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DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: The Disgruntled Shine The Light!

Posted on Tuesday, April 3 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Struggling With Encephalitis.
From: "???" (***@aol)
Subject: .......THIS IS F*****NG IT!!!!!!!!!!
OK, I'm sick and tired of you sons of bi***es of Game 
Revolution!!!!!...............I never liked your website 
because of your horrible reviews you give to certain games, 
of certain company........... Now, recently, I saw that you 
posted the review for a game 
that I have been expecting for over 4 years.........the best 
racing game in the world. Now, you can see that I 'm not happr 
with the f****ng B-, which it definately did NOT deserve, 
that you gave it. This game surely and at least should have 
gotten your second best grade. It is not ours, or the game's 
fault that you are some f****ng losers who are so lonely that 
you need 39 people to race against to on a game..............
I'm just happy with the game just the way it is.......and I 
don't need this kind of b***rds to be giving bad reviews to 
games of my company.......and I certainly don't need you to 
be giving bad reviews to my FAVORITE game of all 
times............so, just putting it out there......and I'm
 watching you, eh...................good day!!! 
Dear Angry Guy,

Someone hasn't been taking their medication again.

We passed this on to the GR psychiatry ward, who outlined a few common side-effects that can occur when people forget to eat their happy candy, including:

- Misguided love for the Crow: City of Angels.
- Belief that Bruce Willis stole their cat's water dish.
- Eagerness to play the next Army Men game.
- Delusions that the Saturn isn't dead, and was in fact seen at a singles bar with Stalin, Chris Farley and Elvis.
- Praising the virtues of Belgium.
- Claiming that cheaters never prosper.
- Swearing Circus Peanuts are tasty.

and of course,

- Considering Daytona USA your "FAVORITE game of all times."

-GR

It Pays To Be Famous
From: "Robert Osadebay" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: SNK stands for.......
For your information the game company SNK stands 
for "Shin Nihon Kikaku." 
It's not Santa Needs Krack!!!!
Dear Robert,

Fine. You win, Mister "I-don't-believe-in-Santa-Claus-or-the-fact-that-he-needs-crack." You just take your pessimistic, "mature" ideology and leave us to our fantasy.

-GR

P.S. Isn't Shin Nihon Kikaku a Pokemon?

Fool.
From: "Guillaume Lamothe" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: ?????
WHAT?????? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU HAVEN'T PUT 
ANY APRIL'S FOOLS ON YOUR SITE????? Come on!! 
gamefaqs.com had put a fools on their poll....but 
you... nothing! I tought drunks like you had a good 
sense of humor! Plus, your reviews are full of jokes! 
But you don't put an april's fool on your site when 
it's the 1rst of april??????? Explain this odd 
behavior(Artanis the protoss quote, from starcraft 
broodwar).
ps: I would like to know if Sal magicpants has any elven 
relatives or is himself an elf.
Guillaume,

Read between the lines, man. Our big April Fool's prank was to NOT do anything for April Fool's Day! Ha! Get it? Fooled you!

-GR

P.S. Sal has no familial relationship with elves, though he has been known to eat a few.

Vacation Time.
From: "A Town" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: what are you doing?
after reading your mailbag all the time i have came 
to the conclusion that you are all wild gaming outlaws 
i mean you guys have all those women you have sex with 
and you say you guys smoke crack and lots of other drugs 
and where else would you get all the money to buy games!!
i think you guys should go to rehab.
Yo A-Town,

We love rehab! You get the best drugs in there. And women. And games. Not to mention it's where we find some of our best writers. It's become kind of a "Club Med" for us.

-GR

GR Q&A!
From: SPEEDRACER (***@aol.com)
Subject: PS2 versus XBOX
Hey GR- I read the xbox article on your site and looked 
at some of the game screens. They look great!!! I myself 
have a ps2 and was wondering if ps2 games were anything 
compared to xbox games graphically. Is XBOX going to beat 
the sh*t out of ps2? Is there any reason to even have 
a ps2? How much wil the new XBOX be anyways? Im about to 
go psycho here. I bought my ps2 and thought it would be 
great but it turns out that every new system is better. 
Do you think that the sony people might make an upgrade 
to the ps2 in the expansion bay? Do you think ps2 will 
ever be able to go online? please reply to my letter 
quickly and answer my questions. Thank you
SPEEDRACER
Hey "Speedy",

Sheesh. What are we, 411? Oh well. We can't just let these questions go unanswered, so allow us to roll up our sleeves...

Do you think ps2 will ever be able to go online?

Yes, the PS2 will be able to go online. "When" is a better question. We're all waiting for an official announcement regarding the online network.

Is there any reason to even have a ps2?

Sure! DVD player! Even if the games suck, you can rent movies and wash away the tears. Oh, and the upcoming Metal Gear Solid 2. Ohhhhhh, baby.

Do you think that the sony people might make an upgrade to the ps2 in the expansion bay?

There is a hard drive in the works for the PS2, though again, we're not entirely sure when it's due out (June, perhaps?).

Is XBOX going to beat the sh*t out of ps2?

If we could answer this question accurately, we would quit our day jobs and move to Vegas. No. Yes. Maybe. Frankly, we won't have a thing to say until the damn machine is finished and we get to play some completed games.

But since everyone keeps bugging us about this, here's a general thought in the GR office: Xbox games will probabaly have a slight edge over PS2 games due to the superior
hardware. But how do you compete with a man with an "...ambitious plan to launch hundreds of low-orbit satellites around the globe..." just because he feels DSL is too slow?

Didn't Cobra Commander try that already?

-GR

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