I Just Woke From the Most Interesting Dream
Posted on Monday, June 25 @ 06:45:48 Eastern by Heath_HindmanI don't always dream at night, but when I do, they're Pulitzer material.
Okay whoa, shit, guys, seriously, I had this crazy dream last night. So there was this highly anticipated game -- not highly anticipated by people who had played it, but just people all hyped up by the marketing machine. Then it came out, and the reviews were positive, but not like, unlimited showers of endless praise bordering on fellatio. Praise, but not worship.
Dream Heath expected this to not cause much of a scene. But lo, there was outrage. There were forums threads popping up all around popular game discussion sites and weblogs, talking about who was paid off and who wasn't, and how some people didn't have any "credibility", which I put in quotes because even in a dream world, it was odd to see it associated with an opinion. Oh well, triple-A game got positive reviews that weren't as positive as some people were expecting beforehand, they got a little mad. A year down the road, the masses mostly forgot about the game anyay, oddly enough. It was almost as if the reviews were right to call the game great but not legendary, which was ironic. But whatever. We moved on, right?
No. We didn't.
You mother fucker.
It kept happening!
All these games kept coming out, somehow getting pre-assigned review scores and comments from the public that disagreed with critiques by media outlets, and for some reason, there was ire because of this. Some reviewers caved into the demands of the angry and inflated their review scale. Eventually, a 4/5, or 8/10, or B, or 80%, became something representing a negative evaluation rather than a positive one. I felt out of place in this bizarro world.
Dream Heath tried to run, but the internet chased him like whoa. Dream Heath punched the internet in its face, but since this was a dream, face punches were wholly ineffective (why is that!?).
I ended up covered in honey and baking in the early morning sun, so I knew I was awake and back to reality. I'm glad I could get back to my normal life and not spend another minute in that fucked-up universe of my dream. I would not want to live in a world like that.
Stay real, my friends.
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