DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: Q&A From The Heart

Posted on Monday, October 28 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris

A Sucker Is Born Every Minute.

From: "Phillips family"
Subject: october 21 mailbag
You guys make fun of all sorts of people all the time and usually it's hilarious. I enjoy the mailbags, but recently you received a letter from a woman who was fleeing Zimbabwe. This particular issue is not a laughing matter. Robert Mugabe's illegitiate regime has thrown millions of people into chaos and his ragtag army has ravaged the country killing any and all opposition. What this woman wrote in her letter appeared to be factual. Her husband was killed and she is exiled. Could you help? Maybe not, but the least you could do is respect a woman in a difficult situation and a country in turmoil. David Phillips P.S. If you really want to know when Robert Mugabe (as you called him Darth Vader) took control of Zimbabwe, look up Zimbabwe in an encyclopedia or visit mdczimbabwe.com.

Hey David,

It's nice to hear that you're concerned about international issues and the atrocities that occur in other countries. However, we do not respect spam, particularly when it's simply FRAUD.

Wanna see how busy the Nigerian farmers have been? Try here. Or try here. Hey, take a peek that way. What's this over here?

It's a big scam, David, despite how 'factual' her letter appears. It's documented as such.
The lesson here is not to believe everything your read, particularly when a deal seems too good to be true.

The FBI computer crimes division reports that "Nigeria Letters" (or in this case Zimbabwe) are their #1 source of fraud complaints.

Can we have 5 bucks for that info?

- GR

Sssshhh...Don't Tell His Old Lady...

From: "Link-Protector of Zelda"

Subject: Plea for help Dear GR, I am of need of some good old fashion hot lovin' and would like to know if there were any 'dating' games ever created for lonely people? P.S. My dog is name Peanut Butter ;)

Dear, um, Link,

Shouldn't you be out buying some flowers for Zelda? Just because you're a famous elf mascot doesn't mean you're exempt from the whole 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' thing. Hmmm...anyway...since it's not really our business how badly you screw up your personal life, we'll try to help.

Believe it or not, there's a whole genre of games called 'dating sims' that have been popular in Japan for quite some time. Check out this site for more info, you sad, lonely hero, you.

- GR

It Ain't Our Problem

From: *******@aol.com
Date: Sun, 27 Oct 2002 17:27:36 EST
Subject: (no subject)

NEED TO KNOW IF YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO EVER FIX THE PROBLEM???
I HAVE TALKED TO OTHER GAMERS AND THEY TO HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM . WE CAN'T GET TO ANY OF THE CHEATS OR THE NEW GAMES TO BUY. SO MEANWHILE WE WILL KEEP LOOKING AND IF YOU GUYS EVER GET THE PROBLEM FIX PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!! GOOD LUCK AND HAPPY BUSINESS.

THE GAME GROUP

Dear Unfortunate AOL Game Group,

We tried to fix the problem, but we lost the GR glue. So then we attempted to fix the problem by feeding it to the zombie guard dogs, but they didn't want to eat the problem, and those guys will ususally eat anything.

The problem grew larger, so we took it to the GR doctor, who performed a biopsy on the problem. Thankfully, the problem turned out to be benign...or so we thought. We bought some ointment and smeared it all over the problem, which helped control the itching, but the problem wouldn't go away. It's a little embarrassing.

Never fear, however. We intend on beating this problem, even if it takes a chainsaw and a blow torch.

- GR

Mystery Dot!

From: "Chris"

Subject: Mystery Dot

Hi GR,
its masterchris
I'm curious about this mysterious period located on the lower left of
your main page I see every time I load your page.

Take a look

Whats up with the dot?

Thanks,
Chris

Dear Masterchris,

Ah, so you have found the mystery period.

Little is known about the mystery period. It arrived under a veil of darkness, simply appearing overnight on GR like a pimple. At first we figured we'd simply delete it, but right before pressing Backspace, the period spoke to us. "Spare my life," it requested, "and you will enjoy riches beyond your wildest dreams. And maybe chocolate cake."

So we left it there, and sure enough, we found a DIME lying outside the GR office not 5 minutes later! A REAL DIME!

We're still waiting for the cake, but like Parappa said, YOU GOTTA BELIEVE.

- GR

Welcome To Pop-up Hell

From: "Jonathan Ege"

Subject: pop ups

I have found game revolution to be a very reliable source for video game reviews. I have bought games purely on some of your reviews. The reviews tell it like it is. Lately every time I log on to your site I get hit with 3 initial pop ups and then they repeat constantly and as I change pages. It is frustrating to navigate you site now. Can you limit them a bit? It doesn’t make me want to visit.

Jonathan Ege

Dear Jonathan Ege,

First off, your name rocks. Were you a guitarist in a hair metal band?

Regarding the sucky pop-ups - yeah, we know. We've gotten more mail about the pop-ups than just about anything else. We hate them even more than you do, since we have to surf the site all day, every day.

The No-Pop software is one way to help support GR while simultaneously getting rid of the pop-ups altogether. It works pretty well and will actually help your surfing overall by seriously cutting off all manner of pop-ups across every site on the internet.

However, we need to run pop-ups in order to continue to provide GR for free. While other gaming sites have opted for a subscription plan, we really, REALLY don't want to go there and actually ask you to pay us money.

Hopefully we'll be able to limit the pop-ups (we're working on that one) or even phase them out entirely. For the time being, though, we ask that you try to understand that we're only running pop-ups because we absolutely have to in order to continue giving you GR for free.

- GR

Tags: gr mailbag