Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
HomeManifesto GR Mailbag: Send Us Your Tired, Your Weary, Your Misspelled Masses!
GR Mailbag: Send Us Your Tired, Your Weary, Your Misspelled Masses!
Posted on Monday, March 11 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
From: Billy Kimmel
Subject: What to do
Ok, heres the dilemma. I just recently gave my
girlfriend the password to my email account to show
how much our trust has come. But you know how you
search the web sometimes for random stuff and you
click on that one site that is sponsored by cheap
porn? Then all of a sudden a million windows pop up
and your homepage gets changed to
www.Iloveoldrump.com. Then within the next few days
you get emails taunting you with free memberships and
such. I am sure you all know what I am talking about.
Well, my girlfriend views these and gets all mad at me
saying I am addicted to porn! And she doesn't believe
me when I say it is just junk. What would the boys and
GR do to keep their women in line?
Nice try, pervert. We don't
know where you've been surfing, but you don't get a million porn sponsorships
when you go to Google. Really.
To get that kind of filth,
you have to go to sites like www.games-revolution.com. (No, we
are not happy about this)
But porn spam is another
thing altogether, because even if you don't surf porn sites (which we've
never done, honest Mom) you'll still somehow wind up with an invite
to check out this hot teen doing something nasty to a horse.
Tell your girlfriend that
you're not addicted to porn - you're addicted to love.
If she doesn't believe that, then you might need to find a new girlfriend.
What A Great Set Up
From: "Derek Thomson"
Subject: Extra Extra.........Lamers at GR
I read all of your mailbag posts, and I don't doubt
that you guys make half the stuff up yourselves.
I bet you e-mail yourselves, 'cause you guys are so
friggin' lame no one will write you. Knowing this,
I sorta feel sorry for you guys, and I'm feeling
pathetic enough to write this letter. Actually, I've
wrote about 50 emails to you guys, and you've never
responded to one of them. And, being a video game
burn always interested in cool gaming stuff, I think
that you guys should spend less time hunched over
infront of eachother, and more time posting cool
sh*t for gamers to read.
See? We get all the lame
mail we need without having to make up any ourselves!
Heart Rate Rising...
From: "Breakboy karim"
This is a mere question that I'm sure you receive
daily but I still have not gotten an answer. Now
I've known your website for quite a while now, I
prefer the message boards but if I need a laugh,
all I have to do is go to the Features section
for Penny Arcade or Little Gamers, and if I still
am in a need of a bigger laugh, then I go to
Rants and Raves or tp the Reviews section.
Speaking of which, the review section is one of
the most convincing thing you guys do. I know
which games to buy. First I thought Vandal Hearts
sucked before reading your review, and eventually
playing it. Now to my question, how are you guys
able of doing such a great thing? I mean perhaps
you guys are a group of Twenty but GR is huge,
perhaps like that Hogwarts thing from Harry
Potter. Download section, Reviews section, Cheats
section, Features Section, Find, Section,
Interactive section. And everyone of them has got
their subtitles except that Find section which is
the simplest thing I've seen in my life. Just
write the words, no advertizing, no 'language to
learn', it's wonderful. Then we've got the news
section and links, and the mailbag section. People
should start admiring you, not to critisize because
of your reviews. Heck they don't even know how
hard it's to make a review. First play it, make
tests, take pictures of it, and then grading it.
Man you guys need more respect,
Thanks for the kickass brown-nosing.
You sniff a good butt. :)
How do we do it? The secret
GR recipe for getting maximum efficiency out of the GR slaves, er, monkeys,
er, workers is very simple. Red Bull and Coffee all day long!
Lots of it. Like twenty cans
a day. When we're not on the toilet, we're trying to maintain the site.
Relax, Don't Do It.
From: "Steven Button"
Subject: No i'm not angry thats the problem!
Do you guys think you could help me out? I've
always wanted to be able to write an angry,
over-opinionated letter to you guys (because
those are the ones that seem to get into the
MailBag) about how wrong you are, but I can't.
The problem is i'm too level headed, there's
always a small voice in my head that keeps
saying "No need to get mad it's only an opinion".
So I really need you to write somthing sooooo
over the top! so obnoxious! so WRONG that I
will go mad with fury and even the voice in
my head will be saying "What the hell are they
thinking?!" allowing me to write that letter
I've always wanted to. Can you guys do that?
Of corse you can, I have faith...
Pissed off in advance
Yours Truly: Steve Button
Calm down. The first one
is free. But to get into the Mailbag again, we want more of this
From: "Victor Guharoy"
Hey. I was just wondering what you guys thought of Square and
Nintendo teaming up after a while. I also am wondering if
Square has plans to make games for Sony still or if the Sony
years for Square will become a thing of the past. Thanks.
This news came down the pipe
last week and was reported by several reputable websites, but no one's
sure what to make of it yet. Obviously, we think it's about time - The
Gamecube and the GBA could use some of that Square style.
Yes, Square will continue
making games for the PS2. There is absolutely no truth whatsoever
that Square will stop developing for Sony systems. Uh, at least
until we hear more. :)