Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
Subject: A new game will storm the market
Alternative Computer Solutions
28 June 2004
ACS would like to inform you of our game under development code named,
[hidden_project]. [Hidden_project] is an intense game fully integrated
with the game playing styles of strategy, RPG, and 1st person shooter
along with an innovative console environment. [Hidden_project] does
not just contain characteristics from each style, but fully integrates
them with an intense storyline. We are taking this time to state our
ideas and future plans. At this time we do not want to disclose details
of the storyline.
All three styles of game play will flow seamlessly into one cohesive
environment. The console environment is a separate identity that interacts
with the game allowing control of the game in a complete text based
manner. The feel of the console will be similar to a UNIX console,
only the elite gurus will be able to master such method of playing.
As far as ACS understands, there is not a game currently under development
similar to ours, however; because of the large amount of time it takes
to develop such a game we would like to state that we are the first
to make a commitment to such a game of integration. We are hoping for
a playable demo within the next year and a half and a full release
within 6 months of the demo.
If you have any questions or comments please
email them to **********. Thank you for you time.
[Hidden_project] is truly an
undertaking of [size] proportions. It sounds like a [adjective]
game and should change the face of [console_name] video gaming
for [number] years to come. We are very
[emotion] to hear that you cannot tell us the story line, but we
understand that when you spend all day smoking [drug], it's hard
to keep it all together. Good luck working on [Hidden_project]
and be sure to call us when it's [state_of_existence].
I hate you, thanks for ruining my game forever. NOW ITS IN THE TRASH because
guys and the FREEALL cheat code. You may have warned us but you did not
tell us the
game would have to be thrown away. Im never going back on your website
And Im going to tell every singel one of my friends that has the
game to never ever
go on this website or try the cheat code EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are correct: we did not tell you the game
would have to be thrown away because you couldn't figure out how
to undo a cheat. We also didn't tell you to send us 100 dollars
cash, so go ahead and do that, too.
connolly (*********@yahoo.com) Subject: none
any idea where i could get a donkey kong tie? you know,
the red tie
with the DK on it. ive checked tie sites and ebay,
but no luck.
You mean they didn't have
one at Macy's?
Look, we know you think a DK tie
is going to be really cool, but it isn't. It's geeky. Too geeky,
really, unless you're a gorilla, in which case we'd
like to meet you because you type well for a gorilla.
Seriously, get out while you
can, because once you buy a DK tie, it's all over for you. Next
thing you know, you'll look like this. Or maybe
you'll go bigger and wind up like this. A DK
Tie is a gateway drug, eventually leading to extended cosplay, which
can have disastrous
Save yourself a great deal of
time, money and embarrassment and get a fish tie instead.
Speaking of monkeys...
From: *******@aol.com Subject: Questions
OK I just have one thing to say. I think i play video games a lot, and
I know for damn sure you guys play a hell of a lot more than me, and after awhile
i get bored wit games that, for example, you have given an "A" or "B" rating. Games
like GTA III and Vice City, Madden, Hitman, a few more, and even Halo.
the way i find games much more entertaining, and other gamers I know as well,
is to, uh, get high. So, i was wondering, since you all play video games
as a career and play a lot of video games from start to finish, if you do the
same, from time to time, just to make daily job that could get boring at times
a little more intersting.
Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,
Do we get high? Of course! But we don't do it in
the conventional way, mainly because we live in Berkeley and that's just
way too obvious.