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GR Mailbag: Our Postage Rate Never Increases!

Posted on Monday, March 26 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Spring Has Sprung...a Leak.
From: "Crustee Da Clown" (***
Subject: i love duke ferris
I am in love with Duke Ferris. I think he is the sexiest 
man in the whole world. His knowledge of video games rivals 
that of any other man. I also hear that he is an 
internationally rated backgammon player. Please send me 
a lock of his hair or an undergarment. In return I will 
serve as the game revolution love slave for many months.
-crustina the clown
Dear Christina (if that is your real name),

Monica, please leave Mr. Ferris alone. He doesn't need a new intern.

Duke, shall I release the hounds...again?


P.S. A lock of his hair? Are you mad? The man would freeze to death. Duke is not only the President of GR, he's also a client, if you know what I mean.

GR vs. The Clan
From: "???" (***
Subject: Counterstrike Clan Sponsor
What do you guys think of being a sponsor for a Halflife: 
Counterstrike clan? We've been trying to get our own
server for weeks and we havent been able to get one, just 
thought I might ask you guys. 
Dear Unknown Writer,

Sorry, too many ethnic groups are represented at GR. We can't afford to get involved with clans.

Besides, we're all drunks here. You don't want us for a sponsor.


We're # 1!
From: "Andy Everson" (***
Subject: Hats and Shirts
Hey, when are you guys gonna make some GR hats, shirts, 
and other paraphernalia? I have really enjoyed you're site 
for three years now, and want to show everyone that I'm so 
fixated on which company I like that I pay the company to 
advertise its products. Just kidding, by the way. But 
seriously, let me know when I can order some of that 
crap from you.
Thanx in advance,
Howdy Andy,

We agree - it would be great to have our readers roaming the streets as walking ad campaigns, shamelessly plugging the mighty Game Revolution.

But we don't want to crank out the same old tired merchandise you find everywhere (shirts, hats, pens, etc.). We are trying to think a little outside the box here.

Here's an idea. Just stick it on your hand and whammo! You're number 1!

Or try this on for size. We think this would appeal to the hardcore, uh, gamers.

We might just splurge for some promotional GR supercomputers! Get yours today!

And if you're extra special good, we might even send you one of these, provided we find another willing donor.

Remember who loves yah, baby.


Mom, You're Fired!
From: "Brad" (***
Subject: I dont know what to do.
My retarted mom spilt windex on my playstation 2 and put 
scratches and stained it on acciednt. Do you know where I 
can refund it or trade it in for a new one. I need help.
Hi Brad,

Sure! Just send your Mom back to Best Buy. Make sure you have your original receipt, box and instructions.

However, if you thought you were gonna save some money and went out and got one of those import dealies, then you might be a victim of Mom mail-order fraud. Those guys are probably halfway to Singapore by now.


It Just Doesn't Compare!
From: Jesse Dolman (***
Subject: Tomb Raider better than Mario 64? pah!
Hello again!!!!
I was surfin' around in game-revolution, and what did I read? 
Tomb Raider 1 get's an A in the reviews? Damn that, and it's
better than SuperMario64???????? Hahaha, that's the most idiot 
crap I ever heard! 'Nintendo could learn a thing or 20 from these 
guys' Jamie Cope ( The reviewer ) said. I think Eidos sucks! 
Nintendo rulez. And what did I read more? 'It looks very good', 
If that is good, than I am James Hetfield!!! And the gameplay 
is good ya say??? Gameplay is crap! Ya can only move up, 
backwards, left and right! If ya wan't to walk to another 
direction, ya must first go forward, than right! And Banjo-Tooie 
get's a B+? Lower than TR? Banjo-Tooie is WAY BETTER than 
Tomb Raider. Do you guys think Eidos is better than Rare? 
RARE RULEZ! Rare is the king of Gamecompany's along with Nintendo! 
If you think Eidos is better than Rare or Nintendo, YOU SUCK! 
Well, do you get my point by now? TombRaider sucks! Rare is king!!! 
Pleaz reply!
Hello Jesse,

Ok, here we go. It seems every week we get a letter or 10 that makes some outlandish comparisons between GR reviews, leading them to believe that we smoke crack.

This week's winner is Banjo-Tooie vs. the first Tomb Raider. Eidos vs. Rare.

For starters, Game Revolution reviews games when they come out. We reviewed the original Tomb Raider in 1996. Back then, it was a revolutionary achievement, a masterpiece that spawned a brand new genre of gaming. It got an "A" because it was an "A" title back when it was reviewed.

Banjo-Tooie came out 4 years later, and our B+ review was in comparison to simiiar games for the same system.

We often speak about the dangers of bias when you run a gaming magazine. It's important to take an objective stance on gaming companies. Just because a company has a positive/negative history doesn't mean that their next game is doomed from the start or awesome before it ships.

It's painfully obvious that this reader is a die-hard Rare fan and doesn't like Tomb Raider, thus leading to a fairly irrational hatred of all things Eidos. (Nevermind the fact that Eidos is a game publisher, and that Rare is a developer, and that's there's a big difference, or that Eidos is also responsible for such beauties as Deus Ex or Commandos, or...oh, why bother.)

And comparing a game like Banjo Tooie to a game like Tomb Raider is simply unfair to both games, since they don't really try to do the same thing. We get this kind of thing quite often - "How could you give Resident Evil an A but give Red Alert 2 a B+! You guys suck!" Yeah, well at least we understand the differences between gaming genres, and at least we don't compare apples and oranges.

Because as we all know, oranges are way better! Apples suck! Go Florida!


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