GR Mailbag: We read your trauma

From: "Sam Sahakian" (*******@hotmail.com)
Subject: PS2
What would I do for a PS2? Well, I'd do anything you 
wonderful people wanted. Yes, anything within my power. 
Want an essay about how great and wonderful you GR guys 
really are? Done. Want a personal slave? Done. I have no 
limits. Want some tasty muffins? Cause baby I've got 
muffin skills. I could send you so many tasty muffins 
it'd blow your game-reviewing minds. Just give me a 
shipping address and you'll get muffins, lots and lots 
of muffins. So, muffins, praise, my humiliation, muffins, 
anything else, you name it, 
you got it.
Sincerely,
Sammo

We don't want any muffins. Colin is allergic. But an essay on how great and wonderful we are sounds good.

Describe, in 300 words or less, exactly why Game Revolution rules. Wow us with your command of the language. Excite us with your grammatical prowess, your attention to detail, and your distinct, unique style.

The best essay will be published in next week's mailbag and the author will recieve a very special GR gift (No, not a PS2. We're not THAT cool!)...

-GR

From: "pablo envia lo siguiente" (*****@hotmail.com)
Subject: psx2 threat
So, I got it. If you give me a PSX2, I will NOT expose 
your current, true, actual driving license pictures of 
you on the internet. Behind will be the funny looking 
cartoons that you use as "identifications", and people 
will know your real faces. 
Rejoice readers: I even got the face of that ever 
elusive "Mr. Editor" (say godd-bye to the chicks, buddy). 
Scared? Well, you know what to do. Mwahahaha!!!!!
PS. Err, yeah, don't ask me how I got the pictures. There 
are things you just can't explain. Right Mr Liu?
Lector Revolucionario Pablo.

We know you're lying because a couple of 8 year-old girls like us don't even HAVE driving licenses yet.

-GR

P.S. Johnny Liu is a poopy head.

From: pablo zapata giraldo (*******@demasiado.com)
Subject: Psx2 "contest"
If you give me a psx2, I will send you... My old PSX!!!! 
(Yep, don't drop your jaws, It's for real).
Games Included:
-Spice Girls
-Area 54
-The Crow 
Revolution reader Pablo.

Look, just put The Crow down and let's talk this out. Things aren't so bad, right? Seriously, put it down SLOWLY. There's no need for anyone to get hurt. Let's work together here. But first you have to put The Crow down. Really. Please. Just put it down, and back away...

-GR

From: "Phillip Fredbuttooce" (*****@hotmail.com)
Subject: complaint
you should have Laura in her actual birthday suit, not 
hiding behind a pillow!

-GR

From: ******@nethere.net
Duke? This is your mother. I left your rash medicine 
under your potty trainer and dont forget 
to wash your briefs tonight before you go to your sex therapist.
Love,
Your Mother
P.S. Have a good day at school

- Duke