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DAILY MANIFESTO

GR Mailbag: You write it, we right it

Posted on Monday, February 28 @ 12:13:14 Eastern by Duke_Ferris
Spanking The Bear
From: **********@aol.com
Subject: Snuggles Commanded, I Obeyed
Dear GR:
About a month ago I signed my E-mail address up for 
your spiffy newsletter. Well, being the weird freak 
that I am, (so my mom dropped me on my head, big deal) 
I clicked the hyper link labeled "Transsexual 
Bestiality." 
I came across a very entertaining picture of the 
Snuggles Bear dressed in a leather bondage suit. 
Now comes the problem. About a week ago I was on 
trying to sign up my other E-mail address, because 
I am about to lose this one, and I decided to save 
the picture. To my surprise I could no longer find 
it!!!!! I just was wondering if by chance someone 
had called A. B. B. R. (Association for Bound Bears 
Rights) or if you had just taken it of. My demands 
you ask. I want the Bondage Bear back, a package of 
Slim Jims, and napkins for life.
Sincerely GR's
Terrorist Tim
Dear Terrorist Tim,

Um, we...er...ah...um....yuck.

-GR

A Man With Issues
From: Robert Brewer 
Subject: New game idea
Please use your influence with Eidos to get them to 
write a Tomb Raider game where Laura marries Santa 
Clause and then goes slowly insane and kills him.
I'm an accountant and I hate Santa Clause.
Love
Hirohito99
Dear Robert Hirohito99,

Maybe we can call the game "Tomb Reindeer."

Love,

-GR

Better Than Zeppo
From: "Mark Cunningham" (*******@hotmail.com)
Subject: I love you guys
You guys do a great job keep it up. I love that mail bag, 
and how you make fun of the white middle class teenagers 
with too much time than to bitch about video game and 
how your all idiots. How can I get a job playing video 
games, then reviewing it. Keep up the good work. 
Viva game revolution. Long live Karl Marx and unite 
the black power agaisnt the man and the system 
which opressed the black man.
Dear Mark,

Karl Marx is the answer. His big moustache, furry eyebrows and love of cigars make him our favorite Marx brother. I love the one where he's at that party with the socialites, and then that lady asks him what he's doing there, and then he takes her drink and pours it down her dress and says something funny.

-GR

Propogating Falsities
From: William Van Xavier Nguyen (*******@pop.uky.edu)
Subject: Metal Gear Solid
I think someone was asking about Adenine, Thymine, 
Guanine and Cytosine. They are the five nitrogenous 
bases (cytosine, guanine, adenine, thymine and uracil) 
that helps make up the code in DNA and RNA. These 
nitrogenous bases pair with one another to make the 
"step" of the DNA double-helix molecule.
Which would probably explain why they have it on REX. 
They are the bases of all DNA, and hence the genome 
project. Hope it helps :)
Bill Nguyen
Dear Bill,

DNA and RNA? Aren't those new hip hop groups?

Besides, we all know that the origin of life doesn't come from your so-called "science." It comes from a little bird we like to call the "stork." Duh!

-GR

Running For Office?
From: "dacus" (*******@ixlmemphis.com)
Subject: The Crow
Before I get started on this, thanks for posting my 
E-MAIL on your censorship issue. I hope many 
people got to read it. The reason I'm writing this E-MAIL 
is because I just read your mailbag about the game, and 
the movie 'The Crow'. 
These people who are bashing you and telling you 
that you should not say those things about the movie 
or the game must not live in the United States. 
Because if they do, they have forgotten one 
thing........it's a free country. You can say whatever 
you want whether they like it or not. Kind of reminds 
me that CyberPatrol thinks GR should be blocked for 
inappropriate viewing. The lesson to be learned here 
is that all these issues are a matter of opinion. 
Just keep doing what you have been doing GR, a 
good job. As I said before, it's a free 
country....................isn't it?

Oh Beautiful, for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain....for purple mountains, majesty...

-GR

Brilliant Behinds
From: ********@cs.com
Subject: Thats Nice
It's great that you guys run a sweet site that 
gives the best cheats and codes, but do you gotta 
be such smartasses? I thought not.
It's not our fault that our asses are so smart. We don't even let them read!

-GR

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