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Welcome Back to the West
By oneshotstop
Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


GR Mailbag: Speak your peace now, for tomorrow we shall go to E3!

Posted on Monday, May 14 @ 12:13:14 PST by Duke_Ferris
A Product of The Environment
From: "marss" (*** 
Subject: Hairstyle attack!
I haven't played the MGS2 demo, hell, i've never touched a PS2 (DC 4ever!... until next year, then XBOX 4EVER!). I've seen the screenshots and posters in some mags, though. Ugh. Just answer this question... WHY THE HELL DOES SOLID SNAKE HAVE A FRICKIN MULLET? God almighty, is he some kind of Joe Dirt fan or some sh*t?
Dear Marss,

Honestly, we're not sure why Solid Snake decided to grow a mullet, but it's certainly a handsome one.

To better understand Snake's stylistic intentions, we asked the GR Detective Agency to do a little footwork. The results are scary.

We all know that Solid was born from a test tube filled with Big Boss' DNA. But what you didn't know is that all of this took place in a small, remote town in the Midwest.

Solid was a simple child, often entertaining himself on the farm by quietly sneaking up on cows and silently tipping them over. Eventually he moved on to playing "G.I. Joe" with some buddies outside the local Popeye's Chicken, and it was here where he first happened upon the mullet look.

Many years later, Snake has risen to become one of the top agents in his field and a true video game superstar. Still, he retains the mullet.

Which just goes to show: you can take the secret agent out of the rednecks but you can't take the redneck out of the secret agent...unless you give him a haircut, I guess.


It's What We Do!
From: "Eric Bolam" (***
Subject: what the.......
what the hell is that reviewing this gay ass pin ball game you 
guyz are pathetic you know you shouldnt waste your damn time on a 
stupid gay game like that. Why dont review some other sh*t like oh 
i dont quest for glory V again or something. Any thing except that, 
that was pathetic no wonder gamespot is better then you guys at 
least they update there page every freaking day and there at all 
the freaking e3 and computer gaming shows you guyz just planly suck 
now i know where to hang out at
Hello Eric,

Excellent letter. Way to argue. And way to spell! We suggest first looking into a Dictionary. Then, we recommend looking into the definition of the word "gay," as you really seem to like it.

Why did we review KISS Pinball? Well, because it's a game, and contrary to popular opinion, reviewing games is what we do here. By the way, Gamespot reviewed it too. Does that make them as stupid as us? Woohoo!


P.S. We'll be sure to tell the Gamespot guys that you like their website when we see them at E3.

From: "Jaraxle" (***
Subject: You Guys Rock! III
Hey, this is the third letter I have written to you 
guys about how much Game Revolution kicks ass. Well 
now to the first order of business.... THANK YOU!!!!
I just received Command & Conquer Collector's Edition
and the bonus Ready 2 Rumble Boxing 2 key chain. I 
must admit I knew of Sal Magicpants because my head 
has been taken by that demon with a 007 license many 
times over. I will not give my screen name in hope 
that some day I will be able to sneak up and take out 
SMp some day [hopes]. I read a lot of the GR mail bag 
and don't understand the hate mail that is directed 
at you guys for your reviews. I read a lot of the 
competition on the net and the stand, they don't hold 
a candle, zip, nadda. I mean a lot of the reviews in 
magazines are completely biased. I guess its because 
they don't want to piss off the developers who send 
them stuff early. Frankly I don't care if I have to 
wait a week to get a good review after the launch of 
a game. It's a hell of a lot better then blowing 50 
bucks on a piece of crap that I can only get 10 bucks 
back for. i.e.. almost bought Superman for N64 
[shudders]. Well your reviews which are always 
straight forward are a welcome reprieve from the 
horrid showers of wasted web space that clog the 
online gaming world. Thank You for C&C2 R.A.I will 
play it as soon as I send this off. It will do me 
good to have a brief interlude form Black & White. 
Maybe I will eat too, ahh yes I think I remember what 
food taste like! the sneaky bastard who will try to 
take Sal Magicpants head!
Howdy Jaraxle,

Congratulations on winning the contest! And thanks for all the nice comments. We always knew we could buy reader affection.

Glad you liked the keychain. We were going to give away a brand new pair of Nikes as the bonus prize, but then Ben reminded us that we need to get to E3 and that they'd fetch a good lump of cash.


P.S. Maybe you can talk to our friend Eric who wrote the previous letter. I think we have some Knockout Kings promotional Brass Knuckles laying around here somewhere...

Plastic Men and The Gamers Who Love Them!
From: "Stingray" (***
Subject: ARMY MEN
What is wrong with you people? I agree that almost every 
ON THE PLAYSTATION! what's that If your going to say a 
series is bad review the whole sereis 
Hi Sting,

Look, we've tried to review as many Army Men games as possible, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THEY MAKE OUR EYES BLEED! Please try to understand.


Big Screen Zombies!
From: M.Trent Reznor (***
Subject: $%^%%*
hey do you have any info on the resident evil movie? 
I think your site is cool but why in a letter if somone 
says f*** you bleep it out but in penny arcade you don't. 
and you never update that gay thing little gamers you just 
change the date it is the essay one every time
Hey Mr. Reznor,

Since we love your weird band, we found some info regarding Resident Evil: Ground Zero, the movie adaptation to the Resident Evil series by Capcom.

The movie is based on the events that transpired in the original Resident Evil game and is starring David Boreanaz (Buffy TVS); Milla Jovovich (Alice); Michelle Rodriguez (Rain); Eric Mabius (unconfirmed); James Purefoy and Heike Makatsch.

There were rumors that Bruce (hell yeah!) Campbell was to star as Chris Redfield, Robert Patrick (liquid metal guy from Terminator 2) was to play the sinster Wesker, and either Samuel L. Jackson or Danny Glover were to play the scarcely seen Kenneth Shall, but these are all unconfirmed and unfounded.

More in-depth information can be found here.

- if somone says f*** you bleep it out but in penny 
arcade you don't.

Our parents don't allow us to swear. Brian says he still has the taste of soap in his mouth from the last time he said "shucks dernit" within ear-shot of his mother.

- you never update that gay thing little gamers you just 
change the date it is the essay one every time

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