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Round Mound of RPGs

Posted on Thursday, February 1 @ 19:13:40 PST by Joe_Dodson
What hasn't Charles Barkley done? He's rumbled with Godzilla, tumbled with Shaq, kissed Kenny Smith's ass, spit in a little girl's face, challenged an old man to a sprinting contest, and thrown a younger man through a stained-glass window. And in spite of it all, he has ever remained humble, claiming "I am not a role model," but rather "I'm just what America needs: another unemployed black man." Well, he's always been a role model to us, but he's never been a role-playing game.

Until now.

The last time Barkley and popular Japenese entertainment met, a Nike commercial was born. This time, the spawn is a ludicrous RPG by Chef Boyardee (otherwise known for his economically priced pasta dishes) called Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden. According to the description (as seen here on the selectbutton forums):

"The Great B-Ball Purge of 2041, a day so painful to some that it is referred to only as the "B-Ballnacht". Thousands upon thousands of the world's greatest ballers were massacred in a swath of violence and sports bigotry as the game was outlawed worldwide. The reason: the Chaos Dunk, a jam so powerful its mere existence threatens the balance of chaos and order. Among the few ballers and fans that survived the basketball genocide was Charles Barkley, the man capable of performing the "Verboten Jam"...

Flash forward 12 years to the post-cyberpocalyptic ruins of Neo New York, 2053. A Chaos Dunk rocks the island of Manhattan, killing 15 million. When the finger is put on the aging Charles Barkley, he must evade the capture of the B-Ball Removal Department, led by former friend and baller Michael Jordan, and disappear into the dangerous underground of the post-cyberpocalypse to clear his name and find out the mysterious truth behind the Chaos Dunk. Joined by allies along the way, including his son Hoopz, Barkley must face the dangers of a life he thought he gave up a long time ago and discover the secrets behind the terrorist organization B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S.

If you haven't already downloaded this greatest (and only?) product of RPG Maker 2003, watch this awesome trailer. Then shut up and jam.

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