GR Mailbag: We're P.O.'ed

From: Cliff Reader
Subject: i heard something in soul calibur 2, i wanna know if you hear it too

I visit the site quite regularly, i love the way it's presented. (black and red are the best colors on earth) ANyway, me and my bro were playing soul calibur 2 for xbox, and we heard something surprising. When Necrid does the Void Cannon, it sounds like he says "penis." We doubted this is what he said, but upon closer inspection, everyone agrees it definately sounds like that is indeed what he says, i wanted to know if you or the reviewer of this title have heard this too. By the way, i am a huge soul calibur fan, and remember dumping, and can remember dumping at least 25 bucks worth of coins into a soul edge machine one summer in alaska. anyway, keep on doing what ya doing, we love it

Cliff

Dear Cliff,

Since the dawn of the genre, no fighting game is complete without totally ridiculous voice work. Take Street Fighter, which gives a shout out to rocker Ted Nugent every time Ryu throws a fireball. Then there's the acclaimed 'Donut Splash' from the first Battle Arena Toshinden.

But none come close to our favorite at GR, the unbeliveable "You f*** well!" from Battle Arena Toshinden Remix. You fought well? You fart well? No way. He's complimenting you on your skill with a sword outside and inside of the bedroom, the ultimate praise for a fighting game fan.

Penis.

- GR

From: "Alex Ohio"
Subject: Reply Pronto

From the desk of:
Dr. Alex Ohio.

Attention: Sir,

We are members of a special committee for budget and planning of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC). This committee is principally concerned with contract awards and approval. With our positions, we have successfully secured for ourselves the sum of Twenty Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$20.5m). This amount was carefully manipulated by over-invoicing of an old contract.

Based on the information gathered from our research, we believe you would be in a position to help us in transferring this fund mentioned into a safe valid account, either corporate or personal. It has been agreed that the owner of the account will be compensated with 20% of the remitted funds, while we keep 70%, and 10% will be set aside to offset expenses and pay the necessary taxes.

All modalities of this transaction have been worked out and once started, will not take more than 14 working days, with your full support. Moreover, this transaction is 100% risk free. So if this proposal satisfies you, please reach us only by Tel: 234 1 7761436 or fax: 234 1 7950548, for more information. Also to confirm you are speaking with me whenever you call, always demand that I confirm the last four digits of my fax number (0548). This is a kind of password.

Please treat as urgent and very confidential.

Yours faithfully,

Dr. Alex Ohio.

Dear Dr. Ohio,

When you say "we," do you mean you and the mouse in your pocket? Or do you mean you and your cohort, Mrs. Theresa Makagbo!

You can't fool us with your slick double-talk, fancy percentages and "kind of passwords." Though to be honest, 20% of 20 million bucks would come in handy. Okay, we'll help you if you answer us these 4 questions:

1.) If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be?

2.) A plum? Why?

3.) What number am I thinking of right now?

4.) But what number am I thinking of NOW?

Please remit your answers urgently and very confidential.

-GR

From: ************@wmconnect.com
Subject: I

I have never been treated as rudely as while on your webpage. Filth and vulgar talk on your chat line. I will never use your website again and will post this on every place I can find on line.

Dear Annoyed GR Fan,

You're right, and to prove it we decided to post it every place we could find online as well. Starting here.

You f*** well,

-GR

From: "CARLOS ORTEGA" <******@msn.com>

I hate my sister she all ways bothers me :(

Dear Carlos,

We hate her, too. Remember that time she glued your head to the microwave? Or the time when she poured orange juice into your fishbowl and killed poor Goldy? How about that time when the little she-devil shaved your eyebrows off when you were asleep and wrote "I am a 1337 hax0r" on your forehead in indelible marker?

She can't get away with this forever, Carlos. Do what you gotta do, brother.

-GR

From: Tom Ross
Subject: Has it really been that long?

Dear GR Overlord, aka Duke-

It's been a few years since I've sent you an e-mail, so I figure I'm
about due.

Once upon a time, in an age known as 1990's, I discovered a shining jewel
in the murky depths of the internet. It was called "Game Revolution",
and it was good. And it still is. Many years now I have shunned my
duties to take a peek at the latest review, or to read the weekly
moth-to-the-flame ritual known as the Mailbag. Good stuff.

My reason for writing today is twofold: First, I'm at work and naturally
very bored. Second, I'd like to let all of you at the GR Compound know
that you're doing a great job as always. There are not many truly free
websites out there that have managed to maintain their integrity the way
you have. The writing is as witty and fresh as it ever was, and when a
game sucks, by golly, there's no mistaking it. My wallet thanks you for
the hundreds of dollars it has saved as a result of my better educated
buying decisions. On the flip side, if Game Revolution gives something
an A- or better, I've learned to run, not walk, to my nearest retailer
and buy a copy.

Well, that's really all I had to say. I could continue gushing and
showering you with embarassing praises, but you probably don't want
that...........at least I think you don't. Keep up the good work and the
next time I'm driving through Berkeley I'll bring you a sixer of Mountain
Dew.

-Fortunate non-AOL Subscriber Tom

Dear Duke's mom,

Thanks for the kind words.

-GR