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MMORP - Rating Pending

Posted on Thursday, May 18 @ 22:13:01 PST by Ben_Silverman
Email subject lines that contain the words "lesbian" and "action" don't often make it out of the spam filter. Thank Python this one did. Technically, it reads "Lesbian gaming action on Redlight" Sounded legitimate, if outrageously exciting, so I kept reading:

A Safe Online Environment to Experiment with your Sexuality! Introduces Bi-Sexuality into Online Gaming (and get a tattoo or piercing while you’re at it)

I wasn't aware that bi-sexuality was missing from online games, or required, or pertinent in any way other than to scare homophobic 14 year-olds from talking too much in the Auction house. But hey, I'm an open-minded pervert, so after a very quick shower, I investigated further:

Los Angeles, CA, May 17, 2006 –, the world’s first Massively Multi-User Erotic Community, is introducing a whole new twist to the community’s “Adult’s-Only” area today with the introduction of motion-capture, photo-realistic “Girl-on-Girl Avatar Intimacy.”

HOTT. Tell me more! is an online 3D virtual reality space in which users are represented by lifelike “Avatars.”  Unlike other MMO’s such as “World of Warcraft” or “The Sims,” is an adult-themed space where nudity and sex are not only permitted, but represent a primary entertainment aspect.

With today’s introduction of lesbian sex (where users can try everything from simple romantic kissing to elaborate sex toys,) the community producers hope to provide a safe space for women to be able to explore their sexuality.

Wait, a safe space like...the Internet? Where fifty year-old pedophiles lurk in teen chat rooms trying to score some bad weed and a date? Sure, nothing shady goes on there. And what better way to explore your sexuality than in front of a monitor and a keyboard? Hmmmm...maybe I take that back.

But I might never get past the fact that someone is actually trying to convince me that this newfangled porn featuring some of the worst graphics I've seen in five years is going to compete with, like World of Warcraft. Let's find out what the president has to say about this:

“Nothing like this has ever existed before,” said Ray Schwartz, President of  “This isn’t a simple chat room, and it doesn’t require a woman to commit to a live in-the-flesh sexual encounter.  It’s a very lifelike way to allow any woman who might be curious about being with other women to try out the fantasy from the safety of her own home, but with a surprisingly real sensation of actually performing and engaging in the intimate act.”

If experimenting with bi-sexuality isn’t your thing, has added numerous other experimental features in the past week, including the ability for users to pierce their avatars.  Before sticking themselves with a needle through their actual flesh, users can try out a piercing of their avatar’s eyebrows, nose, lips, or they can pierce an assortment of other “unmentionables.”

Awesome. So in addition to experimenting with men pretending to be lesbians, women can punch fake balls through their fake nipples to see how it doesn't actually feel. Okay, admittedly, I'm into that.

Look, I have nothing against lesbians in gaming. In fact, I often attempt to get more lesbians involved in other parts of my life, like the bathing parts. But when porn peddlers horn in on gaming by putting common words like avatar in quotes and calling The Sims an MMO, I get a little pissy. You don't need gaming to make a buck, Roy, you just need some motion-capped hookers and a decent graphics engine. Call me when you get either.

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