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Release date: 05/01/17

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Welcome Back to the West
By oneshotstop
Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


GR Mailbag: No Postage Necessary

Posted on Monday, October 1 @ 12:13:14 PST by Duke_Ferris
ABC! As Easy as EMP.
From: "Bryan B"
Subject: E- bomb
At the risk of being a complete nerd, i just had to clarify 
something that was in the mailbag last week. The "bomb" that 
the reader is describing is not acutally bomb, it is a 
secondary effect of a nuclear explosion. It is actually 
called an EMP, electro magnetic pulse. I believe it is 
caused when a nuclear weapon is detonated in the atmosphere 
some distance from the ground. Any electrical device within 
the radius of the EMP will cease to function. But to my 
knowledge this is the only way an EMP can be produced with 
"current" technology. And as for the Pentagon, just about 
every single military related project in the country traces 
back to the Pentagon in some way. Now that I've confirmed 
my being a nerd, I just wanted to say that you guys are the 
only online gaming mag i use. Keep up the good work and 
have a nice day. 
Bryan B 

Hi Bryan,

Thanks for setting us ignorant civilians straight! Now please report to your local humiliation center for your weekly wedgie.

- GR

P.S. Exactly how do you know so much about e-bombs, Mr. Bryan B...if that is your real name?

New 'Collector Edition' Editors.
From: "OyajiCool135"
Subject: i wanna game review.... i want a Shawn Sanders to do a Armored Core 2: Another Age. Its made by Agetec. thank you to do so very much, sn: OyajiCool135

Hi OyajiCool135,

You're just looking for any ol' Shawn Sanders? Not the special gold-tooth edition Shawn Sanders? Well, lucky for you we have an old, run-down original version Shawn Sanders and an Amored Core 2: AA review. We hope you enjoy them both.

- GR

P.S. Please don't feed the Shawn Sanders! He bites.

Enemy Spotted...
From: "matt mitler" 
Subject: Counter-Strike just an A?
It is obvious that you guys over at GR are obsessed
with CS. Well I cant deny it either that is also my
favorite game ever. So I keep on wondering why you
didn't give CS an A+? You said it yourself that at the
end of the review "Half-Life: Counter-strike has
redefined online play. This game has more potential
and more online gaming goodness than any other game
I've ever played. While better things surely await us
in the future, Counter-strike is a video game
*=revolution=* you can take part in right now. " So
whats up?!

Hello Matt,

There's no doubt about it - within the hallowed confines of the GR compound, CS easily gets the most play of any game on the planet. We cheer, we scream, we curse at the monitor and we constantly pose the rhetorical question "Who's your daddy?" to scores of invisible players. Half-Life: Counter-Strike is more fun than it should be.

But it ain't perfect.

For starters, there's no real single player component. We hate that this great game requires either a working Internet connection or a room full of computer buddies to set up a decent LAN game. I don't think any of us even bothered with that lame Training crap.

Plus, the learning curve is too steep. As hardcore gamers, we find any challenge to be delightful, but many will be angered and turned off by the difficulty. Without a single player mode to hone your skills and learn to play, it takes some serious playing time and patience to get going.

Keep in mind that a GR "A" is pretty much the equivalent of other sites' 10 out of 10. We leave the A+ untouched mainly to keep it all in check. We take perfection very seriously, and while CS is top-notch and tons of fun, it's not flawless.

- GR

Undead 101
From: "***"
Subject: none

I have a few questions for you regarding Zombies. The first is that how must you become a Zombie? Is there a club to join, special food to eat, or what? The second is HOW DID ZOMBIES START? I saw the movie "Night of the Living Dead" and it explained nothing! All that happens is: "They're coming to get you Barbara!" and then they come and get her! No intro to how it happened or anything! At least in the Resident Evil series they tell you, but that movie, one of the first movies regarding Zombies, didn't metion anything. Also, why don't Zombies fall and trip when walking? It would seem that they're so careful about that when they're the living dead, or the undead, or the unliving dead - WHATEVER!!! They're still dead and they're so careful about falling. It doesn't hurt when they get shot or anything so why do they walk so slow!? Last question: Do Zombies play PC games, or console? Yours Truly, The Famous Uncle Jemima, And The Infamous "Thunder Rabbit", Signing off.
Hi Brian... err... Uncle Jemima,

First I'd like to congratulate you on your newfound interest in zombies. Many amatuers have tried to answer the questions you ask. It's curiosity like yours that reassures us older zombies. I feel confident that the new generation of walking dead will continue our traditions of shambling, breaking things, eating brains and hiding the Raven crest in an unlikely place.

The easiest way to become a zombie is to be bitten by a zombie. While painful, this is the traditional method and is considered a rite of passage by orthodox zombies. Other "modern" methods include injecting yourself with the T-virus, breathing the fumes from a toxic spill, or being controlled by a Voodoo Bokor who feeds you the zombie cucumber... which brings us to food.

Ahhh brains, delicious brains. Both zombie connoisseurs and that charming Dr. Hannibal Lecter understand the true delicacy of the human brain. Some zombies stick to traditional American zombie cooking, like zombie meatloaf. Other less sophisticated zombies will eat almost any piece of rotting flesh, including Taco Bell gorditos. And, as mentioned before, the Voodoo zombie slave craves the cucumber.

Zombies never trip and fall because our shambling is an art form. It's all about style. Our slow, choreographed ballet is far more terrifying than simply walking up and hitting things, and only slightly less terrifying than Riverdance.

Finally, zombies are reduced to playing primarily console games. Most of the zombie games for the PC have been terrible.

Bartender! Another Zombie!

- Zombie Duke
From: "Steven"
Subject: Please help
I need a bit of professional advice please.
My current computer is very out of date. I'm having 
increasing problems with "hiccupping" and crashing 
while playing my games. I'm also finding myself 
setting all gameplay options WAY down just to get 
the damn things to run. Even with non-3D games like 
the Baldur's Gate series (which I freakin' love and 
in my opinion is the best conversion of D&D paper 
games ever; if you know of any better please let me 
know) I'm having serious problems.
For sh*ts and giggles sake I'm currently running an 
AMD K62 400MHz computer with some generic 2D card 
with I think only 1MB of memory and a Monster 3D2 4 
or 8MB 3D card. (I'm now hanging my head in shame) 
Oh yeah, a Quantum Bigfoot 6.4 gig hard drive. 
(OUCH!!) I also really need a new monitor.
I would like to get a whole new computer, but I'm 
on a very limited budget. (donations are joyously 
accepted) So what I would like from you guys is to 
take me by the hand and walk me down the path to 
putting together a new computer, please. Well, 
actually I know how to put it all together but I am
very behind in my knowledge of what is currently 
being offered to gamers. 
I also would like advice on whether or not I should 
even bother putting one together or buying a whole 
new computer from some company. I've been to a site 
for a company named Alienware ( which 
supposedly tailor makes gaming machines. They look 
pretty good to me, but they are expensive. I'm aware 
of the problems with buying whole machines (such as 
future upgrade problems), but again I'm on a budget 
so this cheaper route looks inviting. The warranties
and customer support look nice too, but all new 
computers come with Windows ME which I've seen you 
guys write sucks for gaming because of compatibility 
problems. Which brings me to this question. Which OS 
works best with games and where can I get a full copy 
since all I have is endless upgrades from DOS 6.22 to 
Windows 95.  I'm running Windows 98 currently, but I 
don't have access to another copy so if this quits on 
me I'm back a peg.
Pretty much to sum it all up I need advice on how to 
get the most bang for my buck here, and how I could 
best limp my tired computer along for a while more. 
I know just a new video card would help my computer 
a lot, but this whole thing is getting old and tired 
and I'd like a whole new one. One other point I could 
use advice on is what companies can be trusted to buy 
from for parts or whole computers.
I know this e-mail was long and probably a bit 
meandering (I'm very tired, I tried to be concise) so 
I'll list my questions right here:
1. Parts or whole computer?
2. Where to get these items?
3. Which OS for best gaming?
4. Where to get said OS?
5. How to stretch a dollar to its maximum.
So there it is.
Many thanks in advance,
P.S. I absolutely love your site for its quick 
streamlined interface, extremely brutal accurate reviews, 
and hilarious witty (sometimes caustic) humor. Again thank 
you very much for your time and advice.

Howdy Steven,

Wow. Big letter. Let's cut to the chase.

1. Parts or whole computer?

We almost always go the parts route becasue we hate buying whole computers. You often get things you don't want or need. But like Cain, it's not the path you choose but how you walk it. And wether you buy or build, here are some rules of thumb to follow to make sure your geek-fests are fast and stable.

For starters, get a new video card. A 2D card and a crappy 3D card? Harumph, we say! You want a video card with at least 32 MB of video memory and at least 256MB of system memory. You should be able to find an older Geforce or Geforce 2 card for plenty cheap.

Your motherboard should have a 4X AGP slot. And you're gonna need a nice size hard drive (25+ GB) that is fast and preferably quiet.

If you don't have the money for a whole new system, then try upgrading with more memory. 320MB is good for slower CPUs. Remember, you can never have too much RAM. Just make sure it's all the same brand or at least compatible with different memory sticks.

However, the general rule of thumb with computers is a "goodness of fit" model - having 3 billion MB RAM with a Pentium 90 is a poor fit and you'll find that you won't really be maximizing your power.

2. Where to get these items?

You can go to or for the best price comparisons and a list of retailers selling the part you are looking for. And you can always use to check and see how that reseller is rated for efficiency and customer support.

3. Which OS for best gaming?

The absolute best OS for gaming right now is, oddly, Windows XP. It's the most stable OS Microsoft has put out, completely dusting WinME or 2K . It comes with more driver support than ME and seems to have fewer problems than Win '98, which we still run in the GR office.

Shawn's been running XP Professional at home for about a month now and he loves it.
The full version of Windows XP should be out early next month.

4. Where to get said OS?

From your friendly neighborhood evil Microsoft representative, of course!

5. How to stretch a dollar to its maximum.

Hey, we're gamers, not economists. Try pulling real hard. Or just remember that there's a reason why some things are more expensive than others. If you want a top of the line experience, you're going to have to drop some coin.

- GR

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