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Welcome Back to the West
By oneshotstop
Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


GR Mailbag: The Truth Is Out There. Let It Stay Out There!

Posted on Monday, June 5 @ 12:13:14 PST by Duke_Ferris
John Romero Stole My Man!
From: Morten and Mingxing (*******

Subject: Hardcore gamers, blah, blah, blah... Ahem, The front page feature review being DAIKATANA, as if anyone gives a shit anymore. PLEASE get your act together; the reviewers are competent and informative, but hella slow. Thank you, Morten and Mingxing
Hey Morten and Mingxing,

Point taken, though the review is no longer on the cover.

Besides, you guys may want to check out Daikatana again. Any FPS player will tell you that John Romero's new little bundle of joy is at least as much fun as being trapped in an all white room, with just you and a 13 inch television set playing consecutive, non-stop episodes of Rikki Lake in Spanish. Es muy bien.

But just barely.


Where's My Money, John?
From: "Alan Tarpey" (*****
Subject: Daikatana
Three people who bought the PC version of Daikatana from 
Electronic Boutique immediately demanded refunds.
Hi Alan,

Daikatana actually sold three copies? We're impressed.


P.S. Retailer won't take back your Daikatanas? Then send them to Game Revolution. For every used copy of Daikatana we receive, Game Revolution will send out one pickled mango seed, one letche seed, or one used Kleenex tissue. You get to pick.
While supplies last!

Bottoms Up!
From: MllratBrodie (*****
Subject: Questions
Dear GR,
I have been a loyal reader for a long time and I have a 
few questions.
1. Remember the Harlem Globetrotters cartoons? Wouldn't it be 
   sooo cool if they made a game of them? You could pull something 
   out of the 
one dudes afro as an inventory! 2. I miss ALF. They need to make virtual ALF. Kinda like Teddy Ruxpin, only for the computer. That'd be cool. Who do you think should delvelop it? 3.Do you guys like toast as much as I hope you do (alot)? Sincerly, Greg Luebker
Hey Mil,

1. Yes, we remember. And no, that would not be cool. I mean think about it - the Globetrotters always win. Where's the fun in that?

2. Are you high?

3. Absolutely. Cheers! L'Chaim! Salut! Prost! Kanpai! Skol! Bottoms Up!


Nasty Boy!
From:"Smurffeb7" (*****
Subject: for adults only
is any ever going to come out with a nude video 
game if they do it should be one about fear effect 
that hanna is hott... puuuuuuuuuuurrrrrr
Yo Smurf,

There have been plenty of nude video games. Pac-Man was nude. Donkey Kong was quite nude. Q-bert? Nude, nude, nude.

The most famous nude video game of all time, however, has to be Kirby. Plus, he's fat. Nude and fat - what a stellar combination!


P.S. Don't ever, ever, ever purr at me again.

Who Cares About Girls?
From: sergei0 (******
Subject: This is a very important e-mail
I understand that you are working for big game companies 
and they are probably paying yu good money to write there 
reviews but for ones think of me as a hot looking guy or 
girl what ever you prefer that is going to do you a 
favor some day too
Hey Sergio,

I prefer hot looking barbecued baby back ribs, with extra spicy barbecue sauce. Are you a rack of barbecued baby back ribs, with extra spicy barbecue sauce? 'Cause if you are, you need to start runnin'...


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