Paris Hilton Can Kiss My E3 Pass

Nerd that I am, I was on my way to a meeting with the makers of EVE Online. I could see the booth ahead of me, but one of those annoying crowds was in my way, blocking the whole hallway. Fanboys, I assume, jumping around to get free T-shirts or a signed poster from some baseball player.

“Excuse me, excuse me, excuseme excuseme…” I began as I shouldered my way through the mass of people like the protagonist in Assassin’s Creed. I emerged on the other side, and started walking towards my meeting where I was excited to check out EVE’s new spaceships.

Suddenly, some guy is grabbing at me. I shove him off my arm and he starts shouting at me that I have to go around.

He’s in one of those standard unmarked security outfits; T-shirt and slacks with a dark suit jacket. If he were outdoors, he would have been wearing sunglasses.

“I have a meeting right THERE!” I shouted back at him, advancing on him. Another security guy moved to intercept. They’re still shouting at me about how I can’t go through and I’m shouting back how some people are here at E3 because we have jobs to do and meetings to attend.

Now we’ve attracted the attention of a stern looking cop who moves in to break it up. I wasn’t allowed through.

So when I arrived for my meeting in the both next door (via the long way 'round), I asked the whet the hell was going on. “Paris Hilton,” they informed me. I didn’t stop laughing for the next five minutes.

I find out later that she’s there because there’s a cellphone game with her name on it. Except, as it turns out, she doesn’t even know the name of her own game.