GR Mailbag: Word To The Wise?

From: "Vaibhav Roy"
Subject: hercules prophet 4500 statement
Greetings GR,
I aint muslim but iam warning you about the comment you 
made in your front page ' rendering for muhommad.'
Do you know some terrorist groups like lakshar-e-toyeba, 
hizbulla will come straight into your compund and strip your 
D..K off like a fruit. Iam seriously warning you, there are 
IDIOTS AND FUNDAMENTILITS IN THIS WORLD AND YOURE IN BIG 
TROUBLE IF YOURE CONTINUING THIS.
hope ull understand
vaibhav roy ( not a muslim )

You're absolutely right. There's an endless sea of idiots and misguided fundamentalists out there. But before they can get to us, the ultimate end-level bosses, they must first cross the moat of hot molten Circus Peanuts, which is guarded by rabid, flesh-eating, alcoholic Pikachus. Plus we got knives, sharp sticks and Dolemite. Ha!

But thanks for warning us. We didn't realize that "Muhammad" was a bad word. Next time, we'll use more politically correct prophet names like "Jesus Christ," "Abraham," or "Lippy the Wino," a prophet who wanders Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley. He speaketh the truth...for spare change or some food or something.

-GR

From: "Conrad Poon" 
Subject: Hong Kong Pride!!
Well looking at Johnny liu's Jet li picture and names like 
Brian Chui, Clint Chang and Brian Gee's picture of Chow Yun 
Fat......... are u guys actually chinese/Hong Kong people or 
just chinese wannabes?
Connie Poon from Hong Kong

Whoops! The jig is up. We hoped no one would notice, but it seems we've been found out. Since the cat's out of the bag...

- Ben wants to be a Cantonese-style pork bun, but it's against his religion.

- Shawn swears he's a garlic prawn in black-bean sauce.

- Brian frequently impersonates fried rice.

- Duke wishes to be an eggroll, but he looks more like Szechwan spicy pig-stomach.

What can we say? You are what you eat.

-GR

From: "David Nissel" 
Subject: red faction
You're an idiot for giving Red Faction a B! I give you an F for your 
reviewing skills.
Sincerely,
Red Faction President

Imagine our surprise when we got hate mail from the Red Faction President! Let's hear it for unbiased opinions!

-GR

From: "Paul" 
Subject: Help me doc!
Hey GR, i've been a loyal reader for quite some time now, 
about a year or so. I love reading the reviews and the 
mailbag. The only person that i've never heard more than 
a few words from is "Ed." is that the editor, or some guy 
named Ed with signs of a sense of humor? And if its some 
guy named Ed, how come he's not on the GR staff? Thanks 
for reading this, and, by the way, when are you guys going 
to make another rant???
-MacUser Paul

We get quite a few letters requesting more information on the elusive Ed. Who is this Ed, and why does he show up in so many reviews?

Is this Ed? Or is this? Maybe here's the REAL Ed. How about this? Of course, of course? Maybe Ed is eating here right this minute! Hey, if you see Ed, you may have won a million dollars! Though not all Eds are created equal - some of them are taller than others.

Hrm...we'll try to get another rant up soon. Maybe we'll ask the GR Editors...cough cough...

-GR

From: "apollo morales" 
Subject: STRATEGY
What is the difference between Real-Time (RTS)and Turn-Based ?

This is probably just an attempt to get into our esteemed mailbag. But on the off chance that this is a real letter from the real Apollo who lives on the real Mount Olympus, who are we to deny an immortal a little clarification?

A turned-based system is when each side or team takes turns in issuing their commands. It's your move, then my move. Chess is the ultimate turn-based game. Other turn-based games include the Worms series.

A real-time system is when both parties are attacking and defending at the same time. The action is constant. Warcraft is a typical real-time game.

Other examples:
The board game Monopoly is turn-based, but the fight you had with the school bully yesterday was fought in real-time.

Remember?

-GR