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Welcome Back to the West
By oneshotstop
Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


GR Mailbag: One Sexy Bag of Male(s)

Posted on Tuesday, February 19 @ 12:13:14 PST by Duke_Ferris
Stop This FPS, I Want to Get Off.
From: "Scott Kurz" (***
Subject: why?
I like your critical don't say a mediocre
game is great!
Anyway, I like console games mostly, but I tried
some FPS action on the PC, Half-Life and Serious
Maybe I am just a wimp or really sensitive but
I got some bad motion sickness after playing for 
a little. And it's not like I was moving the mouse 
all over the place making myself dizzy...I was 
actually doing pretty good with the control scheme.
Is this normal? Do people get used to this? 
If it is I'll play until this doesn't happen any more,
but if not forget fun.
Any advice?
Thanks a lot...
Poughkeepsie, NY

Hello Scott,

Oh yeah...the old motion sickness. It must be a recessive gene or something. Many gamers are plagued by it, especially in FPS games (and even more so in corridor-heavy ones like Half-Life).

GR writer A. A. White is one of the most hardcore gamers we know, and she too is afflicted with motion sickness. She can't play Quake III, Unreal, or even the new super-cool Medal of Honor: Allied Assault. Oddly enough, she can play Counter-Strike all the live long day. Told you it's the best game ever. Hehe.

Focusing soley on the cursor in FPS games (as opposed to the other moving objects) has helped some people. It also helps to avoid playing when you're really tired.

Honestly, we're not doctors and we're not sure how to prevent it. The level of motion sickness seems to vary from geek to geek.

But we think the best cure is persistence and repetition. Who cares that you're sitting in a pool of your own vomit when you just single-handedly won the round by picking off the last five CTs wielding nothing but a desert eagle?

- GR

P.S. If your doctor asks who gave you that advice, say "Gamespot."

It's Like a Finger Pointing A Way To The Moon...
From: "Robert" (***
Subject: info what credentials do you need to have to work for your site? Please send your respond to:****

Hey Kyle,

It's easy! All you need is a plain sheet of white paper with the word CREDENTIALS written across in big, bold letters.

Oh yeah, and it has to be signed by Bruce Lee.

See ya at work.


Holy Ass-Kissing, Batman!
From: "Christopher Miller" (***
Subject: Thank you!
This is a message for Brian Gee, Ben Silverman, Shawn 
Sanders, Johnny Liu, and all of the others who have made 
me laugh so incredibly much while keeping me informed in 
the expansive universe of gaming.I am actually praying 
for another game to come out that is as bad as Survivor 
so that I can enter into the state of absolute hysteria 
once again upon reading your review. My bet is that the 
game will be the MMORPG Survivor 2 where you can actually 
have a 3-way between Jerri, Elisabeth, and Tom the goat 
I thoroughly enjoy the rhetoric included within each review 
(both hardware and software) with one of my favorite phrases 
being, "Holy spatial nightmare, Batman!" The pictures and 
soundbytes (nascar_krusty and survivor_survive to name a 
few) add that much more to the reviews wherein they occur.
I absolutely have no clue why those who critique you cannot 
at least do it intelligibly, but I hope that you have other 
visitors like myself anxious to read Game-Revolution's 
intelligent, creative, cerebrally-bastardized take on a 
given topic. I will be buying some new hardware in the near 
future and you have definitely helped in the decision-making.
Hopefully, Game-Revolution is going strong and I can count 
on you for reviews and entertainment in the future. 
No pressure. In conclusion, "Holy Ass-Kissing, Batman" may 
be an appropriate header for this message, but that's fine as 
long as you keep the reviews, previews, and mailbags coming.
Thank you once again!

Dear Christopher,

Wow, what a wise, insightful e-mail! Many thanks.

Now kindly remove your nose from our collective buttcrack, as we need to go to the store and it's hard to ride a bike with a face attached to one's ass.

- GR

Wallhack Found! Initiating Ban Protocol: H4x0r Die Sucka!
From: "dhony" (***
Subject: why!!!!!!
hi i'm doni from indonesia. i want u to teach me about counter-strike cheats ok --


Not if your very life depended on it, you dirty rotten cheater!


Kiss of The Dragon.
From: "Robert NOYB" (***
Subject: why?
Hey there. I know you guys are massively busy playing 
games and all, but I just felt like I had to voice a 
bitch to you. I'm just wondering if you guys even proof 
read each other's evaluations of games. I ask because the 
guy who rated Drakan on the PS2 dropped the ball big time, 
and the rest of you did too for not smacking this 
individual up-side his fat head. How in the hell did you 
give FFX a better score than this game is beyond me and 
probably everyone else. The guy's biggest bitch about Drakan 
is repetivness? Gee, what the hell else is there besides 
killing outside, or killing in a dungeon? Uh, lets go to 
some other demensions or something and find something to 
kill? Then you goofballs would complain about what a goofy 
story it is. What a friggin moron. But FFX, which has the 
same stupid gameplay through the whole annoying game gets 
an A? WTF? Are you guys dolts or what? Hell, even the lame 
"Blitzball" crap mini-game in that "game" is the same 
unbelievably stupid, "select a command" method of playing. 
Even calling such a stupid premise for a game an RPG is an 
outrage. You guys call it an A! Needless to say, I bought 
this crappy game based on your evaluation and it was a 
complete let down. I went on my own instincts on Drakan 
and am happy as hell. I guess I need to learn to look past 
the stupidity that you guys write into review. I have to 
remember that your are all probably grunge generation 
rejects that somehow learned to type.
I know nobody is perfect, but here is what's going on at 
your publication: your god-damn heads are getting too big. 
You put so much into your own rating, that you are holding 
your own rating system in higher esteem than the games they 
were made to rate. You think you guys are God's end for all 
game rating publications but you are just full of it. Its to 
the point now that you're more worried about giving out an A 
because it might tarnish your stupid rating system. Well, 
just like any other business that rests on its laurels, you 
guys are back pedaling now too because its backfiring on you 
now. Reading your responses to readers input, it was clear a 
year ago that you people think more of your own thoughts than 
what everyone else does. I never once heard you guys admit 
error, ever. This time I had to write though. Did you know 
yours is a consumer based service? We're not reading your 
crap because of your outstanding literary skills, in case 
that's what you think.
You guys just lost a ton of credibility. Now, your lame 
attempts at humor is the only advantage you have going 
because any honor in your ratings just went out the window. 
Okay, I'll take that back, some of your sh*t is funny. 
But you need to go back to basics for judging games.

Hi Rob,

Wow. Someone had too much coffee this morning. Settle down. Remember to breathe. In with the good, out with the bad...

Obviously, we're sorry that you didn't agree with our reviews for Drakan and FFX, though the two games aren't really comparable. One is a role-playing game, the other an action title. Is Gran Turismo a better game than Tomb Raider? Would you ever try to compare the two?

Drakan is a very good game - no doubt about that. We enjoyed it, hence the B grade. Still much of the gameplay comes directly from the PC version years ago, and the adventure bits with Rynn on foot bring nothing new to the action/adventure table. Oh heck, you read the review, we won't repeat it here.

By the way, the average grade for Drakan according to about 15 game publications is an 80%. Guess most reviewers agreed with the B.

For the record, we've admitted mistakes more times than we care to admit - you just haven't been looking. Just recently Duke admitted that the PS2 version of Silent Hill 2 should have received a lower grade than he initially gave it. He wrote this in the Xbox Silent Hill 2 review.

We'll let the deluge of insults slide, because, well, we're good at that. However, we're not sure why you're so angry at us for just reviewing games in the first place. We call 'em like we see 'em - if you agree with us, awesome. If you don't, bummer.

"You put so much into your own rating, that you are holding your own rating system in higher esteem than the games they were made to rate."

Hey, we didn't bring up the grades in the first place, did we? We say this over and over again, but once more, with not focus so much on the grades. We don't. We base our grades purely on the reviews. So stop worrying about why one game gets a B while another gets an A-. Read the reviews, and if you still dislike our opinions, then you probably want to check somewhere else.

- GR

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