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FEATURED VOXPOP ryanbates
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Posted on 09/25/14
I had planned to write something about the Borderlands series, but that will have to wait. I have something I need to get off my chest first. It's very personal, and I hope the two or three of you who follow my sparse blog will spare me this moment. I joked in my review for the bizarre...

DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: Wiping Up Your Digital Diarrhea

Posted on Monday, October 10 @ 19:00:00 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Wanna Cyber?
From: Christina Guglielmelli [*****@ev1.net]
Subject: clean up your chat

 

Hi my name is Christina and I went to your live chat room and its not a game chat its a sex and penis chat I don't appreciate the fact that I was trying to look things up to go to and thought that your chat room would help but it pissed me off. If you want to have a sex chat then relable it. other wise I will never come back to this sites chat room and will not buy things and I will spread the sites real deal. So please clean it up and get people that know what they are talking about like a game that's all I wanted to download some screen savers of Alice in wonderland and some music from it to but if this site is not a game site then you tell me how I will get this information.

THANK YOU, Christina Guglielmelli
ps- Address is

Christina Guglielmelli
XXXX XXXXX
XXXXX,PA XXXX

Dear Christina,

 

While we can't possibly hazard a guess at which chatroom you unwittingly entered, if penis and sex were the topics of discussion, we can assure you with all confidence that it was not ours. Only the most profound and intellectual video game related topics are discussed in our hallowed chambers, and if the term 'penis' does happen to be mentioned, surely it is only utilized to the extent that it proves a point in some witty, analogous fashion, if you will.

Why, just the other day I happened into the chat and took a picture of the goings-on as evidence of the intellectually energized discourse native to room #game-revolution.com.

The proof, Madam, is in the pudding.

-GR

Child Abuse
From: matthew gartner [*****@bigpond.net.au]
Subject: Atari Jaguar

 

Guys,

I have an Artari Jaguar console. I have some games so I was wondering if you or somewhere else has got cheats for the games I have for my kids to play. It's old, but my kids still like to play it.

Thanks

Matthew Gartner

Dear matthew,

 

Clearly, your progression through CCS (Crappy Console Syndrome) has been somewhat...retarded. Probably by your brain. At least you have completed Step 1: Admitting you own a problem.

But you are still in denial, and more importantly, grave danger, because your children are probably trying to kill you. We know this comes as a shock, but you must tap this outrage to move yourself onto Step 2: Killing it with a hammer.

Make sure your kids see you do this; you want them to know what becomes of things that displease you. This will either make them abandon their murderous ploy, or accelerate it greatly, so watch your back for a couple days.

We know you must be distressed, but with some luck and a hammer, we're sure everything will be just fine. Worked for Mario, at least.

-GR

Indecent Proposal
From: NAME REMOVED* [*****@gmail.com]
Subject: A question for you

 

Dear game-revolution employee:

I am not sure who to contact about this so I will just ask it. I am a working student at the University of Kentucky. I have always been a fan of video games, and would like to add popularity to the section of video games that involves media. I believe the gaming industry will be as big as say the Major leagues, such as: MLB, NFL, NHL (TBD), NBA, MLS, and others. Although I believe it must start somewhere, and that is why I think your website (and others like it.) could become so big that they are advertised on TV.

We all need to start small, I found out about you through a friend who was looking through review websites for a good review, and came across game-revolution .I pondered over this and noticed there isn't much advertising for websites such as yours out there, not even on G4. I know you would love a bit of cheap advertising, and that is what got me thinking. Is there a way to spend less than $200.00 a year? As well as, when you are doing it, can you reach the huge audience you would like to reach, with people that would be happy to give your website a hit?

The answer is yes, you can, and I would like to help. My idea for you is an MMO advertising rep. . A person that is in MMORPG's for one reason - to attract willing gamers. I would make my name your URL, and spread the word about your website through macros, Guilds, etc. I am looking to help you while helping myself, by having you pay me to advertise for you. If this interests you I would love if you would respond to me, and if it doesnt, then at least a small explination.

Remember, less than $200.00 a year!

Your Friend,
NAME REMOVED*

Dear NAME REMOVED*,

 

We aren't going to give you any of our money because we don't think having "VISIT TEH GAMEREVLUTION" spammed in MMO chat channels will do anything for our reputation other than kill it.

Don't let this discourage you, though. Lots of video game companies use little venereal marketers like you to surreptitiously hype their products in forums and online games, and they pay a lot more than $200 a year.

With your "I'll do anything for money" attitude and a little luck, we're sure you'll go far...just not with us.

-GR

Smell My Finger

From: Ben Sowden [*****@hotmail.com]
Subject: Boong-Ga! Boong-Ga! - What The Hell?

Dear Game Revolution Team,

I just came across your link in the mailbag to the game "Boong-Ga! Boong-Ga!" (aka Spank'em), and I was just wondering... is this for real? And also, have you guys actually played it?

Also, please tell me if the games "Fighting Dogs 4: Bitches and Rabies" and "W.O.R.K." are actually real. If they are (although one looks a bit more fake than the other), then I am offended - one looks sadistic (and I can't abide animal cruelty), and the other just looks sad.

Keep up the good job - Keep On Gaming!

- Ben S.

Dear Ben,

Heh.

Well, we've never played the "Arcade Version" of Boong-Ga! Boong-Ga!, although everybody with a right hand and an index finger already owns a copy of the freeware demo. Try it on yourself, or better yet, your friends!

As for Fighting Dogs 4 and W.O.R.K., we're afraid they're all too real. But what's the big deal? If you truly can't abide animal cruelty, then how about saving the millions of Nintendogs brought to life by excited 12 year-olds only to be left cold, hungry and smelly when suddenly abandoned in favor of Advance Wars? Damn hypocrite.

-GR

The Condition Our Condition Is In
From: Mark Scheppmann [*****@hotmail.com]
Subject: Question on reviews

 

Hey, I'm just wondering why are you guys always so slow on your video game reviews? I'm noticing that everyone else had done reviews on Castlevania Dawn of Sorrow except ya'll, including gamespot, IGN, gamespy, and even "mobiletech" review. It seems like you guys are always behind on coming out with the reviews after the games have already been released. On a different note I would have to still say Game Revolution is still my favorite video game review site, I just wish you guys were a little more up to speed on the reviews.

And also I'm curious as to why you don't post reviews for gameboy advance games? It's not really that big of a deal, I guess gameboy is kind of small potatoes to you folks, but I'm almost sensing a slight bias towards Sony and Microsoft on your website. Are they helping to sponsor and fund the site? Just wondering.

Thanks and I enjoy your reviews! (for the most part),
Mark

Dear Mark,

 

Hey lookie there, a real question! Two of 'em, even! We're feeling generous, so here are two real answers:

1. It's the holiday season, which means we're mobbed. Gamespot, IGN and Gamespy (better known as IGN) have staffs roughly fifty times the size of wee GR, so they can review every game that comes in right on time. We, sadly, cannot, so instead we stare at the shelves, load up on games, get playing and get writing, and whatever comes out, we publish. Anyway, yeah, we know we're slower than the big boys, burt we hope we're also more entertaining and more trustworthy.

2. Prior to the release of the DS and PSP, we did not review handheld games. Just a decision we made ages ago when we realized that we couldn't manage to cover every system with a small staff. None of us were big handheld gamers and in turn we did not review GBC or GBA games.

That all changed with the DS and PSP, mostly because we had a larger staff to handle the task, a pretty loud demand from our readers to cover the systems, and a renewed interest ourselves since both systems represented new technology and, theoretically, a new age of handheld gaming. We're still kind of waiting for that, though.

As for any bias against Nintendo, we don't see it. Any bias you see on GR in terms of coverage for Gamecube or DS titles is purely a result of fewer games coming out for those systems than the PS2 and Xbox, and that's the fault of publishers not supporting those systems as extensively. Our coverage simply reflects the state of the industry.

The kickbacks from Sony and Microsoft don't hurt, either. :)

-GR

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