Subject: Final Fantasy VII
Dear game revolution,
I hope whoever wrote the review for this game is dead or dying
Actually, it's funny you
mention good old Baldric.
We haven't seen much of him lately.
A few weeks after we published
his stellar yet controversial review for Square's Final
Fantasy VII, Baldric
started getting calls from several major book publishers, a few movie
directors looking to make a movie adaptation of his review and dozens
of ad & marketing agencies with the intent to produce tons of merchandise
under the "Baldric FFVII GR Review" name.
had a mansion built on his own private island in Polynesia. The last
time we tried to contact ol' Baldric
he was too fatigued to speak with us, exhausted from yet another weekend
smothered in expensive drugs, fabulous wines and even more fabulous
Not a bad way to die.
It Just Wouldn't Stay Away...
heres an idea for the game the crow. use the game as flying
disc and then u guys can get ur rifles and blow the sh** outta
the game as ben or somebody throws it in the air. get alot so
u have more fun
Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,
Yeah, we tried that. We also
tried dipping it in acid, smashing it with a hammer, hurling it out
the window while driving over the Bay Bridge and encapsulating it in
quick-dry cement. Still, the
Crow came back, the very
What a Payne!
Subject: what the hell where you thinking
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING GIVING MAX PAYNE A B+ THAT
GAME DESEVED AN A OR A- OR A+ BUT YOU JUST HAD TO BE A CHEAP
ALD BASTARD TO DO THAT I WANT ANSWERS TO MY REQUEST
We tried to give Max our
first A+, but he wouldn't take it. He said he felt like he could do
better. He found himself a bit lacking in some areas and he even got
tired of himself at times. Who are we to say 'no' to an armed man with
a face like that? So, B+ it is.
All other readers wishing
to refute the grade for Max
Payne will be forwarded to Max's father at his homepage.
Subject: HELLO ANY ONE HOME!!!!!!
yo staff i got a question you know how gamespot
sometimes does there reviews on there games except
they tape themselfs why dont you guys do that it
would be neat seeing you guys instead of typing
things out you could do a video tape review think
about it ok??
We don't do taped reviews
because we realize that we are all poorly dressed, portly, pasty geeks
entire lives are one long bad-hair day, unlike those hunky Gamespot
Also, we prefer to write
interesting, thoughtful and funny reviews, unlike those hunky Gamespot
guys. Did I say that out loud?
PC vs Consoles!
From: "Greg McGraw"
Subject: PCs vs. Consoles
I was just wondering about your thoughts on the subject.
In the near future, it seems like consoles are going to
meet or surpass all of the advantages that PC currently
possess...like hard drives, mouse and keyboard controls,
internet access, and (when HDTVs become more common)
hi-res graphics. And they won't suffer from the bad
aspects of PC gaming, namely, the incompatability
issues and virus'. So, even though I really love the
PC, I'm beginning to wonder weather investing in it will
be a good idea for much longer.
If we had a simple answer, we'd be billionaire fortune tellers living
in a big ass house.
good to invest some money (never too much) in keeping
your PC working and relatively up-to-date. But
in truth, PC gaming is not remotely the most cost-effective way to game.
That's sort of why consoles have taken off so well - lower costs and
fewer compatibility problems mean fewer headaches all around.
Still, the fact
that PCs are so driven by irritating components is part of the very
reason why PCs are leading the charge for innovation and depth of gameplay.
Sure, it can be a real bitch getting drivers to cooperate, but when
things run smoothly it's just a much more advanced experience.
are so many individual bits and pieces that comprise your PC, this means
that you can swap them out at leisure, never really having to buy a
whole new system and starting over from scratch - which is the current
case for consoles. Want to play the latest graphically rich PC games
but you have a four-year old computer? Chances are you only need to
buy a new video card and maybe a new processor - and in the rarest instances
a new motherboard. Plus, you can still play every single old game sitting
on your shelf. Civilization still rules.
just not really worth your time comparing PC gaming to console gaming.
It's like trying to compare different modes of transportation - each
has a distinct advantage and disadvantage, and while the gap is growing
smaller, we don't think it will be erased any time in the very near
So keep your
PC well-oiled. There are a slew of incredible looking games coming out
in the next year or so on the PC, and you're not going to want to miss