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FEATURED VOXPOP oblivion437 Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that.  It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece.  I strongly recommend anyone...

DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: Now the Demented Have a Home

Posted on Monday, May 1 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Better Than Money !
From: Mika (*****@aol.com)
Subject: Voluntary work or payed labor?
I would just like to ask if you guys are actually getting 
payed to sit there and play games all day or do you do this 
as a hobby.
-Mika Mage
Hey Mika,

Of course we get paid. And we get to name our salary too, isn't that keen? Duke gets paid in Underoos (he demands that they be Wonder Woman or Jayna from the Superfriends, limited editions). Ben gets paid in Yanni albums. Colin prefers old episodes of Bonanza dubbed in Punjabi. Shawn decided on tiaras made of lifesavers to go with the Miss America outfit that he insists on wearing to work. And all our writers get pickled mango seeds on Fridays.

Paid in full, baby!

-GR, an equal opportunity employer!

Mmm...Pole Taste Good!
From: Bazil (*****@bellatlantic.net)
Subject: video Games
i was wondering if you guys were stupid or something!
where in the world is the other duke nukem la meltdown 
and where the heck is doom ya' ignorent people! And i 
think that your opinion doesn't really even matter 
because IF YOU EVER IN YOUR LIFE AGAIN COMPARE DUKE 
NUKEM TIME TO KILL WITH SYPHON PHILTER I WILL RIP YE' 
O' FAITHFUL TOUNGES OUT AND STICK EM' TO A FROZEN 
POLE LIKE IN A CHRISTMAS STORY.GLAD WE GOT THAT
STRAIGHT. THANKS FOR LISTENIN' DUDES!!!!!!!
Hey Bazil,

Man, you're really getting worked up considering that our "opinion doesn't even matter." And for future threats regarding the 'glosso' region...go right ahead. Due to our grossly enlarged brains, we prefer to communicate via mental telepathy. No tongues needed...Vulcan mind melds, all the way.

P.S. We loved you in Fawlty Towers.

-GR

Put Down The Wild Turkey
From: (*******@aol.com)
Subject: Hey
CAN U SEND ME THE SIMS FOR FREE
Sure thing! Just a few provisos:
- Long Hair
- Long Legs
- Hourglass Figure
- A willingness to bump off the competition

Send measurements and a list of your previous assassinations to:

740 Gilman
Berkeley Ca, 94710.

-GR

Gopher to Pink Cherub! Gopher to Pink Cherub!
From: justin (******@midusa.net)
Subject: operation ps2
foxhound to yellowbird
foxhound to yellowbird
target has the package
repeat target has the package
proceading to check point alpha as ordered
requesting information
import playablity
mod chip probablity factors
unit 6 has set the charges and is awaiting further instructions
over
Gopher to Pink Cherub
Gopher to Pink Cherub
message acquired
troops have been deployed
snipers in position
response coming in...
...and uh...well...no one knows.

-GR

'My brother can beat up your brother'
From: ryan nott (******@hotmail.com)
Subject: Fwd: Fw: Screen name alert (do not delete)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ON JUNE, 23 2000 AOL WILL START TO MONITOR YOUR
ACCOUNT WHILE YOU ARE ON OR
OFF LINE WE KNOW HOW TO STOP AOL FROM DOING
THIS.
THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN.
IF YOU SEND THIS TO 10 PEOPLE IN THE NEXT
83
MINUTES, WE WILL PROTECT YOUR
ACCOUNT. IF YOU DONT, THAN WE WILL LOAD A
VIRUS IN
YOUR ACCOUNT. IF YOU
THINK WE OUR KIDDING AROUND THAN JUST TRY
US!
Mr. Nott.

Wow! This looks really authentic. We will comply most expeditiously. Please sir - don't send us a virus. Or I will tell my big brother, and he is bigger than you.

-GR

Tags:   gr mailbag


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