Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
From: "Ashton Whinery"
yo can you please change my name on the mail bag to like
john doe or something plz dont use my first and last name
there are ways to find out where i live ya know.
We all already know where
you live. We know your
address, we know your home phone number, we know your favorite flavor
Pop Tart and we know you religiously tape that Buffy:
The Vampire Slayer TV show.
Now, remember to take Sundae
(your adorable pet Chow) out for a walk before mom comes home from her
work as a paralegal. And the next time that girl comes by - no, not
that one, the one with the things - try brushing your hair. She
(or should I say, Wendy) likes guys who are clean cut. Make us proud!
P.S. NO ONE CARES WHERE YOU LIVE BUT US, ASH.
Tribute to The Gods.
Subject: o good god... what god?
I have been perplexed aboot something for sometime now.
Of all the religions of the world when you add them up you
have a god for just aboot everything, except video games.
Who is the almighty god of video games, because seriously
folks, if there is one, i would like to know, because i would
much rather spend an hour praying to this god than to go to
church for an hour. Any info on this would be much obliged.
You speak of idolatry.
Punishment for such a crime
varies from faith to faith. But our favorite is to string the idolater
up by his pinkie toes and stone him with Peanut M&Ms.
Lucky for you, we think idolatry
is fine. Our gods are many and our loyalities fluctuate. Currently,
we give virgins, lambs, and Army Men games to He Who Must Not
Be Named Unless You Name Him A Cool Name. He seems like a just
god, though we swear he cheats at Counter-Strike.
2 + 2 = ....um....carry the 2....er...
Subject: how much do u spend???
dear gr,how much money do u spend on games and new
consoles every year? u guys must have a ****load of
money or something.thanx gr
Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,
Let's see. In a year, eh?
Cost of games
($0) + cost of hardware ($0) + gas money ($20) = approx. $20.
But don't hold us to that
figure. Apparently Brian spent some cash on a new controller. We gotta
look into that.
Several months ago I was reading an article about a new
type of bomb being built called the "E-Bomb". What it does
is it sends out an electromagnetic field that disables some
kinds of lights, T.V.s, batteries, computers, engines, and
alot of other stuff, well I didn't pay much attention to
one sentence at the time, but with the bombings and
everything it popped back into my head and stuck there. The
sentence was: "This new type of bomb is being developed at
the PENTAGON." Pretty ironic isn't it?
Are you sure you weren't
dreaming about the previous night's Freespace
2 frag fest?
Besides, who needs an "e-bomb"
when your country has the Crow:
City of Angels. It can easily disables all kinds of lights,
T.V.s, batteries, computers, engines and brainwaves.
The Search For The Ultimate Invertibrate.
From: "Adrien Baumann"
Subject: EAT COW!!!!!
I remember when I was 6 or 7 and I rented earthworm jim 2.
God was that game fun. I miss my SNES now because of that
game. I wish they would make a good new earthworm jim game.
unlike earthworm jim 64 which I think sucked really stinkin'
bad. Have you heard about a new earthworm jim game or seen a
preview at E3?
Aside from making us feel
older than dirt (can't believe you were 6 when EWJ
2 came out), you pose a very good question. We loved the first Earthworm
Jim and were pleased to see him in celestial form as "Jim"
in Interplay's RTS Sacrifice.
But unfortunately, we have
not heard a peep regarding our favorite annelid's next stop. Will it
be PS2, Xbox, Gamecube? We don't know. But next-gen Jim sounds like
good eatin' to us.