Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
Subject: Wheres the beef
Hey wheres all the nintendo stuff? Where are the reviews of
games and speculation on Dolphin. Where oh where. Now I am not
saying that you should dive into the whole Pokemon stuff. Just
some simple reviews on upcoming games and maybe a small amount
of praise for a great system. Its that too much to ask? Maybe
you shouldnt answer that. Now dont worry once you change your
foolish ways and turn back to nintendo, like a poor runaway child
to his loving home, I will be there to accept the your praise
and humble gratitude for single handedly, actually I am typing with
two hands, turning the great site "Game-Revolution" back to the
greatest video company in the world. You can feel free to
shower me with gifts.
Peter from Canada
We keep trying to review
new Nintendo games, but they keep making us go blind. Witness Fighter
And trying to find accurate
information on the Dolphin/Starcube (whatever) is like trying to beat
up your little brother's imaginary friend.
P.S. We did receive these
picture from a very devoted reader. Click here
and here to witness
what the Dolphin/Starcube might look like.
Don't say we ever did anything
for you...wait a minute...I mean...do'h!
The Birds & The Bees & The Dinosaurs?
From: "Nina -" (*******@hotmail.com)
i want to be the mother of all the staff's children...
PS: In Dinosaur none of the dinosaurs have holes
the dinosaurs do have holes. You just have to look harder.
P.S. Having children is against
company policy. So is even discussing children. I can be killed for
what I just said.
Why Make 1 Billion When You Can Make 2 Million?
From: "Bryho" (*****@aol.com)
Subject: Sup GR guys
I just got a "God Box". It is a Intel Pentium III 1000mhz,
64 mb nvidia video card, SBLive sound card, Altec Lansing
THX 5-speaker surround sound, 256mb RAM box of goodness.
I bought a few games to celebrate and to test out my new
pc (Half-Life, Motocross Madness 2, and the Sims) I liked
them all, except I got bored quickly with the Sims. My
question is, What are some really kick-ass games with
good graphics, good sound, and an overall AWESOME game
to test out how wonderful my new pc really is. The
sound isnt as important,, but I just want a really coo
game with good graphics and fun gameplay.
THANKS! U GUYS RULE!!!
Being the helpful and caring
editor that I am, I
think it's only fair to inform you that you've been swindled, my friend.
Any 6th grader could tell you that 1 is the lowest whole number in town.
Who wants a 1GHz processor?
To show you just how much
I care, here's what I'm gonna do for you. You send in your supposed
"God Box," and for no charge whatsoever, GR will send you
a nice used (so you know it works) beautiful 333Mhz Celeron. And we'll
even throw in a 16 bit sound card, free of charge, my man!
A whopping 333 megahertz
is much better than 1 measly gigahertz. 300 is way bigger than
P.S. No thanks necessary.
Just one happy gamer face (and a 1 Ghz PIII) is enough for us.
Is There A Doctor In The House?
From: "????" (*****@aol.com
Subject: Nickle bag of funk?
After several hours of meditation I concluded that I have no
idea who ,and/or what "Uncle Jesse's premium" blend is. However
I can't help but feel that it is mighty refreshing, and full
mysterious powers beyond human comprehension. perhaps I may
sample this enticing elixir, and become more powerful then all
the staff at GR! I will then make the staff play games such
as: Aquanauts Holiday(oooooo that caused irreparable damage
to me), and the mother of all bad games! Clock Tower! and to
top it off you will be forced to listen to the ending song
from FF8( you know...the song that doesn't quite fit in the
game) 24 hours on weekdays, and 70's show tunes on weekends!
P.S.- A "FigNewton" is neither fruit or cake.
A Fig Newton is neither fruit
nor cake? Harrumph! You obviously have no idea what you are talking
about. Everyone knows that a Fig Newton is caked fruit.
You eat them when you have
too much moisture in your mouth.
P.S. We love that song from
FF8! Especially the part that goes, "dum, dum dum dum, dum
dum dum, dum dum dum da da, dum dum, da, dum dum dum dum da...dum dum,
da, dum" And then it goes, "daaaa, dum dum dum, dum, dum,
da da da, dum dum, dee, dum dum."
From: Joe (******@hotmail.com)
Subject: Slipknot...the game!
I was just thinking..if KISS can make a video game,
then how come a band like Slipknot can't make one?
That game would be uber cool. The object of the game
is to scare the living be-jesus out of people who
don't like them, like my mom, or something. That'd
be fun, wouldn't it?
KISS can't make a game.
Just trust in the idea that
bands don't need to have games themed after them. Except Journey.
That game rules.