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GR Mailbag: When Postage Goes Awry!

Posted on Monday, April 8 @ 16:00:00 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Mom, Can I Have Another Quarter...Million?
From: ********
Subject: Local arcades suck!
I dont know if its just me, but there are very 
few arcades where i live. The ones that i do have, 
suck. Theres one good arcade, about 30 min away. Ahhh, 
the great games there. There must be a million Capcom 
fighters there, a few SNK machines, and some strange but 
cool D&D games. All of these other arcades suck! There are
bad, over priced games. Some of the games are those cheap 
games where you win tickets. Now you can finally win that 
bouncy ball you wanted for 8000 tickets! Come on! We need 
more "serious " arcades with lots of fighting games and some 
games actually worth paying that treasured 50 cents for. I 
dont know about you guys, but WE NEED ARCADES 

Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

Sadly, the arcade scene has gone downhill over the past decade, due in large part to the success of the home consoles. Why pay a quarter or more just to have one go at a Street Fighter game when you can just buy the damn thing for 40 bucks and play it endlessly?

So in order to offer something different from what you can get at home, arcade game designers have opted for big, silly contraptions that look (and play) more like rides than actual games. This would be fine if they didn't cost a buck each.

We miss the good old days, when arcades were filled with arcade games. These days, you have to really go out of your way to find cool old games.


Copious Amounts Of Shut Up
From: "Mike at freefallsoft"
Subject: plethora
In the past mailbag you used the word "plethora" 
in one of your responses. This is possibly the most 
annoying (and most overused) word in writing. From now 
on, please use any of the following substitutes:
a whole lot
a truckload
this much |------------------|
more than will fit up your ass
thank you.

Dear Mike,

So "plethora" is overused, but "several" is not? You must be from Planet Plethora, because here on Earth, people use the word several a whole lot more than plethora. One might say that several is used a truckload of times, perhaps even
this much. Is that more than will fit up your ass?


Now That's What I Call Advanced AI
From: Greg Llwyn 
Subject: Serious Issue for Serious Times
GR Guys
It's time we approach this matter in public, over the 
weeks i've beaten GTA3 maybe 3 or 4 times. And everytime 
the same thing keeps coming into my head on Staunton Island. 
And i think you know what i'm talking about. And so does 
nearly every other guy that has played that island knows too, 
the facts have narrowed it down to a 99% cchance of being true. 
And now i need your expert advice...
Are Asuka and Maria Lesbians?
You knew that was gonna come sooner or later, it's time you 
tell the gaming public. GR, your our last hope in this world 
of lies.

Dear Greg,

You sad, lonely man. We're not privvy to the intricate details of video game character's inter-personal relationships. We did not write the code that dictates Asuka and Maria's sexual tendencies. We did not program the Lesbian Engine!

But for what it's worth, yes, they are.


Friends Don't Let Friends Use AOL
From: "Scott Pensyl" 
Subject: Our very grounded friend.
I have a suggestion for our poor, unfortunate grounded friend... 
He can get online, and start checking out internet communities to 
fritter away every last hour of his time. It's what I've done for 
five years and it's helped fight the boredom of having been grounded 
before! But now.. I'm just a sad, lonely freak with no friends, 
and a gaming rig that I don't use for games.
What I'm trying to say is... This person should learn to talk to 
people so he can become lonely and bitter just like I have.. 
eventually growing to live as a hermit with a T3, sending Bill 
Gates porn spam of epic proportions.
P.S. Anyone who lets AOL get jammed down their throats, or 
worse, PAYS for it, NEEDS to be grounded. =)

Dear Mal,

Thanks for trying to help. You're a real stand-up guy. Now please stop sending Bill Gates porn spam and start sending him stuff he doesn't like, like cheap beer. Oh wait...


Rent Responsibly
From: "kyler brose" 
Hi i just wanted to get somthing off my chest. Being a 
hardcore video game player ive rented a lot of games 
(and i mean a LOT)and every single time i rent a game 
thats a cd i have to to wipe the serface of cd because 
it's covered with dust,finger prints and smudges. So I 
just wan't to send a message to other gamers out there 
hardcore or not when you rent a game please WIPE THE 
CD OFF and for heavens sake take care of the game. All 
to often ive had to exchange a game because the first 
one I rented was scratched or had dried sticky stuff 
on it that wouldn't come off and therefore didn't work.
p.s. did you know that the first console system was the 
the odyssey 100 by magnavox, it was released in 1972 
2 years before the first atri. Oh yah viva 

Dear Sabin,

We published your mail as a public service announcement to gamers who rent. Please, folks, take care of the games. You might think that you're screwing over Blockbuster by trashing their games, but really all you're doing is screwing over your fellow budget gamers. So be kind. :^)


Tags:   gr mailbag

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