DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: Winning the console war one week at a time

Posted on Monday, April 10 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris

All Hail Microsoft!

From: Trustnoone (********@aol.com)
Subject: x-box
I just want to ask u something:Do u think the x-box will take 
will take over the video game world?or...or...will 
it take over THE world???  AHHHHH, microsoft is taking 
over the world!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Microsoft is a wonderful company and would never do a thing to harm the consumers. They have no intention of taking over the world. Microsoft only wishes to better humanity through exceptional technology and charitible contributions to worthy causes. Always trust content provided by Microsoft . Microsoft is your friend.

Best Regards,
GR

*This message brought to you by Microsoft, the proud new owners of Game Revolution. Effective immediately, Game Revolution will change its name to "Microsoft." All employees of Game Revolution (Microsoft) will remain employed so long as they agree to proclaim Microsoft undisputed lord and sovereign ruler of the known universe. Any attempt to leave the company will result in immediate "termination."

Still Bigger Than Macintosh

From: *********@umagroup.com
Subject: x-box
I think the "x-box" will be really 
stupid. Anything made by Mircosoft so far stinks!

You are absolutely correct. Mircosoft is a terrible company. Their problems began with Windhoes '95, which was a blatant ripoff of Windows '95. Then there was that whole Intranet Deskplorer vs. Netscape catastrophe. And I hear that the founder of Mircosoft, Phil Bates, is in the poor house.

Maybe they should think about changing their name...

All hail Microsoft!

-GR

Keep Low And Stay In The Trees

From: "MATTEOMICHI" (*********@email.msn.com)
Subject: on the sega-for-free article
i think SEGA is doing a completely pathetic move.
signing up for SEGANET, means paying $264/ year, 
for two years. That's $528!!! With that money, you can 
buy 2 DC's, or one DC and a PSX-2!!! What do you think? 
Are you guys allowed to put this observation, or are the
SEGA lawyers going to hunt you down?
I think that if you have the money to spend $264 in a 
year, you might as well wait a few months, and save 
$64 by buying it yourself. This shows how SEGA is so 
poor in Business, and how superior a HUGE company 
like SONY is in comparison to SEGA and Nintendo. 
People @ SONY are probably laughing their butts 
off, but what is sadder, it's the fact that the 
masses would follow the lure of the "free DC". 
Like the Donkey and the Carrot on the end of the
stick.
Once again,
What do you think???
Keep up the good work, your site kicks @$$!!!
-Matt

Hi Matt,

We are perfectly entitled to express our opinions about this subject without having the Sega lawyers "Hunt us down." Sheesh. How silly!

Don't forget, you do get internet service for your money. So you can cancel your MSN, AOL or Earthlink account, and just pay the same to Sega instead. You already spend (about) $264 a year for internet access, do you really care who gets it?

However, we think that Sega is taking a big risk. They seem a bit desparate, considering that the PS2 isn't set to launch for a few months. I mean really, what the heck were they thinking? They must have.......huh?...whazzat?...sssssshhhh...

....Duke.....I think we're being followed....just stay calm.....I know where we are.....just keep going north and we'll...AAHHHHHHH!!!!! Run! Run for your lives!!!!! AAHHHHHH!!!!! Zig Zag! Zig Zag! AHHHHHHHHHH!!! My leg! There's an arrow in my leg!!! Oh for the Love of God!!!!! RRRRUUUUNNNNN!!!!!

-.....GR?

We Fix Foreign And Domestic

From: *******@cs.com
Subject: free dreamcasts/ps2
i am writing in with regard to sega's bold move with their 
$200 rebate idea. i think this could go one of two ways. 
sega could either dominate the console online multiplayer 
market, or their bold move could dig a grave larger than 
any of their other failed ideas. but in any case, this 
move was  instigated because they know and fear what the 
playstation2 will do to their  company if they don't take 
control during the period of time preceding the ps2's 
launch. they have one chance to beat ps2, and that time 
is now. because once the ps2's second-generation games 
start coming out, with use of the VU-0 and VU-1 assistant 
processors, dreamcast will get the ever-loving sh*t kicked 
out of it. so i emplore you to post this in your mailbag 
and display my message for all to see:
DO NOT SUCCUMB TO SEGA'S CHEAP, SPINELESS, LAST-DITCH 
MARKETING TACTICS. WAIT FOR PS2!!! YOU'LL THANK ME LATER.

You make some interesting points. The VU-0 and VU-1 processors really aid in the bi-valve adjusting and trilinear replacement filtering. But if Sega can tweak their hinkanaters and smooth out their tubing plugs, they should overcome Sony's 4x4 volumetric pumps and Z-buffered thingamabobs.

-GR

Dear Abby, Move Over

From: "SSTrooper" (*****@email.msn.com)
Subject: why can't I get girls?
OK, there is this girl at my school that i really like, 
so naturally I go talk to her. We start to become friends 
and talk to each other more casually. So I start to tell 
her about Final Fantasy 8, I told her about the charactors 
and the strory and Edea. She seemed interested so I told her
about Tomb Raider and Driver and Resident Evil 3: Nemisis. 
The next thing I know she's always making excuses on the 
phone saying she has to go and she starts pretending not 
to see me in the halls. What am I supposed to do? Give up 
videogames? Is that even an option? I need your help GR, 
Tell me what to do.
sinserely
Cheyne Hadley 17, California

Hi Cheyne,

Apparently you never read the "The Gamer's Survival Guide To Dating." You broke the first and most important rule in the book:

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, TELL GIRLS YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES.

Shame on you.

For your edification, we have included several other important rules to abide by:

* Never call a prospective girlfriend, "Chun Li" or "Lara."

* Never wear any video game related paraphenalia in the presence of a girl. This includes your 'cool' Resident Evil wristbands and your Tomb Raider watch.

* When renting a movie with potential grlfriend, do not spend more than 5 seconds gawking at the new video games. And never pick up a game box to look at the screenshots.

* If a girl is actually IN your house, HIDE your Playstation.

Hope these help. Stay strong, my brothers.

-GR

Tags: gr mailbag