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Welcome Back to the West
By oneshotstop
Posted on 08/01/16
The only thing that stops the dust is the rain. It’s a sweet reprieve, but there is no middle ground. The land is either as dry as the Betty Ford clinic, or as wet as the ocean floor. Everything can be seen from the ridge overlooking Armadillo as John Marston gently bounces along atop...


GR Mailbag: Twice The Size, Twice The Postage

Posted on Tuesday, June 18 @ 16:00:00 PST by Duke_Ferris
At Least We Stopped Clubbing Seals
From: "Tim Gormley" 
To: Subject: X-box SUV?
Alright, so I know you need money to keep this site running. 
I like this site, even though I'm not a big gamer. You people 
write smart reviews about games (a rarity) and even manage to 
have a sense of humour about yourself.
But I have to say I'm disturbed that you're offering a 
give-away for an "X-Box equipped SUV." In general, I think 
SUV's are one of the most harmful and irresponsible consumer 
products on the market (next to tobacco). They are extremely 
harmful to the environment, and contribute huge amounts of 
greenhouse emissions into the atmosphere.
I'm no scientist, nor would I even consider myself an 
environmentalist. But I think it is irresponsible for 
you to promote Cadillac's latest line of SUV vehicles 
through your contest. Climate Change IS something that will 
affect our lives within this century something doesn't change. 
A recent report by the U.S. government's "Climate Action Report 
2002" predicts that over this century, US temperatures will rise 
by 1.6-5.0 degrees Celsius, or 3-9 degrees fahrenheit. The report 
predicts that this change would have the effect of heating 
up the climate of central U.S. states (like Indiana), making 
their climates similar to that of Southern States, like 
Climate Change IS a reality, and will start to affect YOU 
within YOUR lifetime. This is what the U.S. government has 
effectively stated with this report. You have an opportunity 
to make a small change. You can simply talk to Microsoft, 
or to whoever's in charge of this contest, and tell them that 
your site does not want to be used as a vehicle to promote and 
advertise SUV's (probably the most gas-guzzling type of 
automobile on the market today). If people don't start to 
make changes like this, we're ALL going to start feeling 
the effects of it, possibly even sooner than you or I can 
The choice is yours. 
-Stuart Neatby

Dear Stuart,

Whatever. Hippie.

- GR

From: "RNP" 
Subject: Question on How consoles render scenes compared to pc's?
I've heard somewhere that consoles render their scenes at 
640x800…how can they do that and make the it look decent, 
if I ran my games at 640x800 resolution on my computer they'd 
would look blocky as hell. How do computer and tv monitors differ. 
Also is it possible for me to connect my computer to a to a 27 
inch tv screen and play my games beautifully with all the effects, 
on just 640x800 resolution? 

Dear RNP,

Believe it or not, but the graphics on your TV actually look better because they are kind of blurry. Those blocky edges you see on your monitor get "fuzzed out" on the television. Combine that with a nice high frame rate, and the result looks better than you would expect.

Televisions don't show images the way a computer monitor does. There are no pixels. The NTSC format (The format used in America. Other countries use the PAL or SECAM formats.) actually consists of 525 horizontal lines stacked on top of each other. The horizontal level of detail depends on both the TV and the playback device.

30 times a second, each "field" consisting of half the lines on the screen are refreshed, alternating between the odd numbered lines and the even numbered ones. This gives an effective frame rate of 60fps (interlaced). the result looks nice and smooth, even if it lacks detail.

The system is primitive compared to your computer monitor (after all, it was invented in 1953), but who really wants to see Jennifer Aniston's nose hairs?


Spare Some Zenny?
From: "Beach Dude Disco Boy" 
Subject: Baldy?
I noticed that Baldric (the FF7 reviewer) isn't around anymore. 
Something (gulp) happen there?

Dear Beach Boy,

Ace GR writer Baldric has been on a bit of a hiatus for the past several years, as he's still recovering from the deluge of hate mail he got for his review of Final Fantasy VII. We last saw him wandering along Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley holding a sign that said "Will Work For Materia." He was wearing a big floppy hat. Very sad.


Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Board
From: *********
Subject: HELP!
I was reading about a game called Fatal Frame and on 
the bottom it said based on a true story. Is this true? 
If it is, can you send me the whole story? I really need it. 

Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

Fatal Frame is based on a true story in the same sense that Godzilla is based on a true story. In other words, the events in the game didn't actually happen for certain in real life. Rather Fatal Frame is based on a few Japanese Folk Tales.

Here's a direct quote from an older Tecmo press release:

Makoto Shibata, Chief Producer of Fatal Frame, described the inspiration for the gameí¯Â¿Â½s haunted house, "In an area outside Tokyo, there lies a mansion in which ití¯Â¿Â½s said seven people were murdered in a grisly manner. On the same property, there lie three detached residences that surround the mansion, all of which are rumored to have ties to the mansioní¯Â¿Â½s troubled past. Ití¯Â¿Â½s said there is an underground network of tunnels that lay beneath the premises, but nobody knows who made these tunnels or what purpose they served. Many inexplicable phenomenon have been reported occurring on the property. Bloody handprints have been found splattered all over the walls. Spirits have been spotted on the premisesí¯Â¿Â½ even in broad daylight. A narrow stairway leads to an attic where a spirit-sealed talisman is rumored to be locked away. Men have sought this talisman, only to be found later with their bodies broken and rope marks around their wrists. Thereí¯Â¿Â½s a crumbling old statue of a woman in a kimono, but its head is missing. If you take a photo of a certain window, a young girl can be seen in the developed picture. These incidents have provoked fear in the people of Tokyo, and many believe that those who live near this area will become cursed. The deaths of those seven people are unexplained to this day."

In other news, a couple parked by a lake heard reports of a crazed murderer on the loose with a hook for a hand. They figured it was a joke and continued making out. Then they heard some scratching on the door. When they got out to look, they saw a HOOK HANGING ON THE DOOR HANDLE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!


You Like Free?
From: "cc238497-a" 
Subject: the spiders
HELLO i just wanna say what a f*cking site this has becom!!!
all the time there walking spiders over the screen and than 
you have to wait until there gone!!!
then you think it is over but no there are some more 
spiders anoying me!!!
why have you done this it was a good site dont you think???
now its f*cked up!!!!!
greets DeEpThRaOt

Dear Deepthraot,

Are you related to Deepthroat?

Spiders really aren't so bad. They eat all kinds of pesky insects and help maintain a healthy ecosystem. Plus, they help keep GR free. So unless you want to start paying a monthly fee to use Game Revolution, learn to love your arachnid pals and stick a sock in it.

Plus, if you click on the spiders, they squish and then you don't have to wait.


That Would Be Greeeeaaat..
From: josh breese 
Subject: My staple remover style is far superior to your . . .
Dear Game Revolution(aries) & my fellow bored office dwellers,
I have descovered the secret to effective staple removing 
using the sharp fanged staple remover! I think most people 
might want to dig those shiny fangs of staple death into the 
back of the staple (i.e. where the sides of the staple fold 
onto the back of the paper), but NO! That is not were the 
staple remover is most effective! Attack from the front, 
flat side (usually found on the front side of the paper that 
is stapled). Dig those staple removing teeth under the staple 
and swiftly bite down (there might be a satisfying crunch) and 
pull the staple out. It's just that simple! Try it both ways 
and see what I mean!
-Josh (who is so bored at his office job that he came up with 
these instructions to share with all that share his plight).

Dear Josh,

Please, stop touching the stapler. Mmmkay? Great. And yeah, office jobs can suck. They can cramp your style.

Now can I have my stapler back?


Ask A Stupid Question...
From: ****
Subject: PS2 Update
I have heard rumors about a PS2 "Upgrade pack" 
that will make it better than the X-Box is this true? 
if true when will it be out? Can i ever escape the
AOL Sucks! 
An unfortunate AOL subscriber

Dear Nick, An Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

Upgrade pack for the PS2? Sure! It's called an Xbox.


Hush Now, Baby.
From: <******>
Subject: Loading Sounds
How loud and how often should different games make that 
loading sound on a PS2. With mine, the games make a loading
sound through the whole game and it is quite loud. Is this 
normal? thanks.

Dear Chris,

Games are like people - some are louder than others. Some talk really loudly and won't shut up, while others are more sedated and barely speak at all. Some don't complain all the time that you "stay out too late" and "smell like another girl's perfume" even though you were hanging out with the guys. Some just get that.

I mean, am I a criminal all of a sudden because I like to chill with my friends? Get off my back, woman. All day, all night, talk talk talk, you wanna just go on and on talking my ear off. Well, give me a break, dammit. Just one little break, alright? I'm a good man! I WORK! I COOK! I TAKE CARE OF YOU! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? HUH!? WHAT MORE DOOOO YOU WANT?

Uh, ahem. So yeah, some games are louder than others.


PR0N Revolution
From: chris haik 
Subject: u guys need to drive the demon OUT
how come you guys dont do anything about that crappy porno site 
that pops up if you spell revolution wrong.its bad enough that it 
catches me off guard when i dont expect it to pop up, but its 
not even very good porno. its a big risk 4 me to try to get on 
ur site cuz my bookmarks dont work.

Dear Chris,

Hey man, they bought the URL. We've tried to buy it from them, but they're not selling. What do you want us to do? Go beat 'em up? We might have enormous brains, but our arms are a little on the small side.

Instead, we recommend fixing your bookmarks. It's really not that hard.


The GR Afterlife
From: Aaron Illingworth 
Subject: Mailbag Entry
Hello Game-Revolution,
As I have been a fan of your website for at least 3
years now, this is actually my first question towards
the mailbag. This is rather a question no one has
really asked before, so I considered asking all of
What do you plan on doing in the future? I know you
don't plan on working in the GR Office your entire
lives (maybe Duke though, he's a zombie! Ahh!)
Yeah, anyway, what are your plans? Maybe join up in
the gaming industry or hopefully make enough money to
retire at a young age? This is just a question out of
curiosity, mine is running wild!
Good luck guys,

Dear Aaron,

Boy, we haven't really thought that far ahead. Working for an online video game review website certainly gives you some useful job skills, but those are tempered by lots of completely useless skills. For example, the ability to beat Resident Evil 2 in less than three hours doesn't come in too handy when you're serving lattes...unless your clientele are zombies. Which, when you think of it, they probably are before having a cup of coffee.

Likewise, a vocabulary rife with phrases like "I ownz j00" and "CS r0x0rs your b0x0rs!" isn't particularly sought after in, say, the world of investment banking. Sell! Sell! That stock is l337!

So we do in fact plan on working here our entire lives. Why leave? Free games, free soft drinks, free beer, free computers, free money (er, don't tell the boss about that last one)...


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