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DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: Read 'Em And Weep

Posted on Thursday, January 26 @ 19:00:00 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
The Magic Word

From: Cheryl & Bill Klassen <*****@sympatico.ca>
Subject: (No subject)

Dear GR,
I love your site, but update your f***in mail bag more.

Dear son or daughter of Cheryl and Bill,

Hell no.

- GR

Wish You Were Somewhere Else

From: Julio Rey <*****@yahoo.com>
Subject: Sending postcards.

How's it going GR?

I want to know if you have postcards so I can send it to other people. If not, it would be a cool idea to have it, would it? If you do have it, where can I find them? It's really a suggestion 'cause I like to help you guys out anyway I can.

Dear Julio,

Wow, that is a great idea, one we thought of years ago, but just never happened to link up or mention. Ever.

So thanks for reminding us! Out of gratitude, we'll share with you a few of our old favorites.

For starters, this little beauty is the perfect way of telling that special someone they could use a vacation. After all, who couldn't? When you decide to take a little trip of your own, send this sweet and thoughtful message to anybody who helped you prepare for your journey, whether by lending advice, money, or even some baggage! And finally, if you find yourself having so much fun you think you may never come home, pop this extra-special GR postcard in the mail to let everybody know what a great time you're having. They'll be sure to envy you.

Happy trails!

- GR

Grand Theft Auto the 13th

From: qostrikas bancielkis <*********@hotmail.com>
Subject: liberty citie stories

This kindda is pissing me off that usually all the gta games from the third one to San andreas they have mecheties in them witch is an awsome weapon it takes down one person with one hit.
And the *** thing is iv been playing liberty cities storys for a bit now and found tons of guns axes.samurai swords,chiansaws at the saw mill and stuff and hockey sticks but no f***ing
machetie.And i was wondering if you guys would knw where to find this weapon and in wich location
you would find it and witch island and around what building it could possibly be hiding.

Gr user known ass Eeder_32.

Dear the wildly disturbed ass Eeder_32 (sigh),

Indeed, where is the f***ing machete? It turns out Rockstar forgot this psycho's staple and decided to slip it into versions of San Andreas by embedding it in the text, as though waiting to be discovered. Then the Hot Coffee scandal struck, and the Rockstar suits got nervous about the idea of burying anything in the code, much less a weapon of mass decapitation.

Any other studio might have just given up on giant bladed weapons at this point, but not Rockstar. They turned the tables on the situation, and struck back with the GTA Hack Pack! That's right, instead of embedding a weapon in the code, they physically strapped one to the game! Way to get all meta!

-GR

Why Do You Think We Call Them Cheats?

From: Will <******@gmail.com>
Subject: Dear GR...

Do you guys actually bother to verify your cheats anymore? Or did you ever?

Hey Will,

Can we call you Dick? Thanks. Dick.

Let us assure you, all of our cheats and codes are 100% underhanded and dishonest. Otherwise, we wouldn't call them cheats. If, occasionally, the forces of goodness try to slip a faulty bit of data into our pages to preserve the integrity of the video game in question, we look to you, our readers, to suss out the purity so we can keep our cheats pages nice and dirty.

So the answer is yes, we verify them constantly. Using our minds.

- GR

My LIttle Drug Mule

From: Kathy Vike <*****@msn.com>
Subject: help

My computor programer is in Panamah, he advised me to contact you. Iam trying to down load My little Pony. It comes up 95% complete click next to continue an it comes up dx90required. Now what do I do? Thankyou Iam a learning Granmother so please be patient. Thankyou

Dear Grandma Kathy,

The Panamahanian was correct. If you want to see your little pony ever again, you will do exactly as we tell you. Any deviation from our instructions will lead to a sticky end for your four-legged friend.

Instruction number the first: You must put an economy-sized variety box of Doritos and various tasty cereals, along with a case of Vanilla Coke, in an unmarked box.

Instruction number the second: You must deliver this box to us.

Instruction number the third: Await further instructions. Oh, and stop downloading tiny horses. That's not cool, lady.

- GR

Tags:   gr mailbag


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