week we thought we'd do something a little different with the mailbag.
guys get to read all the weird funny stuff, but you never see the majority of
the thousands and thousands of e-mails we have to read through every
It's not fair,
dammit. So, in no particular order, these are by far the most common types of
e-mail we receive each week. Welcome to our hell.
Your Grade Is Wrong!
From: "David *********" Subject:
The typical question...
I asked about when The
Getaway shiped to The States back in December, and now I see that you finally
got the opportunity to buy it. Good for you, cos here in Europe it has been
a gigantic success, and then I thought you guys would love it as well. But
it got a C+!? Why? I mean, if there's anything that beats Vice City,
it's this baby. But I might figure out the problem. If they censured The Getaway,
and has cut out the scenes with chinese guys getting burned alive, plus,
all the GREAT voilence, much of the joy goes off. As well as all the
cursing. For the first time I hear the F word (I'm not sure if I'm allowed
to write the full word)in a BRITISH game, and it comes more often than the
footsteps! But really, don't you think it's been underrestimated? I think
it deserved an A, like Vice City (god bless it).
And one more thing. Now
that Bush and the european pod-head-leaders are about to bomb Iraq, when
do we get the chance to do the same with C&C Generals?
The subject line
of your e-mail is a great way to start off this week's mailbag, because this is
indeed "the typical question." One of the most common e-mails we get
is from people complaining about one video game grade or another. Hundreds
of them. At least your letter was pretty polite about it, as many of them
As for why The
Getaway got a C+, it's all quite clearly explained in the
review. Just like all our grades.
still, your letter does raise an interesting issue - we only review the U.S.
version of games here at GR. And sometimes there actually is a difference.
are indeed two slightly different versions of The Getaway floating around
out there, one of which has been partially censored. Trust us though, both versions
are pretty brutal, and we stand by our review.
simply impossible for us to be completely global. I'm guessing that many of you
would be very disappointed by the German versions of games, since it is illegal
have blood in a video game in Germany.
the cheat codes are also different for the U.S., European and Japanese versions
of games, which can lead to a fair bit of confusion (not to mention a lot of letters
about our "broken" cheat codes).
of the time, however, GR's information can be applied to the world. Really. The
Congrats, David, on a double play, because asking for game release dates is almost
as common as complaining about grades. C&C Generals releases on February
11th... in the US.
Help Me In The Game!
From: Kath Subject: please help
ref game Duke Nukem !!
MY husband who is mad on all playstation games is
stuck with the one of Duke Nukem level 11 -- he always gets drowned near the end
can any one help out please. ? the level is pig factory. Please please help as
he is going mad ha ha . what does he do ????????
You also have gained
entry to the hallowed mailbag by sending in what is probably the most common mail
of all: asking for help in a game. At least you mentioned what game it was (sort
of). Many people don't even do that.
answer, as usual, is that we have no idea. We might know a lot about games, but
we don't know every how to pass every random level in every random game. Did you
look in the cheats section?
Yeah, your "husband." Suuuuuuurrrree..
Famous For Fifteen
From: Tim ******* Subject: Arh, yeah, shizzle dizzle,
it's da Snoop D-O-double gizzle
A'ight!!! Daz it!!!
has had it up tah herre wit' diz shiz! Seriouslah! Mo ass has mail cha dirrty
mo's fow yearzz! Fow reaalh! And mo has nevah gottan a motha-fuwin' answah!!!
Fow reaalh! So me be all like: "Am'a driveby chau shizzle dizzle
assez if me dosn't getta mo-fuwin' answah!"
Anywayz, fuw this shiz! Me be aou'!!
From: Mitzie Lobianco Subject: info Secure Your
Hi , info
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I can't decide
whether to accept your offer or the one that lets me make millions working from
home while losing weight and increasing the size of my willie.
folks, just like you, spam is one of our most common e-mails. Pesky stuff.
As Long As You're Not Busy...
From: "Jeff ******"
Hi, I was looking for a review of the game called Chron
Trigger, but this game was for Super Nintendo, it has came out for Playstation
1 with the Final Fantasy 4 game, but i can not find a review. I was wondering
if you could tell me were this review might be. If you didn't review it yet
I hope to see a review soon!
Review requests easily
make the top five list of most common emails.
would think this might actually be useful, so we know what everyone wants to read
about. And indeed, some of the requests actually make sense, like the requests
we've gotten this week for a review of Devil May Cry 2 (review coming soon).
Except half of these people
request games we've already reviewed, and they just haven't bothered
to look. Today we got requests for reviews of Splinter
and The Sims
for PS2, among many others. Come on people, two of those are even on the cover!
Of course, Jeff's request
is pretty common too: Please review a six-year old game they don't even
sell anymore. No prob, Jeff, we'll get to it right after reviewing Minefield
for the Vectrex.
----- Original Message ----- From: DeltaStryker86
To: firstname.lastname@example.org Sent: Thursday, January 23, 2003 6:26 PM
Subject: Math Coprocessor
Where can I find a Math Coprocessor for my
Packard Bell 386sx-lle ?
to close out this bag with your mail, a fine example of the meaningless tech-support
we did want to help, half these things are written in gibberish anyway: "When
I try to upload my modem to the RAM, the game crashes." Of course it does.
DeltaStryker86, your problem is easy to fix. You desperately need to buy a
new computer. What are you playing on that thing, Pong?