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FEATURED VOXPOP oblivion437
Old Before Their Time
By oblivion437
Posted on 04/13/15
Bloodborne's apparently successful launch (see note below) has yielded two interesting points, for me.  One is that it's being hailed as the PS4's savior (see note below) and the other is that it seems to have serious technical problems.  Conversations erupting around...

DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: You Poke Us, We Poke Back

Posted on Monday, November 4 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
The Envelope Please...
From: *******@att.net
Subject: prize dept

I was told to contact the prize department because of an attachment that told me
to contact you saying that i was the 10,000,000 visitor to site. Did I win a
prize? Please let me know if i did or didn't. Thanks

Hi Poor, Lost Soul,

Yes, you DID win a prize - GR's Most Confused Reader Award! It was a close call between you and the guy who thought that Nigerian spam was real.

Be proud! It took a lot of guts to become our most confused reader, not to mention a great deal of confusion. But in honor of you thinking that that a pop-up window meant you had actually won a prize from Game Revolution, we're happy to award you, uh, with a prize, sorta. Wait, now we're confused.

- GR

What's Next? A Pong Review?
From: Gregg Stump
Subject: DOOM!

Ummm, I found it kinda strange that you dont have a Doom (the greatest game of all time) or Doom 2 review??? Whats this?? Please try to get it on here, its made by ID (which you probably already know) and its a FPS (duh).

P.S. Great Site!!!

Dear Greg,

Um, we find it strange that you find it strange that we don't have a review up for a game that came out in 1993, or its sequel, which came out in 1994, since we've never reviewed any games that came out before we did.

And let's be frank - Doom is not the greatest game of all time. The greatest game of all time is Croc 2. He's sooooo cute! You laugh? Well, I guess you're not getting a kickback from Gummi Savers, are you?

- GR

Hideo Kojimullet!
From: *******@aol.com
Subject: attn.

Would some one please tell Mr. Hideo Kojima to keep Solid Snake's trademark mullet? I grew up with the old Metal Gear titles for the Dogged NES platform. On the cover of both games Snake is sporting the famed Battle Mullet. This seldom used hairstyle fits Snake's profile to the letter. It is as much a part of Solid Snake as tactical espionage action is of Metal Gear Solid. When I heard rumors they may be phasing out Snake's "do", I was horrified. How would I recognize our famed hero?! So in closing I throw myself at the mercy of Mr. Kojima when I say, "KEEP SOLID SNAKE'S MULLET, PLEASE!!"

Deus Ex Machina

Dear Unfortunate AOL Subscriber,

Hey man, don't get your panties in a bunch. Snake's mullet ain't going ANYWHERE. Besides, heroes always have mullets. Like Superman, or Thundarr, or even The Greatest American Mullet Of Them All!

- GR

So Much For Being Diplomatic
From: Charlie Hill
Subject: Video Game Publishers

GR,
I was browsing your review section on your web site,
and I began to wonder something. What video game
publishing company do you at GR think is the worst,
EVER. Personally, I think 3DO, although I used to
enjoy their Army Men games, the complete idiot I was.
However, now that I'm only a partial dumbass, I
realize that those games...well, sucked--as do most of
3DO's games. What company do you guys think is the
suckiest? And, which one do you guys think is the
best, I think Electronic Arts kicks some of the
majorest ass in the biz. And yah, I know majorest
isn't a word. Thanks guys, tell me what you think!

--Charlie H.

P.S. Man, it must have sucked to live in Salem,
Massachusetts in 1692, am I right? I mean with all
those witches roamin' around and all.

Dear Charlie,

This is a tough question for us to answer. Since we have to work with all these companies, we don't really want to go on record saying that this one or that one is the worst... but we will anyway, since it's all right with us if Southpeak Interactive never sends us another game, ever.

Boy, have they put out some 'special' games. Remember Bedrock Bowling? The Dukes Of Hazzard? Fighter Destiny 2? No, you probably don't, because they all sucked.

The company put out a few other games, including the memorable N64 smash hits Big Mountain 2000 and Mia Hamm Soccer.

Ouch. Makes 3DO look like Blizzard.

- GR

I Give X-Men An A++!
From: Malcolm Covington
Subject: Let The Readers Write The Reviews (sometimes)

Hey, have you ever thought about letting the readers type some reviews. When I say this I mean each month you would hold a contest and the reader with the best review could get their review posted on the site. Of course the monthly contest would be based on one game, which everybody would have to write a different review for. Think about.

Dear Malcolm,

Yes, we have thought about this...for about 5 seconds while drunk. Then, we realized we would have to read all these reviews each month, which we already do for the reviews that we publish. Plus, the majority of our readers routinely demonstrate the kind of writing skills that could only be the result of severe head trauma. Reading through a million un-spellchecked reviews seems about as fun as chewing off your own arm.

We might be stupid, but we're not that stupid.

- GR

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