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DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: Ah...The Smell Of Prepubescence

Posted on Tuesday, September 5 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Up Ours!
From: "Captain Whap-Caplit" (*****@hotmail.com)


Subject: What's wrong with these people? This has been bugging me for a long time, but an email I saw in your recent mailbag made me want to say something. Somebody going by the name of Cloud Strife sent an email to you saying that Final Fantasy VII is the best game ever, and he closed his message with "suck one gay faggot." Why is it that the internet is so full of short-sighted, unintelligent homophobes? And why can't they think of better insults? I love seeing somebody in chatroom calling some slow-witted idiot a "misanthropic, deplorable moron," instead of "fag." So, for example, if I wanted to criticize you on your FFVII review, I would call you something along the lines of "a bunch of cretins who wouldn't know a good game if it bit you on the ass," not that I would ever say something like that about such highly-refined gaming connoisseurs as yourselves.
Thanks,
Captain Whap-Caplit
Hi Captain Whap-Caplit,

We absolutely agree. The art of the insult seems to have been lost.

No one ever calls us "festering piles of rhino spittle" or "insufferably obtuse rapscallions." Instead, we're always labeled "poopy heads" with "no penises." It's unfair.

C'mon people! We expect more from our readers! What, are you just too stupid to come up with something interesting?

Getting pissed? Good! Then tell us off...but you better make it eloquent. In fact, we're going to send a prize to the winner of the BEST INSULT CONTEST!

That's right! Send us your very best insult! Tell us what we are, what we aren't, and what you think of us. We're looking for intelligent insults, not just "you suck." We already know that. The winning entry will be posted in next week's mailbag.

Just leave our moms out of it.

-GR

The Almighty Bleemcast!
From: "zig zac" (******@yahoo.com)

Subject: I Hate Bleemcast I just wanna know if you guys at game-revolution support the bleemcast, I think its againts the policy of video-game. That means people who like to buy playstation 2 would be decreased!! Why the goverment is so unfair the Sony?
Hey Zig Zac,

What exactly is the "policy of video-game"? To have fun and hopefully win, right?

Bleemcast allows you to play original Playstation games on a Dreamcast, not PS2 games. If Bleemcast is changing the minds of potential PS2 consumers, then they never really wanted a PS2 to begin with.

Do we here at GR support Bleemcast? Hmmm...let's see? Does a junkie support crack? Does a pervert support porn? Does a tree make noise when it falls in the forest if there's no one there to hear it? Wait, scratch that.

-GR

Sucking On All Fronts!
From: "Bill Crabb" (*****@ctnis.com)
Subject: THe Crow :(
I haven't had time for my fighting games lately. I have been in 
rpg and third person shooters. I wanted a fighter I haven't had 
one since mk4. I decided to see why everyone hated the crow so 
much.I got it and I played it and I threw it out the window. 
Who ever came up with making it a movie should be fired. The 
idiot who made the sequel should be shot. And the crack smoking 
Goth who made it a game should be crucified and given death by 
10,000 stabs and drowning in a bath of rubbing alcohol. Thank 
you for listening to my ramblings. I am in therapy but I don't 
know if I will ever recover. Suicide 
is looking better....
Hello Bill,

I see you share our thoughts.

The Crow comic book was the first Crow anything (movie, game, etc.), and it wasn't that bad. However, it had very little to do with fighting or martial arts. It was about some pale-faced wimpy goth-boy who comes back to life to avenge the deaths of he and his girlfriend.

As for your suggestions regarding the demise of the development team behind the God-awful game, we have some bad news. We tried. Lots of times. But every time we put one of 'em to death, he'd just rise back up from the dead again and make another crappy game.

Maybe it's that damn mime makeup...

-GR

Answers!
From: "Chester Jingles" (*****@hotmail.com)

Subject: why? Why is it that you guys never actually answer anyones questions in their letters? Is it that you dont know the answers? Are you just lazy? Or can't you reveal any top secret info? You're plotting against us arent you. Us being the world. Are you like the second breed of nazis or sumthin? If so, whos the leader in your plan? Your Hitler? I wont tell. If you spare me that is. I can be useful. Ill be your love monkey if you want. You go both ways, right? Well, thats all i needed to know. Chester
What's up Chester,

What do you mean we don't answer questions in the mailbag?

-GR

Boy Meets Girl: A Story of Self Reflection.
From: "Brian Crawford" (******@yahoo.com)
Subject: Subliminal Message for Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Ben Silverman is a girl Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Ben Silverman is a girl Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke.
Hello Brian,

Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke We have been telling Ben that he is a girl for AGES now Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke He wouldn't believe us Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke So Duke got him pregnant just to prove that it's true but he still won't believe us. Um, Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke.

-GR Duke Duke

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