GR Mailbag: The Congressional Mailbag of Honor

From: "Josh" (***@msn.com)
Subject: paradox
This letter was written last night, that is if you answered it 
tommorrow morning, which means you didn't answer it when i 
wrote it, which is now, which "now" is tonight, so if i refer 
to something as tommorrow, then to you in the next day is now, 
which is tommorrow to me, but to me, which is right now, is 
tommorrow, but in your perspective everything i said, is a day 
old. So the events would happen then. 
Now THAT'S something to think about.

Uh, hey Josh,

Dude, it's Monday. Trying to answer an e-mail like this could easily cause a synaptic shutdown and cripple GR. Then who would feed the monkeys and see that they meet their deadlines?

Instead, we'll answer your letter by staring blankly, smiling and nodding.

- GR

From: "nick s." (***@hotmail)

Subject: none
Could Bruce Lee get into the GR compound? If not, could Bruce Lee 
get into the GR compound if he was wearing the Infinity 
Gauntlet?
Thanks.

Hello Nick,

Sure, if we invited him.

-GR

P.S. There's really nothing special about the Infinity Gauntlet. Though it has power over time and space, Thanos or Galactus would tell you, "It's you who are special, not the gauntlet. Now give me that damn glove before I eat your planet."

P.P.S. *Ben gives massive wedgie to whoever wrote the above P.S.

From: "???" (***@cs.com)
Subject: And The Spammy Goes To...
I WANT YOUR JOB, GIVE IT TO ME OR BURN IN HELL!!!!!!!!!

Dear Mystery Writer,

You want it, you got it. But it ain't comin' for free. I could use a new car, plus a new job. And if I give you my job, can I still burn in hell? It's colder than a witch's tit in here.

- GR

From: (***@@aol.com)
Subject: Zombie Fun

This Question Is Aimed At Zombie Duke:
On Resident Evil Director's Cut a zombie was eating 
another zombie, can zombie's really snack off eachother?
Or will they eventually die by eating eachother, in 
anycase why do they have to eat living people? I'm sure 
people would accept zombies more if you ate more zombies 
and less living people.
P.S. AOL smells funny

Dear Unfortunate AOL Zombie,

You have stumbled across the very reason that the Resident Evil: Director's Cut was banned in so many countries: zombie cannibalism. While exceedingly rare in the real world of zombies, R.E. director Shinji Mikami obviously uses zombie cannibalism as a cheap shock tactic.

Several countries have banned titles because of their beliefs. For example, in Catholic Ireland the Monty Python movies Life of Brian and The Meaning of Life have been banned because of their religious commentary. However, it seems to me that every right-thinking nation on Earth should be against the gratuitous portrayal of zombie cannibalism.

As long as perverted maniacs like Mr. Mikami are allowed to run free, conscientious zombies like us must remain ever-vigilant. I even hear that he is planning to include a scene of Dinosaur Pedophelia in Dino Crisis 3.

-Zombie Duke

From: "Brandon Thomas" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: ps one lcd?
is the ps one's lcd really worth the money? And what about 
those speakers... i know you talked good about them in that 
packgae article that you have but .......is it really true?
-Brandon

Dear Brandon,

We have a really hard time answering that with a "yes." Gaming on the go is great, but it's also really expensive. Plus, no one has made a screen bigger than 5 inches.

Let's do some math...

PSOne ($100) + LCD monitor ($130) = $230

If you own a PSOne, then it might not be that much of an expense to get a portable LCD screen. It really depends on how much you travel and how much you still play your PSOne games. But 230 bucks is a lot of cash...

Let's do more math...

Nintendo Gamecube ($200) + LCD monitor ($150) = $350

So for about $120 more you can have next-gen gaming on the go.

We can't say whether either is worth it. Gamers are a fickel bunch. Some of us are lightweights while others of are ready to do this if we can't game every single minute.

But for our money, it's a tough sell. With today's announcement of the GBA price drop to 70 bucks, why blow so much more money just to take your console on the road?

- GR