Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
From: John Carruthers Subject: angered and rejected
I was very shocked and saddened to see that your avatar upload feature is not functioning correctly. I was attemping to upload a picture of my favourite pet iguana Lizzie but after spending ages preparing a suitable graphic circa your avatar requirements (which included a call to my brother in law Harry, and lord knows thats never pleasant since that time last xmas when he made that embarrassing faux pas at the dinner table but we dont talk about that anymore, after all the spoons are very easy to mix up and mothers never been entirely reasonable when it comes to the holiday period). I even downloaded a graphic program to 'crop' (i believe thats the term) the picture into size. People should really make resizing easier though the photographs of the king i got off the inter-net dont fit well on my screentop.
Please cancel my account immediately and i suggest you dont have a public forum if it cant function as expected. If i had paid for this service in a shop i would certainly be entitled to some sort of refund, and certainly morally i feel this is the case here for the pure time expenditure on my part. I`ve spent more time working on this than planned and need to hurry out to the 24 hour convenience store to get my foot cream before it closes. I would be interested to hear how we could make our peace though. I`m a big follower of your game and hope this devil may care attitude does not carry on to your future releases and that many others do not have to protest before rectification occurs.
Very embittered and somewhat aghast at this state of affairs,
We are very saddened to hear that you had trouble with our forums. Or possibly someone else's forums. Or a game of some sort.
However, we couldn't help
but notice that you are clearly not the fictitious "John Carruthers,"
and are really the Comic Book Guy.
From: "Decomposed L. Site" Subject: The art of creation is older than the art of killing.
Home of gigant penises!
Better a dish of illusion and a hearty appetite for life, than a feast of reality and indigestion therewith.
Tons of massive penises downloadable movies!
A young man who does not have what it takes to perform military service is not likely to have what it takes to make a living.
Hundreds of exclusive mega dicks images.
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
Hardcore real-time f*** presentations.
History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.
Bitches who need huge dicks.
A Constitution should be short and obscure.
16" Mega-Size in small p*ssy!
I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day.
Your damned nonsense can I stand twice or once, but sometimes always, by God, never.
We cannot possibly let ourselves get frozen into regarding everyone we do not know as an absolute stranger.
We are intrigued by your succinct words of wisdom.
Massive penis overload!
It reminds us of the early writings of Confucius.
Gigantic dick frenzy club!
History will surely record your writings among the great philosophers.
From: ********@aol.com Subject: Help, for the gamers sake (and mine)
All over the internet (okay, maybe at three or four different sites,
but its still a notorious problem) gamers speak out and complain about
a fustrating subject matter which plagues anyone who is not a foreign
language linguist. Pronunciation. We have games, created in Japan and
shipped to the states, and in no way do our friends at Square, or Atlus,
or Idos, ever attempt to help their loyal consumers out with the more-than-difficult
pronunciation of some of these names. "Beoulve", for one example,
the hero in Final Fantasy Tactics (which I believe recieved an UNFAIR
review, might I add), Celes, and Locke, from Final Fantasy 3, which
are so often mispronounced as "LockEE" and "CeEElEEs",
and the notorious CHOCOBO, which I have heard called a hundred different
things, all in one, niave dialect. We need help!
I ask you, o' wise game-revolutions editor, dedicate time in clearing
up these widely known miscommunications among our allies.
"Ahhhhh.... Another game based on a movie. This time, however, the game is based on an awful movie, which was the sequel to a pretty bad movie (somehow completed despite the untimely death of the lead actor, Brandon Lee), which was based on a slightly better than average comic book. Did you follow all that? I bet you can guess what it all adds up to. Crap."
for one the crow movie is actually a really great movie. the sequel
did suck yes i agree, but the first movie has inspired millions and
actually had alot more going on than the average assh*le would pick
up on. the comic book is alot better than average and if a serious developer
actually took the time to do THE CROW justice you would have one kick
ass game. your comment about the gothy artsy appearance the main character
possesses greaty offends me, me being a goth myself. and if other goths
where to look at that comment they would be too. its not good to just
throw away a majority of your readers by insulting their style. and
if you actually knew anything about the production of the movie. the
reason why they managed to finish it was because Brandon Lee(son of
Bruce Lee) died during the last 3 days of shooting and since the movie
was for the most part completed they cut no more than 4 or 5 scenes.
if you have something against goths and the artsy types id like to see
how you feel about yourself. those who dislike others because of how
they dress and live their life if it doesnt hurt you directly, are nothing
short of pathetic.
thank you and have a nice day.
Unfortunate Goth AOL Subscriber,
Our recent Halloween Horrors feature had a big link to the pathetic excuse for a game that was The Crow. And of course, that led to yet another volley of hate mail that we like to simply call Crow Mail.
Look, goth guy, it's simple.
Wearing black eyeliner and a studded wristband does not make your
pain special. You will never be a vampire, and you cannot cast
spells using a black candle. Pretty much, you just look silly. But if
that's how you want to live, have fun. Er, not fun. Depression. Whatever
it is that makes you happy.
matter how much you try, there is simply no way to convince us that
The Crow video game didn't completely suck. Now go
re-read all your Anne Rice novels and leave us alone.
A Murder Of Crows!
From: Greg Sharman Subject: the crow
how the hell was that an unbiased review! u slagged one of the best
ever movies going, shows how much u computer nerds know about nefing, u
compared the game to the film, which is not inteligent ,like u said the
review would be, because its impoosible to compare the two! and just
because the game doesnt impress u, doesnt mean u have to stop people
buying it!!! stick to what u are best at, waking of to animal porn on ur
computer screen before daddy comes home!! or is that it, are u mad at ur
dad? is that y u are so negative? upoor s.o.b.
Your meaningless ranting,
horrifying grammar and nearly indecipherable spelling is not
the first e-mail we've received regarding The Crow.
In fact, it's not even the first one this week. How embarrassing for
If only you and the goth
guy above could help ease one another through this painful existence.
We'd put you in touch, but since you're across the pond and we have
no idea where goth guy is from, perhaps you can find solace
here! Beware the spider!