REVIEWSThe Incredible Adventures of Van Review
Van Helsing returns to Borgovia to slay monsters and take revenge. Is the final installment of this popular ARPG series considered a worthwhile conclusion?
In all the talk of graphical downgrades no one seems much preoccupied with 'why?'. Why build something and then proceed to tear it down, piece by piece, in the hope that ever more diminished expectations about the final product won't be severe enough to...
HomeManifesto GR Mailbag: Speak your peace now, for tomorrow we shall go to E3!
GR Mailbag: Speak your peace now, for tomorrow we shall go to E3!
Posted on Monday, May 14 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
From: "marss" (***@uswest.net)
Subject: Hairstyle attack!
I haven't played the MGS2 demo, hell, i've never touched a PS2
(DC 4ever!... until next year, then XBOX 4EVER!). I've seen the
screenshots and posters in some mags, though.
Just answer this question... WHY THE HELL DOES SOLID SNAKE HAVE A
FRICKIN MULLET? God almighty, is he some kind of Joe Dirt fan or
Honestly, we're not sure
why Solid Snake decided to grow a mullet, but it's certainly a handsome
To better understand Snake's
stylistic intentions, we asked the GR Detective Agency to do a little
footwork. The results are scary.
We all know that Solid was
born from a test tube filled with Big Boss' DNA. But what you didn't
know is that all of this took place in a small, remote town in the
Solid was a simple child,
often entertaining himself on the farm by quietly sneaking up on cows
and silently tipping them over. Eventually he moved on to playing "G.I.
Joe" with some buddies outside the local Popeye's Chicken, and
it was here where he first happened upon the mullet
Many years later, Snake has
risen to become one of the top agents in his field and a true video
game superstar. Still, he retains the mullet.
Which just goes to show:
you can take the secret agent out of the rednecks but you can't take
the redneck out of the secret agent...unless you give him a haircut,
It's What We Do!
From: "Eric Bolam" (***@tampabay.rr.com)
Subject: what the.......
what the hell is that reviewing this gay ass pin ball game you
guyz are pathetic you know you shouldnt waste your damn time on a
stupid gay game like that. Why dont review some other sh*t like oh
i dont quest for glory V again or something. Any thing except that,
that was pathetic no wonder gamespot is better then you guys at
least they update there page every freaking day and there at all
the freaking e3 and computer gaming shows you guyz just planly suck
now i know where to hang out at gamespot.com
Excellent letter. Way to
argue. And way to spell! We suggest first looking into a Dictionary.
Then, we recommend looking into the definition of the word "gay,"
as you really seem to like it.
Why did we review KISS
Pinball? Well, because it's a game, and contrary to popular opinion,
reviewing games is what we do here. By the way, Gamespot reviewed it
too. Does that make them as stupid as us? Woohoo!
P.S. We'll be sure to tell
the Gamespot guys that you like their website when we see them at E3.
From: "Jaraxle" (***@home.com)
Subject: You Guys Rock! III
Hey, this is the third letter I have written to you
guys about how much Game Revolution kicks ass. Well
now to the first order of business.... THANK YOU!!!!
I just received Command & Conquer Collector's Edition
and the bonus Ready 2 Rumble Boxing 2 key chain. I
must admit I knew of Sal Magicpants because my head
has been taken by that demon with a 007 license many
times over. I will not give my screen name in hope
that some day I will be able to sneak up and take out
SMp some day [hopes]. I read a lot of the GR mail bag
and don't understand the hate mail that is directed
at you guys for your reviews. I read a lot of the
competition on the net and the stand, they don't hold
a candle, zip, nadda. I mean a lot of the reviews in
magazines are completely biased. I guess its because
they don't want to piss off the developers who send
them stuff early. Frankly I don't care if I have to
wait a week to get a good review after the launch of
a game. It's a hell of a lot better then blowing 50
bucks on a piece of crap that I can only get 10 bucks
back for. i.e.. almost bought Superman for N64
[shudders]. Well your reviews which are always
straight forward are a welcome reprieve from the
horrid showers of wasted web space that clog the
online gaming world. Thank You for C&C2 R.A.I will
play it as soon as I send this off. It will do me
good to have a brief interlude form Black & White.
Maybe I will eat too, ahh yes I think I remember what
food taste like! the sneaky bastard who will try to
take Sal Magicpants head!
Congratulations on winning
the contest! And thanks for all the nice comments. We always knew we
could buy reader affection.
Glad you liked the keychain.
We were going to give away a brand new pair of Nikes as the bonus prize,
but then Ben reminded
us that we need to get to E3 and that they'd fetch a good lump of cash.
P.S. Maybe you can talk to
our friend Eric who wrote the previous letter. I think we have some
Knockout Kings promotional Brass Knuckles laying around here
Plastic Men and The Gamers Who Love Them!
From: "Stingray" (***@aol.com)
Subject: ARMY MEN
What is wrong with you people? I agree that almost every
army men game HAS SUCKED MORE THAN ANY GAME EVER CREATED.
but you DID NOT REVIEW THE ONLY GOOD GAME IN THE SERIES
ON THE PLAYSTATION! what's that If your going to say a
series is bad review the whole sereis
Look, we've tried to review
as many Army Men games as possible, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,
THEY MAKE OUR EYES BLEED! Please try to understand.
Big Screen Zombies!
From: M.Trent Reznor (***@hotmail.com)
hey do you have any info on the resident evil movie?
I think your site is cool but why in a letter if somone
says f*** you bleep it out but in penny arcade you don't.
and you never update that gay thing little gamers you just
change the date it is the essay one every time
Hey Mr. Reznor,
Since we love
your weird band, we found some info regarding Resident Evil: Ground
Zero, the movie adaptation to the Resident Evil series by
There were rumors that Bruce
(hell yeah!) Campbell was to star as Chris Redfield, Robert Patrick
(liquid metal guy from Terminator 2) was to play the sinster
Wesker, and either Samuel L. Jackson or Danny Glover were to play the
scarcely seen Kenneth Shall, but these are all unconfirmed and unfounded.