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Welcome Back to the West
By oneshotstop
Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


GR Mailbag: The Mail Agenda

Posted on Tuesday, July 10 @ 12:13:14 PST by Duke_Ferris
To Arms!
From: "Sam Sahakian"
Subject: Why must you hate?
I was just reading the latest mailbag and I noticed that 
Circus Peanuts were listed along with a bunch of gross 
and inedible-sounding bad candy, probably from
But what's so bad about Circus Peanuts? I've had them before, 
and frankly, they seem to be exactly like marshmallows.
Does this mean that GR has something against marshmallows?
I'm not implying anything, I was just Wondering.
Your reader and pathetic fanboy,

Dear Sam,

What's so bad about Circus Peanuts? Don't ask us. We're not the experts. But we sure as hell trust these guys.

Besides, any "candy" that can double as a shotgun shell or plastique shouldn't be eaten. It should be confiscated and hoarded in the GR Armory for the coming battle with the LOFFSLF (Lovers of Final Fantasy VII Liberation Front)

Picture submitted by Greg McGraw.

- GR

Boom, baby, boom!
From: "Tejmin" 
Subject: ???
why didn't you go with the rest of the guys to wait 
in line for the ps2? you are one hell of a lazy bastard!! 

Hey Tejmin,

Well, Shawn says he was sick that day. But we have been receiving more and more reports stating that on the day the PS2 was released, a strange man bearing a striking resemblance to The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs At Midnight was seen on Amateur Night at the "This End Up" strip club in San Francisco.

Shawn denies all allegations...though he did try to blow up the GR compound once.

Our Jaded Bretheren!
From: (****
Subject: Coincidence? I think not.....
Hi, I was just wondering if you guys are in cahoots with, I mean, you guys have 5 links to their site 
{4 in the GR mailbag, and 1 in your Army Men Sarge's Heroes
2 review}. Plus, you both also 1} Get an insane amount of 
stupid e-mails from stupid people 2} You both know exactly 
how to mock these people and 3} You both seem to have a 
thing against Circus Peanuts. So, it seems a little fishy 
to me that you so many things in common with 
while never actually mentioning the site itself. Thanks! 
Viva La Revolution! 

Hey There Mystery Scribe,

Make that 6 links to Bad-Candy! Wait, 7!

Indeed, Bad-Candy and Game-Revolution have a lot in common. We both have hyphenated names. We're both snappy dressers. We both like long walks on the beach.

But primarily, we both consider it our duty to warn consumers against the Fruit Salted Plum Suckers of the world, be they heinous lollipops or bad games.

Wait, 8!

- GR

Now That's Good Eatin'!
From: "Jacqueline Bell" 
Subject: I have a few words of critisizm for you.
Hi. I LOOOOOOOOOOOVED your website! I used to always use 
it for Playstation reviews and for everything else. But 
now you have greatly offended me. You're review of Tecmo's 
"Gallop Racer" really sucked. You only gave your opinion 
and not what other people want. Did you ever think of the 
fact that people who like horses have feelings too? 
Obviously not!!!!!!!!!!! It's a very fun game that tests 
your skills at control and intellegince, which obviously 
you have none of!! It has some of the best graphics for a 
horseracing game and for any game! But the statement that
offended me most was when you said "send this pony to thew 
glue factory!" Obviously, you don't know or care about what 
happens at the glue factory. Do you know how many countless 
horses suffer needlessly every day because of human 
incompotince?? Obviously as I pointed out before you're too 
stupid to know anything at all! Well I don't use your server 
anymore and have found a different review site that makes 
fair statements. I hope you lose all of your visitors! 
Perhaps if you reconsider your review of Gallop Racer I'll 
come back, but until then I won't! Oh and the point of 
horseracing isn't gambling, it 's to form a special bond 
between you and one horse na dsee's bond can't be broken! 
Oh and by the way feel free to drop me a line at any time. 
I'll be waiting.

Dear Jaqueline,

While we firmly stand behind the grade we gave for Gallop Racer, we do agree that the glue comment was a bit thoughtless and inconsiderate. Slaughtering fine horses to make glue just so we can fix broken vases is both selfish and an extreme act of hubris.

I mean, think of all the starving people in Europe and Asia that could have used those horses for a delicious Filet of Filly? Think of the children!

Next time we promise to be more considerate to those who love the art of horseback riding, and those who love a well-seasoned horseback.


P.S. And the point of horseback racing is, in fact, gambling. That's why they have odds and trifectas and daily doubles and guys named Vinnie who will bust your kneecaps if you don't pay back the loan shark.

We Hate The Taste of Spam!
From: "the CAL" 
Subject: I want out!
Thank you (for unsubscribing me), i mean no offense of anything, 
but i just use your site for cheats, and i think your newsletter 
is crap. with all this spam and junk. whats up with it?

To The Cal,

Spam Revolution (the GR newsletter) is not really spam.

The newsletter is a nothing more than a weekly update. It's a simple service for everyone who has subscribed featuring blurbs and links to everything new on GR each week - previews, reviews, downloads, and cheats. Nothing more, nothing less.

There is no spam. We aren't trying to sell you anything or convince you that your money is safer in our hands (although it really is). We don't have a brilliant financial scheme that will make you millions of dollars just by forwarding our newsletter to the rest of the world. You won't lose tons of weight and have the figure you've always dreamed from reading our newsletter. You will not receive good luck for 40 years by passing it along to 40 friends in the next 40 seconds. No sexual organs will increase in size from reading our newsletter...we think.

And sadly, the opposite sex will find you just as unattractive as they always did...unless you send a $20.00 check or money order to GR, c/o Ben Silverman, at the address listed below. Why wait? Act now!


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