Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
Subject: jigga what?
there should be a basketball game called, "Fo Sheed." it
would be dope. aight, i'm outie
P.S. you guys usually print random crap; i double dare you
to print this. what you got? detroit what?
P.P.S. as in, Rasheed Wallace.
What up Phil dog,
Aight, check it! Forget dat
"Fo Sheed" shiznit! It's all about "Webb-dawg."
That lil' sawed-off foo be ballin', yo! Y'all ain't never hear them
fools vibrates ya cranium 'bout Webb-dawg no mo. Whassup wit dat? Webb-daaawwg!
Fools need to sprout game 'bout "Webb-dawg", starring Spud
the Webb-dawg, sucka! I'm for real, yo. Heah me? All up in ya ear area,
P.S. Fa'get Detroit, foo.
Spokane in da hizouse, foo! What now, what?
Dude,like I would totally love it if you would make like a review for
like SimSafri an' like maybe sim city. like thatnks alot dude,
Hey Boni dude,
Okay, like, dude! Like, I
totally understand where you're coming from with the SimSafari trip.
It's the kind, dude.
But dude, review Sim City?
'Cause like, dude, it's up to like 3000 now, dude! That's right, Sim
City 3000. That's like, hella game playing, dude. I mean, you want me
to review, like, 3000 games? Bogus, dude.
I Wish I Knew A Girl!
From: "Dukester" (*****@aol.com)
Subject: Girl Gamers
I am tired of listening to all the female gamers complain
about the lack of games for girls. People have to realize
that the average computer game just doesn't appeal as much
to females as it does to males. I mean, how many female
gamers enjoy gutting a terrorist with a combat knife or
slaying a fifty foot demon?
I for one have never walked into an EB and herd a women
ask if there is a copy of Soldier of Fortune available.
And as for female game heroes all being scantly clan
floozies, the story isn't much different for male heroes.
Have you ever seen a 42 year old balding man with a beer
belly be the star? Sure, there could be more games out
with an emphasis only for female gamers, but think how
they would sell. Game developers have to
eat too you know. Well, most of them.
If the scantily clad thing
is the same for men, why don't we give all the male heroes thongs, a
rocket launcher, and band-aids to cover their nipples? Point being...
No one wants to carry out
their mission or objectives dressed like a reject from a Ron Jeremy
movie (boys or girls). But the men in video games are always buffed
out and burly, looking like they have the tools to get the job done,
whereas the women often look like, well, hookers. Size 40 boobs crammed
into a size 30 bikini top is probably not the garb of choice for most
And game developers do not,
in fact, have to eat. Most can survive on caffeine and candy bars for
up to 5 years.
P.S. Have you ever seen the
nerds that hang out at an EB? That may explain the absence of
Men In Tights!
From: Big Bobbo (*****@aol.com)
Subject: Video Game Porn
I was wondering if they make pornographic video games for
playstation and if so how do you find them? Im new to computers
and I dont have alot of time to look around for these things .
Besides, my computer sucks and it doesnt have alot of memory or
speed for downloads. If you know how I can find something
like this please email me.
Sure, there are plenty of
porn games for the PSX. Let's see...there's WWF Smackdown, WWF Attitude,
WWF Warzone, WCW Mayhem...
Settle Down, Beavis.
From: Loccus (******@hotmail.com)
Subject: The new Religion of gaming goodness
ALL HAIL GAME REVOLUTION! THEIR WEB SITE IS A
NEW RELIGION! ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH THEM CAN BURN IN
THE PRIVATE HELL THAT BILL GATES HAS RESERVED FOR HIM!
ANYONE WHO JUDGES THEM CAN DIE! DO YOU HEAR ME? DIE!!
They call me Loccus in my cult for geeky gamers....
but I'm the only member.
Excellent, my servant. You
have obviously supped the blood of our enemies, and
will be rewarded handsomely with a good chunk of Belgium
after we conquer it.
But in the meantime, may
we recommend supping decaf? Seriously.