GR Mailbag: Snuggle Up To The Yule Log And Lend Me Your Ear!

From: Joe Weber (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: PC Presents..
Ok, for the online shoping thing you have..you forgot to put 
"The Crow: City of Angles" on there. That was one sweet game. 
Excuse me, I must return to my native tribe in Belgium.

Omigosh! The Crow! How could we forget?

Oh wait. Now we remember. Here's how we forgot.

Give our best to the wimpy King Albert II and his son, the little "girlie" Prince Phillipe. Their waffle-eating days are numbered.

-GR

From: "chaze" (***@aol.com)
Subject: need more info
i just wanted to know GR staffs all time favorite game ever made.
chase

...our all time favorite game ever made? Hmmm...

Ben says his would have to be Handball, the kind using the big red Voit ball.

Brian is quite fond of H-O-R-S-E, since he was the only person in his 4th grade class who could actually spell it.

Shawn's favorite game was Freeze Tag, until one day when he was tagged...by a leprechaun!

Frozen in place for some 9 years, he became a sort of chronological fixture in his hometown of South Bend, Indiana. Eventually wakened by a crack squad of gaming scientists, Shawn was taught the latest Ebonics and enough Japanese to effectively play import games.

Now his favorite game is Connect Four.

-GR

From: "???" (***@aol.com)
Subject: measurments
what is the length of the playstation 2?

Size doesn't matter. It's how you support your, ahem, hardware.

-GR

From: "Suprime Man (a.k.a. Bill Gates) (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: Ya Ya
Sho ok your web shite are kwel..the opinion are 
detailled....the choice for the holiday gift are kwel too
BUT!
THE Guy who said THAT Microsoft will suck whit the Xbox are 
a dumpass cause...The best compagnie are the one whit the 
more of $$$.. Playstation were best than the N64 just cause 
they have more Money Money is the life ya ..
Microsoft is now...the ...hmmm they have bill gate yeah but 
they had the money!They will win the 128 bit competiton just 
cause they have more corporation whit them (capcom square) 
ya see?The console they get are a powerful PC ya ya a pc...
DD ...internet connection...
You will shee microsoft will win that ...Ya..hmmm

After running your grammatically impaired letter through several different translation programs, we think we know what you're talking about.

Now please, Bill, put down the bottle and calm down. You don't need to send us drunken letters. We love you, Bill. We're here for you. But the first step is to admit that you have a problem.

And yes, you do have a problem.

-GR

From: ssgoku23 (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: Who do I trust?!?!??!?
Ok, so I have a subscription to PCGamer and I saw a 
review for Rune, that great viking combat game (which 
I have yet to buy). They gave the game an "above average" 
rating of 67%, saying that the design is "monotonous", the 
magic takes too long to recharge, and that there is 
minimal plot involvement. What say you, Sal Magicpants?

Sal does agree that the single player is a few skulls short from an exemplary trophy case, though calling it "monotonous" is unfair.

But obviously the boys over at Gamer didn't give the multiplayer a shot, as this is where the power of Rune truly shines. Perhaps they were frightened at the thought of having their collective head sliced off by my trusty blade...and for good reason.

-GR