Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
From: "???" (***@aol)
Subject: .......THIS IS F*****NG IT!!!!!!!!!!
OK, I'm sick and tired of you sons of bi***es of Game
Revolution!!!!!...............I never liked your website
because of your horrible reviews you give to certain games,
of certain company........... Now, recently, I saw that you
posted the review for a game
that I have been expecting for over 4 years.........the best
racing game in the world. Now, you can see that I 'm not happr
with the f****ng B-, which it definately did NOT deserve,
that you gave it. This game surely and at least should have
gotten your second best grade. It is not ours, or the game's
fault that you are some f****ng losers who are so lonely that
you need 39 people to race against to on a game..............
I'm just happy with the game just the way it is.......and I
don't need this kind of b***rds to be giving bad reviews to
games of my company.......and I certainly don't need you to
be giving bad reviews to my FAVORITE game of all
times............so, just putting it out there......and I'm
watching you, eh...................good day!!!
Dear Angry Guy,
Someone hasn't been taking
their medication again.
We passed this on to the
GR psychiatry ward, who outlined a few common side-effects that can
occur when people forget to eat their happy candy, including:
- Misguided love for the
City of Angels.
- Belief that Bruce Willis stole their cat's water dish.
- Eagerness to play the next Army Men game.
- Delusions that the Saturn isn't dead, and was in fact seen at a singles
bar with Stalin, Chris Farley and Elvis.
- Praising the virtues of Belgium.
- Claiming that cheaters never prosper.
- Swearing Circus
Peanuts are tasty.
and of course,
- Considering Daytona
USA your "FAVORITE game of all times."
It Pays To Be Famous
From: "Robert Osadebay" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: SNK stands for.......
For your information the game company SNK stands
for "Shin Nihon Kikaku."
It's not Santa Needs Krack!!!!
Fine. You win, Mister "I-don't-believe-in-Santa-Claus-or-the-fact-that-he-needs-crack."
You just take your pessimistic, "mature" ideology and leave
us to our fantasy.
P.S. Isn't Shin Nihon Kikaku
From: "Guillaume Lamothe" (***@hotmail.com)
WHAT?????? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU HAVEN'T PUT
ANY APRIL'S FOOLS ON YOUR SITE????? Come on!!
gamefaqs.com had put a fools on their poll....but
you... nothing! I tought drunks like you had a good
sense of humor! Plus, your reviews are full of jokes!
But you don't put an april's fool on your site when
it's the 1rst of april??????? Explain this odd
behavior(Artanis the protoss quote, from starcraft
ps: I would like to know if Sal magicpants has any elven
relatives or is himself an elf.
Read between the lines, man.
Our big April Fool's prank was to NOT do anything for April Fool's Day!
Ha! Get it? Fooled you!
P.S. Sal has no familial
relationship with elves, though he has been known to eat
From: "A Town" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: what are you doing?
after reading your mailbag all the time i have came
to the conclusion that you are all wild gaming outlaws
i mean you guys have all those women you have sex with
and you say you guys smoke crack and lots of other drugs
and where else would you get all the money to buy games!!
i think you guys should go to rehab.
We love rehab! You get the
best drugs in there. And women. And games. Not to mention it's where
we find some of our best writers. It's
become kind of a "Club Med" for us.
From: SPEEDRACER (***@aol.com)
Subject: PS2 versus XBOX
Hey GR- I read the xbox article on your site and looked
at some of the game screens. They look great!!! I myself
have a ps2 and was wondering if ps2 games were anything
compared to xbox games graphically. Is XBOX going to beat
the sh*t out of ps2? Is there any reason to even have
a ps2? How much wil the new XBOX be anyways? Im about to
go psycho here. I bought my ps2 and thought it would be
great but it turns out that every new system is better.
Do you think that the sony people might make an upgrade
to the ps2 in the expansion bay? Do you think ps2 will
ever be able to go online? please reply to my letter
quickly and answer my questions. Thank you
Sheesh. What are we, 411?
Oh well. We can't just
let these questions go unanswered, so allow us to roll up our sleeves...
Do you think ps2 will ever be able to go online?
Yes, the PS2 will be able
to go online. "When" is a better question. We're all waiting
for an official announcement regarding the online network.
Is there any reason to even have a ps2?
Sure! DVD player! Even if
the games suck, you can rent movies and wash away the tears. Oh, and
the upcoming Metal Gear Solid 2. Ohhhhhh, baby.
Do you think that the sony people might make an upgrade to the ps2
in the expansion bay?
There is a hard drive in
the works for the PS2, though again, we're not entirely sure when it's
due out (June, perhaps?).
Is XBOX going to beat the sh*t out of ps2?
If we could answer this question
accurately, we would quit our day jobs and move to Vegas. No. Yes. Maybe.
Frankly, we won't have a thing to say until the damn machine is finished
and we get to play some completed games.