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Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


GR Mailbag: Send Us Your Tired, Your Weary, Your Misspelled Masses!

Posted on Monday, March 11 @ 12:13:14 PST by Duke_Ferris
The Pornternet!
From: Billy Kimmel 
Subject: What to do
Ok, heres the dilemma. I just recently gave my
girlfriend the password to my email account to show
how much our trust has come. But you know how you
search the web sometimes for random stuff and you
click on that one site that is sponsored by cheap
porn? Then all of a sudden a million windows pop up
and your homepage gets changed to Then within the next few days
you get emails taunting you with free memberships and
such. I am sure you all know what I am talking about.
Well, my girlfriend views these and gets all mad at me
saying I am addicted to porn! And she doesn't believe
me when I say it is just junk. What would the boys and
GR do to keep their women in line?

Hi Flesheater,

Nice try, pervert. We don't know where you've been surfing, but you don't get a million porn sponsorships when you go to Google. Really.

To get that kind of filth, you have to go to sites like (No, we are not happy about this)

But porn spam is another thing altogether, because even if you don't surf porn sites (which we've never done, honest Mom) you'll still somehow wind up with an invite to check out this hot teen doing something nasty to a horse.

Tell your girlfriend that you're not addicted to porn - you're addicted to love. If she doesn't believe that, then you might need to find a new girlfriend. Try!

- GR

What A Great Set Up
From: "Derek Thomson" 
Subject: Extra Extra.........Lamers at GR
I read all of your mailbag posts, and I don't doubt 
that you guys make half the stuff up yourselves. 
I bet you e-mail yourselves, 'cause you guys are so 
friggin' lame no one will write you. Knowing this, 
I sorta feel sorry for you guys, and I'm feeling 
pathetic enough to write this letter. Actually, I've 
wrote about 50 emails to you guys, and you've never 
responded to one of them. And, being a video game 
burn always interested in cool gaming stuff, I think 
that you guys should spend less time hunched over 
infront of eachother, and more time posting cool 
sh*t for gamers to read.

Hi Derek,

See? We get all the lame mail we need without having to make up any ourselves!



Heart Rate Rising...
From: "Breakboy karim" 
Subject: Ponderence
This is a mere question that I'm sure you receive 
daily but I still have not gotten an answer. Now 
I've known your website for quite a while now, I 
prefer the message boards but if I need a laugh, 
all I have to do is go to the Features section 
for Penny Arcade or Little Gamers, and if I still 
am in a need of a bigger laugh, then I go to 
Rants and Raves or tp the Reviews section. 
Speaking of which, the review section is one of 
the most convincing thing you guys do. I know 
which games to buy. First I thought Vandal Hearts 
sucked before reading your review, and eventually 
playing it. Now to my question, how are you guys 
able of doing such a great thing? I mean perhaps 
you guys are a group of Twenty but GR is huge, 
perhaps like that Hogwarts thing from Harry 
Potter. Download section, Reviews section, Cheats 
section, Features Section, Find, Section, 
Interactive section. And everyone of them has got 
their subtitles except that Find section which is 
the simplest thing I've seen in my life. Just 
write the words, no advertizing, no 'language to 
learn', it's wonderful. Then we've got the news 
section and links, and the mailbag section. People 
should start admiring you, not to critisize because 
of your reviews. Heck they don't even know how 
hard it's to make a review. First play it, make 
tests, take pictures of it, and then grading it.
Man you guys need more respect,

Hi Karim,

Thanks for the kickass brown-nosing. You sniff a good butt. :)

How do we do it? The secret GR recipe for getting maximum efficiency out of the GR slaves, er, monkeys, er, workers is very simple. Red Bull and Coffee all day long!

Lots of it. Like twenty cans a day. When we're not on the toilet, we're trying to maintain the site.


Relax, Don't Do It.
From: "Steven Button" 
Subject: No i'm not angry thats the problem!
Do you guys think you could help me out? I've 
always wanted to be able to write an angry, 
over-opinionated letter to you guys (because 
those are the ones that seem to get into the 
MailBag) about how wrong you are, but I can't. 
The problem is i'm too level headed, there's 
always a small voice in my head that keeps 
saying "No need to get mad it's only an opinion". 
So I really need you to write somthing sooooo 
over the top! so obnoxious! so WRONG that I 
will go mad with fury and even the voice in 
my head will be saying "What the hell are they 
thinking?!" allowing me to write that letter 
I've always wanted to. Can you guys do that? 
Of corse you can, I have faith...
Pissed off in advance
Yours Truly: Steve Button

Dear Steve,

Calm down. The first one is free. But to get into the Mailbag again, we want more of this or this.

Maybe you'll get angry now that GR officially endorses the political party that wants to make beer illegal. That way everyone will dink more Red Bull and Coffee.

Drink a beer... go to jail.


The Square And The Cube
From: "Victor Guharoy" 
Subject: Mailbag
Hey. I was just wondering what you guys thought of Square and 
Nintendo teaming up after a while. I also am wondering if 
Square has plans to make games for Sony still or if the Sony 
years for Square will become a thing of the past. Thanks.

Hi Victor,

This news came down the pipe last week and was reported by several reputable websites, but no one's sure what to make of it yet. Obviously, we think it's about time - The Gamecube and the GBA could use some of that Square style.

Yes, Square will continue making games for the PS2. There is absolutely no truth whatsoever that Square will stop developing for Sony systems. Uh, at least until we hear more. :)


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