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GR Mailbag: Where The Elite Beg For Mercy!

Posted on Monday, August 7 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
New & Unfamiliar!!
From: Peter (******@email.com)

Subject: Wheres the beef Hey wheres all the nintendo stuff? Where are the reviews of games and speculation on Dolphin. Where oh where. Now I am not saying that you should dive into the whole Pokemon stuff. Just some simple reviews on upcoming games and maybe a small amount of praise for a great system. Its that too much to ask? Maybe you shouldnt answer that. Now dont worry once you change your foolish ways and turn back to nintendo, like a poor runaway child to his loving home, I will be there to accept the your praise and humble gratitude for single handedly, actually I am typing with two hands, turning the great site "Game-Revolution" back to the greatest video company in the world. You can feel free to shower me with gifts. Peter from Canada
Hey Peter,

We keep trying to review new Nintendo games, but they keep making us go blind. Witness Fighter Destiny 2.

And trying to find accurate information on the Dolphin/Starcube (whatever) is like trying to beat up your little brother's imaginary friend.

-GR

P.S. We did receive these picture from a very devoted reader. Click here and here to witness what the Dolphin/Starcube might look like.

Don't say we ever did anything for you...wait a minute...I mean...do'h!

The Birds & The Bees & The Dinosaurs?
From: "Nina -" (*******@hotmail.com)

Subject: babies i want to be the mother of all the staff's children... bye PS: In Dinosaur none of the dinosaurs have holes
Hi Nina,

Yes, the dinosaurs do have holes. You just have to look harder.

-GR

P.S. Having children is against company policy. So is even discussing children. I can be killed for what I just said.

Why Make 1 Billion When You Can Make 2 Million?
From: "Bryho" (*****@aol.com)
Subject: Sup GR guys
I just got a "God Box". It is a Intel Pentium III 1000mhz, 
64 mb nvidia video card, SBLive sound card, Altec Lansing 
THX 5-speaker surround sound, 256mb RAM box of goodness. 
I bought a few games to celebrate and to test out my new 
pc (Half-Life, Motocross Madness 2, and the Sims) I liked 
them all, except I got bored quickly with the Sims. My 
question is, What are some really kick-ass games with 
good graphics, good sound, and an overall AWESOME game 
to test out how wonderful my new pc really is. The 
sound isnt as important,, but I just want a really coo 
game with good graphics and fun gameplay.
THANKS! U GUYS RULE!!!
Bryho
Hello Bryho,

Being the helpful and caring editor that I am, I think it's only fair to inform you that you've been swindled, my friend. Any 6th grader could tell you that 1 is the lowest whole number in town. Who wants a 1GHz processor?

To show you just how much I care, here's what I'm gonna do for you. You send in your supposed "God Box," and for no charge whatsoever, GR will send you a nice used (so you know it works) beautiful 333Mhz Celeron. And we'll even throw in a 16 bit sound card, free of charge, my man!

A whopping 333 megahertz is much better than 1 measly gigahertz. 300 is way bigger than 1, right?

-GR

P.S. No thanks necessary. Just one happy gamer face (and a 1 Ghz PIII) is enough for us.

Is There A Doctor In The House?
From: "????" (*****@aol.com
Subject: Nickle bag of funk?
After several hours of meditation I concluded that I have no 
idea who ,and/or what "Uncle Jesse's premium" blend is. However 
I can't help but feel that it is mighty refreshing, and full 
mysterious powers beyond human comprehension. perhaps I may 
sample this enticing elixir, and become more powerful then all 
the staff at GR! I will then make the staff play games such 
as: Aquanauts Holiday(oooooo that caused irreparable damage 
to me), and the mother of all bad games! Clock Tower! and to 
top it off you will be forced to listen to the ending song 
from FF8( you know...the song that doesn't quite fit in the 
game) 24 hours on weekdays, and 70's show tunes on weekends!
P.S.- A "FigNewton" is neither fruit or cake. 
Hi ????,

A Fig Newton is neither fruit nor cake? Harrumph! You obviously have no idea what you are talking about. Everyone knows that a Fig Newton is caked fruit.

You eat them when you have too much moisture in your mouth.

-GR

P.S. We love that song from FF8! Especially the part that goes, "dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum da da, dum dum, da, dum dum dum dum da...dum dum, da, dum" And then it goes, "daaaa, dum dum dum, dum, dum, da da da, dum dum, dee, dum dum."

KISS This.
From: Joe (******@hotmail.com)
Subject: Slipknot...the game!
GR-
I was just thinking..if KISS can make a video game, 
then how come a band like Slipknot can't make one? 
That game would be uber cool. The object of the game 
is to scare the living be-jesus out of people who 
don't like them, like my mom, or something. That'd 
be fun, wouldn't it?
Joe
Hello Joe,

KISS can't make a game.

Just trust in the idea that bands don't need to have games themed after them. Except Journey. That game rules.

-GR

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