DAILY MANIFESTO

Revolutionary Rant: Metacritic Abusers

Posted on Friday, April 22 @ 01:44:47 Eastern by Daniel Bischoff

There was quite a bit of time where I just didn't get mad enough about any one particular subject. Didn't you ever wonder "where'd the Revolutionary Rant go?" Didn't you ask yourself "Why hasn't Daniel gotten mad recently?" You wouldn't like me mad.

Of course, there's a strong difference between indifferent and mad. Recent events involving Anonymous, Sony, and video games (I think you know what I'm talking about) were enough to boil the blood of some individuals, but I abstained. I was in a good place. I was in a state of bewitched benevolence. The efforts of Anonymous in the past weeks were so hilariously, uproariously unorganized, inefficient and... pointless is the word I'm looking for. Yes, Anonymous was about as useless as the two limpest penises in the whole world.

Now, if they're behind the PSN outage I might have a few choice words for them, but they're not claiming to be, so instead I turn my anger, my violent, furious fingers to other subjects:

The Metacritic userbase.

Fuck you. Seriously, what's the matter with you? Maybe earlier in the week I would have cared less about you peeons, choosing instead to laugh at your unfortunate state of debilitating stupidity. Unfortunately for you, I just finished Portal 2 today. While the readers here at Game Revolution will have to wait until tomorrow to hear about it, I can give you my full attention now that the reviewing is done. And that's exactly what I intend to do.

The world woke up on Tuesday morning to find your dribble, your fanboy ramblings, your absolutely horrid remarks. I already highlighted a select few of them, but when I visit Metacritic's user reviews for Portal 2 they're nearly all hidden from view. The world will now completely forget reviews like "The co-op robots clearly rip off of Mario and Luigi. When will PC gamers stop ripping off of the purity of console games? Since this game isn't coming out for Wii there's no way I'm playing it." What a shame.

Even the blatantly negative reviews that somehow struggle their way to the top manage to stink of idiocy, unabashed fanboy anger, and bias. Let's take a look at CathySanders's Profile at Metacritic. I submit the following screenshot:

I'll spare you from this user's reviews of Minecraft, World of Warcraft and Portal 2. Why? They're garbage. They suck. The writing is trash and the language is plain boring. I wish I didn't open my eyes while visiting the page. Stay away from this user's reviews, I mean trash. Good job CathySanders for insulting me with your stupid words.

I'll be honest: I'm struggling with this rant. I mean, these people are so laughably inept! CathySanders is either secretly dreaming of becoming the next Yahtzee or a 14 year-old with access to his mother's Metacritic account.

I can't stand it anymore. Metacritic, you're a fucking joke. Seriously. So are you members. I hate you. I hate you all. Go die in a fire. If you can't accomplish that, then go outside on a rainy day, look up, and open your mouths. Stare dumbly into the sky like the chicken-headed morons you are and wait for death. Your decomposing bodies would do more for civilization than anything you contribute to the critical world.

Now I have a headache from reading this garbage.

Related Games: Portal 2

Tags: revolutionary rant, Portal 2, metacritic

Comments

213EDD
Joined: Sep 2007

Posted: Apr 21st, 2011 at 10:09 pm
Bravo! excellent! i especially liked the part where you put that ***** on BLAST. Michael Jackson game a 10!? This ***** is ****ing nuts!. Sorry for the language but words cannot explain how terrible she is. And daniel I thought portal 2 was the greatest game that ever happened to me. 100% love for it all the way through. and i didn't even start co-op yet xD This rant just made you my hero. and whats a metacritic? i never been there LOL

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daverabbit
Joined: Oct 2008

Posted: Apr 21st, 2011 at 10:54 pm
From a strictly humorous context I laughed at those reviews, if thats what they were going for. If they were being serious then god help us all. I would have to guess that this CathySanders is on there just to be an extremist d-bag. There is no way anyone could possibly take those reviews seriously. I don't use metacritic at all and I don't know any legitimate gamer who would use it as a basis for their decision to buy a game.

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cyberjim2000
Joined: Feb 2010

Posted: Apr 21st, 2011 at 11:12 pm
Wow, after skimming through her metacritic profile, I'd say she either has a garbage fetish or need a thesaurus badly.

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JCD
Joined: Sep 2006

Posted: Apr 22nd, 2011 at 2:56 am
I couldn't care less about it all. Anyone who takes anything on Metacritic seriously needs a good slap. It's an atrocity and not just because of silly member reviews. I second the die in a fire idea!

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wildmario
Joined: Jan 2007

Posted: Apr 22nd, 2011 at 7:22 am
I think these "reviews" are just trolls getting attention. People think being the biggest douche on any game like Yahtzee will gain them massive amounts of attention.

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Klandathu
Joined: Apr 2008

Posted: Apr 22nd, 2011 at 7:37 am
That was just wonderful.

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Bandilazino
Joined: Dec 2009

Posted: Apr 22nd, 2011 at 8:31 am
First rule of the internet: don't feed the trolls. While there are some genuinely ignorant reviews on there I'm sure, the vast majority are /v/ tards deciding they're doing something right or just in their silly little heads. OR are just trolling it up a bit, but yes some are stupid and on purpose they did launch an "attack" on portal 2's metascore.

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C_nate
Joined: Apr 2009

Posted: Apr 22nd, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Well, like we started to discuss in the other article, the score fixing works both ways. You are cherry picking to bolster your side of the argument. Now go back and find terrible or mediocre games that game review sites all gave perfect scores to a game that obviously did not deserve it. Metacritic works when you want to get general consensus about a game. That is, you don't read one user review and one game site review, you read multiple ones. I'm willing to sift through garbage reviews to read unbiased ones from fair users (they do exist) because they will list the pros and the cons that game sites might sometimes overlook or gloss over...(cont)

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C_nate
Joined: Apr 2009

Posted: Apr 22nd, 2011 at 5:19 pm
(cont)The game review industry is broken. On a 1 to 10 scale, almost all games are scored on the 7 to 10 side of the scale. I thought on a 1 to 10 scale 5 meant average, but a 5 now means bad cause everything else is 7 and up. The whole scale has shifted. Add in swag, field trips, and access to early games to review, a lot of sites just can't be trusted to give a completely unbiased review.

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