GR Mailbag: Ah...The Smell Of Prepubescence

From: "Captain Whap-Caplit" (*****@hotmail.com)


Subject: What's wrong with these people?
This has been bugging me for a long time, but an email I saw 
in your recent mailbag made me want to 
say something. Somebody going by the name of Cloud Strife sent an 
email to you saying that Final Fantasy VII is the best game ever, 
and he closed his message with "suck one gay faggot." Why is it 
that the internet is so full of short-sighted, unintelligent 
homophobes? And why can't they think of better insults? I love 
seeing somebody in chatroom calling some slow-witted idiot a 
"misanthropic, deplorable moron," instead of "fag." So, for 
example, if I wanted to criticize you on your FFVII review, 
I would call you something along the lines of "a bunch of 
cretins who wouldn't know a good game if it bit you on the 
ass," not that I would ever say something like that about 
such highly-refined gaming connoisseurs as yourselves.

Thanks,
Captain Whap-Caplit

We absolutely agree. The art of the insult seems to have been lost.

No one ever calls us "festering piles of rhino spittle" or "insufferably obtuse rapscallions." Instead, we're always labeled "poopy heads" with "no penises." It's unfair.

C'mon people! We expect more from our readers! What, are you just too stupid to come up with something interesting?

Getting pissed? Good! Then tell us off...but you better make it eloquent. In fact, we're going to send a prize to the winner of the BEST INSULT CONTEST!

That's right! Send us your very best insult! Tell us what we are, what we aren't, and what you think of us. We're looking for intelligent insults, not just "you suck." We already know that. The winning entry will be posted in next week's mailbag.

Just leave our moms out of it.

-GR

From: "zig zac" (******@yahoo.com)

Subject: I Hate Bleemcast
I just wanna know if you guys at game-revolution
support the bleemcast, I think its againts the policy
of video-game. That means people who like to buy
playstation 2 would be decreased!! Why the goverment
is so unfair the Sony?

What exactly is the "policy of video-game"? To have fun and hopefully win, right?

Bleemcast allows you to play original Playstation games on a Dreamcast, not PS2 games. If Bleemcast is changing the minds of potential PS2 consumers, then they never really wanted a PS2 to begin with.

Do we here at GR support Bleemcast? Hmmm...let's see? Does a junkie support crack? Does a pervert support porn? Does a tree make noise when it falls in the forest if there's no one there to hear it? Wait, scratch that.

-GR

From: "Bill Crabb" (*****@ctnis.com)
Subject: THe Crow :(
I haven't had time for my fighting games lately. I have been in 
rpg and third person shooters. I wanted a fighter I haven't had 
one since mk4. I decided to see why everyone hated the crow so 
much.I got it and I played it and I threw it out the window. 
Who ever came up with making it a movie should be fired. The 
idiot who made the sequel should be shot. And the crack smoking 
Goth who made it a game should be crucified and given death by 
10,000 stabs and drowning in a bath of rubbing alcohol. Thank 
you for listening to my ramblings. I am in therapy but I don't 
know if I will ever recover. Suicide 
is looking better....

I see you share our thoughts.

The Crow comic book was the first Crow anything (movie, game, etc.), and it wasn't that bad. However, it had very little to do with fighting or martial arts. It was about some pale-faced wimpy goth-boy who comes back to life to avenge the deaths of he and his girlfriend.

As for your suggestions regarding the demise of the development team behind the God-awful game, we have some bad news. We tried. Lots of times. But every time we put one of 'em to death, he'd just rise back up from the dead again and make another crappy game.

Maybe it's that damn mime makeup...

-GR

From: "Chester Jingles" (*****@hotmail.com)

Subject: why?
Why is it that you guys never actually answer anyones 
questions in their letters? Is it that you dont know the 
answers? Are you just lazy? Or can't you reveal any top 
secret info? You're plotting against us arent you. Us 
being the world. Are you like the second breed of nazis 
or sumthin? If so, whos the leader in your plan? Your 
Hitler? I wont tell. If you spare me that is. I can be 
useful. Ill be your love monkey if you want. 
You go both ways, right? Well, thats all i needed to know.
Chester

What do you mean we don't answer questions in the mailbag?

-GR

From: "Brian Crawford" (******@yahoo.com)

Subject: Subliminal Message for Duke
Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke
Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Ben Silverman is a girl Duke
Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Ben Silverman is a girl
Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke.

Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke We have been telling Ben that he is a girl for AGES now Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke He wouldn't believe us Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke So Duke got him pregnant just to prove that it's true but he still won't believe us. Um, Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke.

-GR Duke Duke