The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...
HomeManifesto GR Mailbag: You Too Can Train Your Cow To Eat The Mailman!
GR Mailbag: You Too Can Train Your Cow To Eat The Mailman!
Posted on Monday, April 9 @ 12:13:14 PST by Duke_Ferris
We Are Not CNN, People.
From: Rural Punk (***@aol.com)
Subject: Bush V/S China
The US of freakin A messed up again. We got caught spying
on China and then we try and blame it on them. All they
want is a simple apology. Bush needs to pull his head out
of his butt and get to work. So y is he just sittin
Look, we might be gaming
gurus, but we're not particularly well versed when it comes to politics.
Still, we think we know why Bush is just sitting around. It's in his
nature, see, because
he's a monkey, and that's what monkeys do.
Just be glad he isn't throwing
his poop at anyone.
That's Good Eatin'!
From: "Phil Johnson" (***@hotmail.com)
Okay, I have something important to convey... I feel that
we spend too much time in a day sleeping, and this really
needs to stop. The 'Man' is telling us that we need sleep,
but we don't need the 'Man' telling us what to do!
So everyone simply needs to BOYCOTT SLEEP!
DON'T DO IT ANYMORE!
It's not like you need it anyhow.
You never hear about people dying because they were on an
So join with me, don't give up, and BOYCOTT SLEEP!
We agree! Who needs sleep
when you have Black
& White?! We don't need to sleep! Haven't slept a wink in about
4 days! And look how fine we are! Just fine! Ahhh!
We never let our villagers
sleep! It could be pitch dark in the middle of the night, and we'll
still raise the village totem 80-90%! Yeah, because sleep is bad!
Get the hell up and go worship
your master! Papa needs a new forest! Else we'll turn you little bastards
beef! You know?
But at least we're awake
and can still function! Function! Ahhhh! Whazzat? You hear that? They're
in your head, man, but they're not there...they're there, that's
where they are, man! Hehehehehehe! ZZZzzzzzzz...
From: "Sprout" (***@aol.com)
Subject: GAMECUBE, GAMECUBE, GAMECUBE...
WHATS UP WITH YOU GUYS. YOU HAVE BARLEY GIVEN US ANY
INFORMATION ON THE GAMECUBE ... WHEN WILL IT BE
RELEASED???????? HOW MUCH WILL IT COST???? WILL IT
BE ABLE TO SHOW DVD'S ?????????? DOES IT HAVE INTERNET
CONNECTION???????? WHEN WILL THE NEXT ZELDA GAME COME
OUT FOR IT ??????? ARE THERE GOING TO BE ANY "NAUGHTY"
GAMES SUCH AS CONKERS BAD FUR DAY??????????? AND THE
MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION , WILL THE GAMECUBE TOTALLY
BEAT THE PS2 AND THE XBOX ???????? BECAUSE I KNOW THE
COMPETETION LATER THIS YEAR WILL BE
Poor Gamecube enthusiasts,
eagerly awaiting the next morsel of GC coverage or news to viraciously
gobble down with a smile and middle finger in the face all things Sony
Unfortunately, there just
hasn't been an official announcement on the price, release date, DVD
capability or online functionality. We've
heard all kinds of rumors about the Gamecube, but we don't believe any
of it until Nintendo says so.
But if you want, we can try
to answer your questions:
Soon. A bunch. Maybe. Could
be. Soon. Possibly. There's a chance.
And you say we don't offer
Pinnochio vs GR! Whose Is Bigger?
From: "WiddlePuppy" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: ...with much nashing of teeth...
I am reeeeaaaallllllyyyyy started to pissed off at EA
and Lionhead studios. "Black and white will be out fall
of 2000" they said they said "winter of 2001" than they
said "spring of 2001" now they wont be releasing it this
spring. WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!! WHEN IS THE BLOODY GAME
GONNA BE RELEASED!!!!!!!!!!!!?????? If you gaming prodigies
over at game revolution could answer when those F**KED UP
PUSTUALS OVER AT EA will release this so called "great",
and "revolutionary" game will be released, it would be much
(STILL NASHING MY TEETH)
What's up WiddlePuppy,
Well, the game is in stores
right now. But untruthfully, we
were not very impressed (wink wink...nudge nudge). Hated it. Worst
game ever. Don't touch it. Bleeech. Go play The
P.S. Why does my nose feel
From: Andrei Pascariu (***@yahoo.com)
Subject: Tribes 2 review.
It's extremely annoying when people try to argue about
a review with game critics, however i cant possibly
agree with your review of Tribes 2. You claimed that
Tribes 2 has steep system requirements, (400mhz P2, 64
MB RAM, 531MB HD space, and 4X CD-rom) and yet, in
your review of Black and White there was no mention of
excessive system requirements (350MHZ P2 or AMD, 64 MB
RAM, 500MB HD space, 4X CD-rom), even though its
requirements are merely a processor with 50 less mhz,
and about 40MB less HD space. Now about the complaint
concerning the steep learning curve... IT'S AN ONLINE
GAME! Every single online game has a steep learning
curve, heck any game that has multiplayer has a steep
learning curve considering that at times ure playing
against people that play the game 24/7. People
shouldn't play online games unless they understand
that others may be better players than they are, and
they can take a bit of verbal harassment. But
complaining about a game merely because theres other
players out there that are bettter is sheer stupidity,
and dammit, it's an FPS, if u got good aim you can
play it fairly easily. Also, about the dissapointing
graphics? What system was the reviewer using?,
practically every other review i read about the game
praised its graphical splendor (which i also noticed
on my friends' machines). And the only time that there
are framerate problems is when people use low end
machines, and when lag is an issue. I really expected
better from a game revolution reviewer, if he wanted
to give the game a B as a review, then fine, but give
better and more plausible reasons. With the reasons
given, it seems more likely that the reviewer didn't
like the game, and was therefore biased towards it.
And while i understand that (after all not everybody
likes online only, mostly outdoors FPSs), i expect
game critics to give unbiased reviews. Anyways, i'd
appreciate a response, than you.
Well, we knew it was coming
and we knew it wouldn't take long. The hate mail for our Tribes
2 review has officially arrived! Break out the party hats!
Allow us to retort:
"You claimed that
Tribes 2 has steep system requirements...yet, in your review of Black
and White there was no mention of excessive system requirements..."
Right. Read more carefully.
We didn't mention the steep system reqs. of Tribes 2 as being
the problem. The problem is that it doesn't seem to matter how burly
the rig you run it on - the framerate is generally bad and the graphics
engine is just not optimized well whatsoever. Tribes 2 requires
even high-end PC users to systematically shut off nearly all graphical
bells and whistles just to make the game playable.
"What system was the
reviewer using?...practically every other review i read about the game
praised its graphical splendor."
Let's see. We've played Tribes
- The office gaming rig:
Pentium 733 w/256MB RAM & GeForce 2 GTS card.
- Shawn's AMD 700MHz w/ 192MB RAM & a 64 MB GeForce 2 Ultra.
- 6 different computers
at the official Tribes 2 launch event, all hand picked by Sierra
specifically to show off what Tribes 2 could do. Each was around
a PIII 600. It was
pretty interesting watching the developers frantically assist members
of the press on which bell and which whistle to turn off in order to
have a smoother framerate.
"complaining about a
game merely because theres other players out there that are bettter is
The author does not complain
that people are better at T2 than he is. As any good game reviewer
should, he simply informs the reader on what to expect from their first
sit down with the game. The fact of the matter is that Tribes 2
has a devoted following of Tribes players, and the complexity
of the gameplay can make it difficult for even experienced FPS fans
to pick it up and play.
"...it seems more
likely that the reviewer didn't like the game, and was therefore biased
Hmmm...didn't like the game,
and was therefore biased. If he didn't like the game, exactly how is
his opinion biased? He doesn't say that he hates first-person shooter
and therefore hates Tribes 2 or any such nonsense.
Besides, either you didn't
read the review completely or you just feel like being annoying. We
quote from the review itself:
"Having said that,
the game still remains incredibly fun...Even though it's not entirely
revolutionary and the graphics are a rough spot, Tribes 2 delivers
a unique and exciting brand of aerial, online mayhem. If you liked the
original, then this game is without a doubt a surefire purchase, if
only because it's what all the old Tribes players are going to
Sounds pretty good to us!
At any rate, thanks for the
opinion. Sorry that you're wrong. We had some nice parting gifts, but
we sold them to buy a video card to get Tribes 2 running better.