REVIEWSFunk of Titans Review
It’s always particularly tough to find the funk of a game when it already doesn’t have much rhythm.
Citizens of Earth Review
Do you like turn-based RPGs? Do you enjoy laughter? Does your hair contain enough product to qualify you to be VP of an entire planet? If so, then you'll enjoy playing Citizens of Earth.
I've had a long-standing rule to avoid getting involved in any sort of crowdfunded activities. I didn't donate to Shadowrun or Wasteland, but I did buy and enjoy both of them (I'm plugging both of those games right now, just so you know they're good). I haven't...
From: "Tim Gormley"
To: Subject: X-box SUV?
Alright, so I know you need money to keep this site running.
I like this site, even though I'm not a big gamer. You people
write smart reviews about games (a rarity) and even manage to
have a sense of humour about yourself.
But I have to say I'm disturbed that you're offering a
give-away for an "X-Box equipped SUV." In general, I think
SUV's are one of the most harmful and irresponsible consumer
products on the market (next to tobacco). They are extremely
harmful to the environment, and contribute huge amounts of
greenhouse emissions into the atmosphere.
I'm no scientist, nor would I even consider myself an
environmentalist. But I think it is irresponsible for
you to promote Cadillac's latest line of SUV vehicles
through your contest. Climate Change IS something that will
affect our lives within this century something doesn't change.
A recent report by the U.S. government's "Climate Action Report
2002" predicts that over this century, US temperatures will rise
by 1.6-5.0 degrees Celsius, or 3-9 degrees fahrenheit. The report
predicts that this change would have the effect of heating
up the climate of central U.S. states (like Indiana), making
their climates similar to that of Southern States, like
Climate Change IS a reality, and will start to affect YOU
within YOUR lifetime. This is what the U.S. government has
effectively stated with this report. You have an opportunity
to make a small change. You can simply talk to Microsoft,
or to whoever's in charge of this contest, and tell them that
your site does not want to be used as a vehicle to promote and
advertise SUV's (probably the most gas-guzzling type of
automobile on the market today). If people don't start to
make changes like this, we're ALL going to start feeling
the effects of it, possibly even sooner than you or I can
The choice is yours.
Subject: Question on How consoles render scenes compared to pc's?
I've heard somewhere that consoles render their scenes at
640x800…how can they do that and make the it look decent,
if I ran my games at 640x800 resolution on my computer they'd
would look blocky as hell. How do computer and tv monitors differ.
Also is it possible for me to connect my computer to a to a 27
inch tv screen and play my games beautifully with all the effects,
on just 640x800 resolution?
Believe it or not, but the
graphics on your TV actually look better because they are kind of blurry.
Those blocky edges you see on your monitor get "fuzzed out"
on the television. Combine that with a nice high frame rate, and the
result looks better than you would expect.
Televisions don't show images
the way a computer monitor does. There are no pixels. The NTSC format
(The format used in America. Other countries use the PAL or SECAM formats.)
actually consists of 525 horizontal lines stacked on top of each other.
The horizontal level of detail depends on both the TV and the playback
30 times a second, each "field"
consisting of half the lines on the screen are refreshed, alternating
between the odd numbered lines and the even numbered ones. This gives
an effective frame rate of 60fps (interlaced). the result looks nice
and smooth, even if it lacks detail.
The system is primitive compared
to your computer monitor (after all, it was invented in 1953), but who
really wants to see Jennifer Aniston's nose hairs?
Spare Some Zenny?
From: "Beach Dude Disco Boy"
I noticed that Baldric (the FF7 reviewer) isn't around anymore.
Something (gulp) happen there?
Dear Beach Boy,
Ace GR writer Baldric has
been on a bit of a hiatus for the past several years, as he's still
recovering from the deluge of hate mail he got for his review of Final
Fantasy VII. We last
saw him wandering along Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley holding a sign that
said "Will Work For Materia." He was wearing a big floppy
hat. Very sad.
Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Board
I was reading about a game called Fatal Frame and on
the bottom it said based on a true story. Is this true?
If it is, can you send me the whole story? I really need it.
Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,
Frame is based on a true story in the same sense that Godzilla
is based on a true story. In other words, the events in the game didn't
actually happen for certain in real life. Rather Fatal Frame
is based on a few Japanese Folk Tales.
Here's a direct quote from an older Tecmo press release:
Makoto Shibata, Chief Producer
of Fatal Frame, described the inspiration for the gameí¯Â¿Â½s haunted house,
"In an area outside Tokyo, there lies a mansion in which ití¯Â¿Â½s said seven
people were murdered in a grisly manner. On the same property, there
lie three detached residences that surround the mansion, all of which
are rumored to have ties to the mansioní¯Â¿Â½s troubled past. Ití¯Â¿Â½s said there
is an underground network of tunnels that lay beneath the premises,
but nobody knows who made these tunnels or what purpose they served.
Many inexplicable phenomenon have been reported occurring on the property.
Bloody handprints have been found splattered all over the walls. Spirits
have been spotted on the premisesí¯Â¿Â½ even in broad daylight. A narrow
stairway leads to an attic where a spirit-sealed talisman is rumored
to be locked away. Men have sought this talisman, only to be found later
with their bodies broken and rope marks around their wrists. Thereí¯Â¿Â½s
a crumbling old statue of a woman in a kimono, but its head is missing.
If you take a photo of a certain window, a young girl can be seen in
the developed picture. These incidents have provoked fear in the people
of Tokyo, and many believe that those who live near this area will become
cursed. The deaths of those seven people are unexplained to this day."
In other news, a couple parked
by a lake heard reports of a crazed murderer on the loose with a hook
for a hand. They figured it was a joke and continued making out. Then
they heard some scratching on the door. When they got out to look, they
saw a HOOK HANGING ON THE DOOR HANDLE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
You Like Free?
Subject: the spiders
HELLO i just wanna say what a f*cking site this has becom!!!
all the time there walking spiders over the screen and than
you have to wait until there gone!!!
then you think it is over but no there are some more
spiders anoying me!!!
why have you done this it was a good site dont you think???
now its f*cked up!!!!!
Are you related to Deepthroat?
aren't so bad. They eat all kinds of pesky insects and help maintain
a healthy ecosystem. Plus,
they help keep GR free. So unless you want to start paying a
monthly fee to use Game Revolution, learn to love your arachnid pals
and stick a sock in it.
Plus, if you click on the
spiders, they squish and then you don't have to wait.
That Would Be Greeeeaaat..
From: josh breese
Subject: My staple remover style is far superior to your . . .
Dear Game Revolution(aries) & my fellow bored office dwellers,
I have descovered the secret to effective staple removing
using the sharp fanged staple remover! I think most people
might want to dig those shiny fangs of staple death into the
back of the staple (i.e. where the sides of the staple fold
onto the back of the paper), but NO! That is not were the
staple remover is most effective! Attack from the front,
flat side (usually found on the front side of the paper that
is stapled). Dig those staple removing teeth under the staple
and swiftly bite down (there might be a satisfying crunch) and
pull the staple out. It's just that simple! Try it both ways
and see what I mean!
-Josh (who is so bored at his office job that he came up with
these instructions to share with all that share his plight).
Subject: PS2 Update
I have heard rumors about a PS2 "Upgrade pack"
that will make it better than the X-Box is this true?
if true when will it be out? Can i ever escape the
An unfortunate AOL subscriber
Dear Nick, An Unfortunate
Upgrade pack for the PS2?
Sure! It's called an
Hush Now, Baby.
Subject: Loading Sounds
How loud and how often should different games make that
loading sound on a PS2. With mine, the games make a loading
sound through the whole game and it is quite loud. Is this
Games are like people - some
are louder than others. Some talk really loudly and won't shut up, while
others are more sedated and barely speak at all. Some don't complain
all the time that you "stay out too late" and "smell
like another girl's perfume" even though you were hanging out with
the guys. Some just get that.
I mean, am I a criminal all
of a sudden because I like to chill with my friends? Get off my back,
woman. All day, all night, talk talk talk, you wanna just go on and
on talking my ear off. Well, give me a break, dammit. Just one little
break, alright? I'm a good man! I WORK! I COOK! I TAKE CARE OF YOU!
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? HUH!? WHAT MORE DOOOO YOU WANT?
Uh, ahem. So yeah, some games
are louder than others.
From: chris haik
Subject: u guys need to drive the demon OUT
how come you guys dont do anything about that crappy porno site
that pops up if you spell revolution wrong.its bad enough that it
catches me off guard when i dont expect it to pop up, but its
not even very good porno. its a big risk 4 me to try to get on
ur site cuz my bookmarks dont work.
Hey man, they bought the
URL. We've tried to buy it from them, but they're not selling. What
do you want us to do? Go beat 'em up? We might have enormous brains,
but our arms are a little on the small side.
Instead, we recommend fixing
your bookmarks. It's really not that hard.
The GR Afterlife
From: Aaron Illingworth
Subject: Mailbag Entry
As I have been a fan of your website for at least 3
years now, this is actually my first question towards
the mailbag. This is rather a question no one has
really asked before, so I considered asking all of
What do you plan on doing in the future? I know you
don't plan on working in the GR Office your entire
lives (maybe Duke though, he's a zombie! Ahh!)
Yeah, anyway, what are your plans? Maybe join up in
the gaming industry or hopefully make enough money to
retire at a young age? This is just a question out of
curiosity, mine is running wild!
Good luck guys,
Boy, we haven't really thought
that far ahead. Working for an online video game review website certainly
gives you some useful job skills, but those are tempered by lots of
completely useless skills. For example, the ability to beat Resident
Evil 2 in less than three hours doesn't come in too handy when you're
serving lattes...unless your clientele are zombies. Which, when you
think of it, they probably are before having a cup of coffee.
Likewise, a vocabulary rife
with phrases like "I ownz j00" and "CS r0x0rs your b0x0rs!"
isn't particularly sought after in, say, the world of investment banking.
Sell! Sell! That stock is l337!
So we do in fact plan on
working here our entire lives. Why leave? Free games, free soft drinks,
free beer, free computers, free money (er, don't tell the boss about
that last one)...