Retro Revolution: Five Games Fanboys Need To Shut Up About
Posted on Saturday, June 2 @ 13:05:15 PST by KevinS
This sort of topic has been on my mind for a while now. I loves me some classics, but there are a few that I'm just so sick and tired of hearing about. So I'm just going to spill my guts a bit here, just to get them out into the ether.
So let's start the fire, shall we? (No, Billy Joel, not talking to you. Keep away.)
5. Kid Icarus (NES)
Yes, we're all happy Pit got a sequel. Twelve years late, but better late than never. But do you actually remember playing it the first time? I've given the history behind the "series" of three games before, and did I mention they're difficult? It's that game from our collective youth that makes me want to shoot an arrow through my own head after almost getting through the first stage… for the seventeenth time.
4. Mega Man 2/3 (NES)
So they're usually seen as the best of the original series of Mega Man games. I don't care anymore, because any time one is brought up somebody else wants to start a fight about the other game being better. If I say "I like the second game because…" I'm cut off by insistence that I just don't know what I'm talking about.
Maybe it's just people I know. But every time it comes up I want to shoot myself with my own Mega Buster.
3. E.T. The Extraterrestrial (2600)
It wasn't a great game, but after you look into it, the story's fascinating enough to save the bland gameplay. Atari got the rights to the game in June, and they needed a game for the Christmas season. So Howard Scott Warshaw developed the game—alone—in reportedly five weeks. FIVE. WEEKS. And even if the game itself doesn't make too much sense, it's remarkably good-looking for a five-week, super-rushed project, doesn't it?'
2. Pokémon (insert color of your choice) (insert platform of choice)
The first games, Red and Blue? AMAZING. Basic, but engaging in every way. Every Pokémon game after that? Essentially the exact same thing. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but there aren't enough changes to get me excited anymore, and I'm getting tired of the same game released in so many colors. "The next one's gonna be called 'Pokemon Salmon-Pink'. I read about it already. You didn't know?"
Maybe that's a petty reason, but it already annoys me more than a little that every game comes out in two colored forms. Even more than that, that the idea spread into other series... Mega Man: Battle Network 7 - The Search for Curly's Gold, anyone?
1. Final Fantasy VII (PSOne)
I could go the rest of my life without ever hearing about how great a protagonist Cloud is, or how racist Barret's character and design are. (There ain't no getting offa this train we on!") Or how certain nerds go on about how hot Tifa is. Newsflash: You're NOT getting a remake. And let's be blunt, do you really want one after playing through the original incarnation for the hundredth time? Or do you want a remake simply because your discs have been worn down so far they can be used as ninja stars?
What games make YOU want to strangle a fanboy over?
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Far Cry 5 World trailer. (2:09)
Far Cry 5
Field video for Far Cry 5. (0:37)
Far Cry 5
Church trailer. (0:39)
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Choices trailer. (2:19)
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