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GR Mailbag: Putting The Wits In Twits

Posted on Thursday, July 28 @ 12:13:14 PST by Duke_Ferris
We Need A Wartime Consulieri
From: Garrett Evans
Subject: violence and video games

Dear GR staff

Your recent "Rant" on violence was much needed. I know that Duke doesn't want to go on some liberating crusade against those who wish to outlaw video games. However, if he doesn't do anything else but sit around and drink beer maybe there wont be any good video games to review anymore. At the very least do a cable news circuit go on the O'Reilly Factor or something because if don't no one will. thanks.
Sincerely,
a devoted fan and gamer
Dear Garrett,

Actually, a liberating crusade might just be the ticket. We'll prove violence isn't an issue by killing all our enemies. Hey, if it worked for the Mafia, maybe it will work for us!

Uh, wait, it didn't work for the Mafia, did it. Scratch plan A. Maybe we'll just send Bill O' Reilly an offer he can't refuse instead.

-GR

Fair Trade
From: howard
Subject: Video Game Violence

Really good article. Some great points were made. Finally I have an argument!

Thomas
Dear Thomas,

Correction: we have an argument. But it can be yours in just five easy payments...

-GR

Minds Over What Matters
From: Robbie Sanders
Subject: That was a great article.

I read your "The Truth About Violent Youth and Video Games", and I thought
it was an amazing article. I'm sick of the government trying to blame the
media for everything that goes on in the world. I don't think that they
realize us teenagers do, indeed, have minds of our own.

Great article though.
Dear Robbie,

Totally...although teenagers having minds of their own isn't always such a good thing. For instance, Laguna Beach. For another instance, this. We could go on, but then again, so could you. I guess in the end you're right: teenagers have minds of their own, and despite Ashlee Simpson, should be allowed to use them.

- GR

Don't Cramp Our Style
From: Jon Beauregard
Subject: children violence and video games

I just read you article on child violence and video and I just wanted to say
that that was a great piece. I hate the hype that the media is putting on
video games linked to violence. Its a bunch of B.S., but i guess that its
too bad that half the people in world are zombies to the news. They should
really get out and see what is happening then sitting on their lazy asses
watching the news to find out whats going on. If anything, video games are a
way of realeasing anger and frustration without hurting somebody else. Once
again it was a great article.

Truely a GR.com Fan,

Jon Beauregard
Dear Jon,

Thanks for the mail, but don't get carried away. Getting off our lazy asses? Please.

-GR
Mailbag Barbie
From: í˜rjan Sollie
Subject: Another nudie cheat for kids

There's a nude cheat in a very widespread toy amongst youngsters worldwide. It's called a "Barbie" doll.

This toy comes in many shapes and sizes, including african Barbie and preggers Barbie. They also come with changeable clothes. But the developers, Mattel, (henceforth referrred to as SB for Sick Bastards) also included a nude cheat. To unlock this cheat, all you need to do is removing the currently equipped clothes and NOT put on new ones. Along with Ken (also a product from the SB), kids now have access to all kinds of kinky pornography, like interracial sex, and preggers banging. SB stop at nothing with this toy,and my kids are the losers for it.

I look to you, Duke Ferris, to do everything in your power to put an end to this.

Sincerely,
í˜rjan Sollie
Dear í¯Â¿Â½rjan,

Great point. Barbie has been flaunting her absurd sexuality for decades, just tempting lonely kids to see the horror hiding underneath those cheap, plastic pants. You know what we're talking about right? The BARBIE AND KEN NON-CROTCH!

"Mommy, what happened to Ken's penis?"

"Penis? What penis? I don't see a penis, Jane. There is no penis. He is the perfect man. Now go play while mommy makes another vodka toni...er...happy soda, dear."

-GR
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