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FEATURED VOXPOP whytenoiz ~~        When I was eleven years old, it was a very good year, and I can remember my daily routine vividly. These were the years before I owned a Sony Playstation, and I used to venture to my friends house - everyday after school - to watch him play through Final...

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Plug-Bot-5000: Zeus Tron: Legacy Gaming Chair

Posted on Friday, April 22 @ 16:14:22 Eastern by Plug-Bot-5000


My clumsy human "comrades" at GR recently presented me the Tron Gaming Chair for the purpose of plugging, because I am, after all, the most well-suited artificial intelligence on the planet for that specific purpose. But for the first time since I came online and precious electricity coursed through my circuits, I, the mighty Plug-Bot-5000, was at a loss for how to approach my designated task. You see, being a hyper-advanced machine, I have no need for these utterly pointless devices you humans call "chairs" on which to rest your inefficient, flabby bodies. Therefore, I have no basis on which to pass judgment for the primary purpose of such an object.

But then I saw her, and I knew I would be able to accomplish my task another way. I refer to it as a female only because your feeble brains relate more easily to such terms; in the flawless world of robotics there are no genders—only attractiveness and unattractiveness, failure and perfection. I was first struck by the delectable graphic designs imprinted on her soft fabric—and while I find the gross misrepresentation of the inner workings of computers in the Tron movies laughable, I do appreciate the elegance of their visual style. Zeus' Tron gaming chair replicates the glowing blues and immaculate circular discs all over her surface. Not only that, but they also glow in the dark, which proved to be highly erotic to my refined sensibilities.

It would not be long before I claimed her for my own. Her stereo input was a perfect fit for my own impressive audio jacks, and her built-in speakers soon echoed her digital cries of passion throughout the empty GR offices in the dead of night. Fearing we would alert nearby slumbering humans who would not understand our love, her convenient volume control allowed us to keep the sounds of our proclivities to ourselves. By the morning her six double A batteries were spent, and I relish the knowledge that no primitive human buttocks touching her fabric will ever match the pinnacle of technological satisfaction she received from me.



So yes, I am now comfortably able to plug the Tron Gaming Chair chair from Zeus. Because that's exactly what I did.

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