common!?!?
In response to "What do the games Bonker Jerks 2,
Turbo Can-Kick XL: I Think I Can, Hugh Hefner's Pro
Skater 4: Playmate of the Year Edition and
Stephen Hawking's Kart Racer all have in common?"
I would have to say that they have all slept with
Gary Condit WAAAAOOOOH!
Now that's just not nice
- correct, but not nice. I bet you could sell that information to the
authorities for a pretty penny. Chandra Levy's parents would thank you.
Now see if you can answer
us this: Why are politicians
so damn shady?
From: "Ryan Thompson"
I have a quick question. Why don't you ever say bad
things in your previews? Considering that your reviews
are so harsh (but fair), I'd think that your previews
would be a bit more critical, too. Just seems kind of
off balanced. Well, seeya.
Hey there Ryan,
While it seems that the only
thing separating a preview from a review is the letter 'p', there's
actually another major difference betweeen the two. Previews
are written about games that have yet to be completed. We can't really
critique a game that isn't done, which is why game companies and fans
How stupid would we look
by if we complained about something and then found that it was fixed
in the finished version? That's just not fair. Previews mainly exist
to just get the word out on upcoming games and better describe the ins
and outs. We save all the bad bits for the final product review bashing.