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Read More Member Blogs
A Letter to the Big “N"
By shandog137
Posted on 09/12/14
I have and will continue to have a place in my heart for Nintendo. In fact, my first console was a Super Nintendo. The video game market has changed drastically since the early '90s and it seems like what once was platinum is more so along the lines of silver now. Nintendo has always been...


GR Mailbag: Q and A-Holes

Posted on Tuesday, July 11 @ 19:00:00 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Strangers With Candy

From: Steve Davis <*********>
Subject: Your domain


I am interested in purchasing your domain

If interested in selling please reply at your earliest convenience.
Also let me know the asking price or we can just submit an offer.
Either way works.

Thanks for your time,

Steve Davis

Dear Steve,

Hmmm...this sounds like an awesome deal, though sending us this message from a free gmail account doesn't exactly give us faith in your power to raise money.

But since you wanted to know, our asking price is simple: we will trade you in exchange for ONE (1) fully-operational, fully-staffed and fully delicious candy factory. We don't care if it includes evil midgets, but we do care about the quality of the lollipops. No Splenda, bitch.


Join The Team...At Your Own Risk.
From: David Brown <*********>
Subject: question

I was just wondering what one would have to go through in order to get a job working on your website.


David Brown

Dear David Brown,

One would have to go through the GR Gauntlet of Fear.™

First, we shave your head and make you drink a keg of beer. Then we stop you because we want the beer. Instead, we infect you with the T-virus.

Provided you survive, you'll have to answer our lengthy gamer questionnaire. Sample question:

You are being pwned at Halo 2 by a ten year-old kid. He screams into your headset that you suck. You respond by:

A) Weeping.
B) Threatening to kick his stupid little motherf***in ass.
C) Agreeing wholeheartedly.
D) All of the above, in that order.

Next, you must complete the physical challenges. That would mean throwing mustard at this guy, pumping iron against this guy, and making out with this chick. HOTT.

For the essay section, in five words or less, explain why we rule. Please use examples.

Finally, to prove your loyalty, you must cut off a finger. And eat it. You may use mustard.


Summer Unlovin'
From: Steven Button <***********>
Subject: Why do games these days suck

I was just taking a look at your reviews page, and I noticed that only three games on
the whole page were given a B+ or higher: New Super Mario Bros, Kingdom Hearts 2,
and Oblivion (And KH2 and Oblivion are only on the page as "popular reviews, which
means 1 game got over a B+ since may first), I recall reading GR many years ago, and
seeing a pleathora of games given a B+ or higher, but maybe I'm just imagining things.

This leads me to my question, are you guys way harder on games than you used to be,
or do games these days just really suck?

Dear Steven,

That depends what you mean by "these days."

If you mean it in the vernacular sense - like, these times, these years, these ages - then yeah, you're imagining things, weirdo. But if you mean it in the specific sense - like, these past, say, fifty days, from May 20th to July 10 or something - then we have an explanation.

It's called "summer."

Many publishers save their big guns for the holiday season, and release their big, uh, turds during the summer. Compounding this annual slump is the fact that we're also caught between console generations. As the era of the PS2, Xbox and Gamecube winds down, developers are focusing on the next generation, leaving publishers to ship all kinds of goofy stuff out the door in the hopes of cashing in on the last wave of interest. We've seen a few bright spots, but by and large, these be grim times, matey.

- GR

The Dread Pirate PSP
From: Mark Sherman <*********>

For some reason I just don't understand why Sony hasn't embraced the psps capabilties to play home-brewed games. I think they could sell more units if they didn't make the home-brewed games so difficult to put on to your PSP. I know that it frustrates me when I download a game and it says CorruptData. Why did Sony even put the option to have games saved to your memory stick if they don't want you getting them on there? I realize they don't want to embrace priates ,but it seems like some of there main competiors already have as much as Apple will deny it they have sold millions of units of ipods for the simple fact you can get any song/movie on your ipod easily. If psp were to start allowing gaming from other systems such SNES, and PSX to be easily downloaded and put onto your PSP I believe it would boost there unit sales. It just doesn't make any sense. Shine some light on this for me. Thanks 


Avast Mark,

As fans of Captain Jack, we admire your buccaneering ways. But the landlubbers at Sony are more interested in avoiding lawsuits and making money than catering to the piratey whims of a minority of their user-base. Home-brewed apps turn their little proprietary player into an open-source beast, which would be a fatal dagger in the heart of their already troubled UMD format. Also, the company does have plans to sell their PSX library as downloadable content, something we at GR have been anxiously awaiting.

And for the record, Apple doesn't support piracy. It just so happens that scouring Limewire for mp3s and downloading shady programs to crack the iPod's built-in anti-copying measures is, to a nerd, pretty easy stuff. Or so we've heard.


GR Blackbeard

Don't Rub It In.
From: The Rich Jerk <*********>
Subject: Don't waste my time


I'm a seriously rich jerk, and I don't have time to waste your time! Lets get something straight, I am a jerk. I am obnoxious. I am lazy. And I don't care, because I am FILTHY RICH. I am much too important to even be sitting here writing this right now.

So I'll keep it short. I make several million dollars every year on the internet, doing almost nothing.

We know, Duke, we know.

- GR Staff

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