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GR Mailbag: What? No Valentine's Cards Yet?

Posted on Monday, February 3 @ 16:00:00 PST by Duke_Ferris

This week we thought we'd do something a little different with the mailbag.

You guys get to read all the weird funny stuff, but you never see the majority of the thousands and thousands of e-mails we have to read through every week.

It's not fair, dammit. So, in no particular order, these are by far the most common types of e-mail we receive each week. Welcome to our hell.

Your Grade Is Wrong!

From: "David *********"
Subject: The typical question...

Oi revolutioneers!

I asked about when The Getaway shiped to The States back in December, and
now I see that you finally got the opportunity to buy it. Good for you, cos
here in Europe it has been a gigantic success, and then I thought you guys
would love it as well. But it got a C+!?
I mean, if there's anything that beats Vice City, it's this baby.
But I might figure out the problem. If they censured The Getaway, and has
cut out the scenes with chinese guys getting burned alive, plus, all the
GREAT voilence, much of the joy goes off.
As well as all the cursing. For the first time I hear the F word (I'm not
sure if I'm allowed to write the full word)in a BRITISH game, and it comes
more often than the footsteps! But really, don't you think it's been
I think it deserved an A, like Vice City (god bless it).

And one more thing. Now that Bush and the european pod-head-leaders are
about to bomb Iraq, when do we get the chance to do the same with C&C

That's all.

Your mate Griffin...

Hi David,

The subject line of your e-mail is a great way to start off this week's mailbag, because this is indeed "the typical question." One of the most common e-mails we get is from people complaining about one video game grade or another. Hundreds of them. At least your letter was pretty polite about it, as many of them are not.

As for why The Getaway got a C+, it's all quite clearly explained in the review. Just like all our grades.

But still, your letter does raise an interesting issue - we only review the U.S. version of games here at GR. And sometimes there actually is a difference.

There are indeed two slightly different versions of The Getaway floating around out there, one of which has been partially censored. Trust us though, both versions are pretty brutal, and we stand by our review.

It's simply impossible for us to be completely global. I'm guessing that many of you would be very disappointed by the German versions of games, since it is illegal have blood in a video game in Germany.

Sometimes the cheat codes are also different for the U.S., European and Japanese versions of games, which can lead to a fair bit of confusion (not to mention a lot of letters about our "broken" cheat codes).

Most of the time, however, GR's information can be applied to the world. Really. The whole world.


P.S. Congrats, David, on a double play, because asking for game release dates is almost as common as complaining about grades. C&C Generals releases on February 11th... in the US.

Help Me In The Game!

From: Kath
Subject: please help ref game Duke Nukem !!

MY husband who is mad on all playstation games is stuck with the one of Duke Nukem level 11 -- he always gets drowned near the end can any one help out please. ? the level is pig factory. Please please help as he is going mad ha ha . what does he do ????????

Dear Kath,

You also have gained entry to the hallowed mailbag by sending in what is probably the most common mail of all: asking for help in a game. At least you mentioned what game it was (sort of). Many people don't even do that.

The answer, as usual, is that we have no idea. We might know a lot about games, but we don't know every how to pass every random level in every random game. Did you look in the cheats section?


P.S. Yeah, your "husband." Suuuuuuurrrree..

Famous For Fifteen Seconds

From: Tim *******
Subject: Arh, yeah, shizzle dizzle, it's da Snoop D-O-double gizzle

Daz it!!!

Mo ass has had it up tah herre wit' diz shiz! Seriouslah!
Mo ass has mail cha dirrty mo's fow yearzz! Fow reaalh!
And mo has nevah gottan a motha-fuwin' answah!!! Fow reaalh!
So me be all like:
"Am'a driveby chau shizzle dizzle assez if me dosn't getta mo-fuwin' answah!"

Fow reaalh!!!

Anywayz, fuw this shiz! Me be aou'!!


From: Mitzie Lobianco
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As you know, employers continually hire, promote and give raises to new employees that have
ZERO skills or experience, just because they have that piece of paper.
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How does this work? You graduate without attending clas&ses, or taking a leave of absence from
your current job. You receive you degree based on life and work experience!
The degree earned by our students enables them to qualify for career advancement and personal
growth, while breaking down the wall that prevents them from receiving big money.

Dear Mitzie,

I can't decide whether to accept your offer or the one that lets me make millions working from home while losing weight and increasing the size of my willie.

Yes folks, just like you, spam is one of our most common e-mails. Pesky stuff.


As Long As You're Not Busy...

From: "Jeff ******"
Subject: Reviews!

Hi, I was looking for a review of the game called Chron Trigger, but this
game was for Super Nintendo, it has came out for Playstation 1 with the
Final Fantasy 4 game, but i can not find a review.
I was wondering if you could tell me were this review might be. If you
didn't review it yet I hope to see a review soon!


Dear Jeff,

Review requests easily make the top five list of most common emails.

You would think this might actually be useful, so we know what everyone wants to read about. And indeed, some of the requests actually make sense, like the requests we've gotten this week for a review of Devil May Cry 2 (review coming soon).

Except half of these people request games we've already reviewed, and they just haven't bothered to look. Today we got requests for reviews of Splinter Cell, The Getaway, Counterstrike, and The Sims for PS2, among many others. Come on people, two of those are even on the cover!

Of course, Jeff's request is pretty common too: Please review a six-year old game they don't even sell anymore. No prob, Jeff, we'll get to it right after reviewing Minefield for the Vectrex.


RTFM, Baby

----- Original Message -----
From: DeltaStryker86
Sent: Thursday, January 23, 2003 6:26 PM
Subject: Math Coprocessor

Where can I find a Math Coprocessor for my Packard Bell 386sx-lle ?

Dear DeltaStryker86,

We're going to close out this bag with your mail, a fine example of the meaningless tech-support question.

Even if we did want to help, half these things are written in gibberish anyway: "When I try to upload my modem to the RAM, the game crashes." Of course it does.

However, DeltaStryker86, your problem is easy to fix. You desperately need to buy a new computer. What are you playing on that thing, Pong?


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