March 2014: Buy, Try, or Die
[Update: Short List Added] A full release list for March, including Titanfall, MGS: Ground Zeroes, BioShock Infinite: Burial at Sea Part 2, and inFAMOUS: Second Son.
MOST POPULAR FEATURES21 Greatest Pokémon of All Time
Can you believe there are now six generations of Pokémon? Six!! That's a crazy amount of different creatures to collect. But which are the cream of the crop? Don't worry, Magikarp isn't actually one of them.
[Yep, I flipped the image... see what I did there? Ed. Nick]
I was not originally a fan of FFVII ; in fact, I remember looking at the commercials in the '90s and finally purchasing the game only to realize the commercials only showed CGI scenes. I was young and needless to say...
Subject: wet attack
Is there only one "wet attack" game?
i bought my boyfriend the lula wet attack pc cd game..
"the empire cums back" by cdv software. well, what else can you
buy a man who has everything? [giggle]
anyway, i have seen the 'cheats' but do they relate to the
pc cd game cos we can't find out where to enter the codes?
also, when in the space-ship, after shooting at the earth police,
the game freezes.[am using a wingman extreme joystick]
i found a patch on the cdv website,and installed it, but
it doesnt seem to have made any difference. i appreciate
its an old game, but it looked fun to play, i would like to
know if anyone else has played it or has any useful info. also,
i have seen the cheat codes, but no-one explains how to
When we first read your letter, we figured you were just a lonely guy
looking for cheats for a cheesy pseudo-porn game. Then we read it again,
and we realized that you bought Wet
Attack for your boyfriend, which means either:
1.) You're a girl, and you're out of your mind.
2.) You're a lonely guy looking for cheats for a porn game and you're
lying to us.
What else can you buy a man that has everything? How about a new shirt?
How about some cool CDs? But Wet Attack?
Once a man gets a taste of computer gaming porn, it's all over for the
relationship. Just ask Duke, who once lost a relationship over Custer's
You Have Offended The Shaolin Banana
Subject: The monkey
I have noticed that on the Features page there is
often a picture of a monkey next to the Penny Arcade
link. I have never seen this monkey in one of the
cartoons before. Who is he and what does he have to
do with the comic?
Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,
You mean Mr.
Tails? He made several appearances in older PA strips, though
he seems to be on an extended vacation.
Hi we just got this game. We are not sure how to
open doors or gates. Do they open? If so how do you
open them? Thanks chill7
To open doors, simply grab
the doorknob with your hand. Then, twist your hand at the wrist. If
it doesn't do anything, twist it the other direction.
Ultimately, this is what
you're going for. Good Luck!
Someone Needs A Girlfriend
Subject: (no subject)
in baldurs gate dark alliance, i take off the elven girls armor
and have her fight in her underwear. is that wrong?
Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,
Please read the first mailbag
From: "lord otaku"
so here i am sitting with my friend when she hands me
this weird game, i think she called it a dating sim. i played it.
kinda fell in love with it. got me thinking.
japan gets to have a lot more games then we do. they try lots of
different styles and range from the plain weird, to the down
right hard core pornographic.
exactly how many games exsist that we have never heard about
that are controversial, pornographic and/or just plain fuggin
im talking naked anime chicks vs. poo flinging monkeys in a
battle for the pink banana of flatulance.
dont know why i want to know....maybe its just a
mood im in....
Indeed, Japan is known for
some of the strangest games ever. Recent oddities like Mister
Mosquito just scratch the surface. There was Irritating Stick,
which requires ointment. And how about Stretch Panic, which featured
the exploits of a little girl and her demonic scarf. It also scared
the pants off my sister.
Speaking of losing your pants, our favorite weird new Japanese game
is Boonga Boonga, in which you must ram a plastic finger up a
fake plastic ass. No,
we're not lying.