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FEATURED VOXPOP oblivion437 Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that.  It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece.  I strongly recommend anyone...

DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: The Real Reason People Go Postal

Posted on Monday, June 19 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Spud Webb, yo!
From: "Phil Simko" (*******@hotmail.com)


Subject: jigga what? there should be a basketball game called, "Fo Sheed." it would be dope. aight, i'm outie -Fill P.S. you guys usually print random crap; i double dare you to print this. what you got? detroit what? P.P.S. as in, Rasheed Wallace.
What up Phil dog,

Aight, check it! Forget dat "Fo Sheed" shiznit! It's all about "Webb-dawg." That lil' sawed-off foo be ballin', yo! Y'all ain't never hear them fools vibrates ya cranium 'bout Webb-dawg no mo. Whassup wit dat? Webb-daaawwg! Fools need to sprout game 'bout "Webb-dawg", starring Spud the Webb-dawg, sucka! I'm for real, yo. Heah me? All up in ya ear area, what?

-GR

P.S. Fa'get Detroit, foo. Spokane in da hizouse, foo! What now, what?

SimDude 3000
From: "BoniFamily" (*****@alltel.net)
Subject: alltel.net
Dude,like I would totally love it if you would make like a review for 
like SimSafri an' like maybe sim city. like thatnks alot dude,
bye,
--some dude
Hey Boni dude,

Okay, like, dude! Like, I totally understand where you're coming from with the SimSafari trip. It's the kind, dude.

But dude, review Sim City? 'Cause like, dude, it's up to like 3000 now, dude! That's right, Sim City 3000. That's like, hella game playing, dude. I mean, you want me to review, like, 3000 games? Bogus, dude.

-GR

I Wish I Knew A Girl!
From: "Dukester" (*****@aol.com)
Subject: Girl Gamers
I am tired of listening to all the female gamers complain 
about the lack of games for girls. People have to realize 
that the average computer game just doesn't appeal as much 
to females as it does to males. I mean, how many female 
gamers enjoy gutting a terrorist with a combat knife or 
slaying a fifty foot demon?
I for one have never walked into an EB and herd a women 
ask if there is a copy of Soldier of Fortune available. 
And as for female game heroes all being scantly clan 
floozies, the story isn't much different for male heroes. 
Have you ever seen a 42 year old balding man with a beer 
belly be the star? Sure, there could be more games out 
with an emphasis only for female gamers, but think how 
they would sell. Game developers have to 
eat too you know. Well, most of them.
Mika Mage
Hey Mika,

If the scantily clad thing is the same for men, why don't we give all the male heroes thongs, a rocket launcher, and band-aids to cover their nipples? Point being...

No one wants to carry out their mission or objectives dressed like a reject from a Ron Jeremy movie (boys or girls). But the men in video games are always buffed out and burly, looking like they have the tools to get the job done, whereas the women often look like, well, hookers. Size 40 boobs crammed into a size 30 bikini top is probably not the garb of choice for most adventuring ladies.

And game developers do not, in fact, have to eat. Most can survive on caffeine and candy bars for up to 5 years.

-GR

P.S. Have you ever seen the nerds that hang out at an EB? That may explain the absence of girl gamers.

Men In Tights!
From: Big Bobbo (*****@aol.com)
Subject: Video Game Porn
I was wondering if they make pornographic video games for 
playstation and if so how do you find them? Im new to computers 
and I dont have alot of time to look around for these things . 
Besides, my computer sucks and it doesnt have alot of memory or 
speed for downloads. If you know how I can find something 
like this please email me.
Hey BB,

Sure, there are plenty of porn games for the PSX. Let's see...there's WWF Smackdown, WWF Attitude, WWF Warzone, WCW Mayhem...

-GR

Settle Down, Beavis.
From: Loccus (******@hotmail.com)
Subject: The new Religion of gaming goodness
ALL HAIL GAME REVOLUTION! THEIR WEB SITE IS A 
NEW RELIGION! ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH THEM CAN BURN IN 
THE PRIVATE HELL THAT BILL GATES HAS RESERVED FOR HIM! 
ANYONE WHO JUDGES THEM CAN DIE! DO YOU HEAR ME? DIE!!
They call me Loccus in my cult for geeky gamers....
but I'm the only member.
Loccus,

Excellent, my servant. You have obviously supped the blood of our enemies, and will be rewarded handsomely with a good chunk of Belgium after we conquer it.

But in the meantime, may we recommend supping decaf? Seriously.

-GR

Tags:   gr mailbag


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