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DAILY MANIFESTO

Someone Told Someone Something: Apple CEO Visits Valve

Posted on Friday, April 13 @ 13:27:55 Eastern by Daniel Bischoff

In the world of bull shit internet journalism, there's only one way to get ahead: make shit up. The best way to do that and still be a part of the world of bull shit internet journalism? Anonymous sources! Someone Told Someone Something is a news feature at GameRevolution where we take the piss out of anyone citing an anonymous source. Maybe they shouldn't fucking talk if they don't want us to know their names!

The players in the home computer market are limited, but powerful. There's Bill Gates, Tim Cook, and that's pretty much it. Sure there are a ton of other executives out there, but in regards to video games, there are very few you need to know.

Gabe Newell and Valve's Steam service are probably the biggest players in the PC gaming market as it is today. Apple is the big player in the mobile market. What if you could put those two in the same room together? What would that mean?

Apparently, backlinks, page views, and general excitement were too much for one outlet today who decided to report that Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, was "spotted" at Valve headquarters in Washington.

....

Spotted? Who spotted Cook there? Who saw him walking through the doors? Did someone take a picture of Cook turning the big Valve in the lobby? Who? WHO? WHO THE FUCK SAW HIM THERE?

I'm actually surprised at the restraint here. If you're going to put someone in a location with no evidence whatsoever, you really could have gone hog wild with the headline while you're at it. Try these:

APPLE BUYS VALVE, STEAM GOES MAC OS X ONLY

VALVE AND APPLE TEAM UP TO PUT GORDON FREEMAN ON THE MOON

APPLE REVEALS HALF-LIFE 3, VALVE REVEALS THE NEW iPHONE 5

I cannot believe what you're saying if you can't put a witness in front of me. Why bother reporting on it if there's no credibility? If there's no news? If it's all just wasted effort, why do we even bother? Give me a goddam source and then I'll give you the backlink you're so clearly desperate for.

Tags: Someone Told Someone Something, Apple, Valve, ios, PC, steam

Comments

Fieperskaivu
Joined: May 2011

Posted: Apr 13th, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Obviously they are developing the Portal gun.

0 1

Bras
Joined: Jul 2008

Posted: Apr 13th, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Oh Daniel you made me laugh at work, how dare you!

But seriously, the haven't said anything because the truth is TIM OFFERS TO COOK SOME APPLE TO GO WITH VALVE'S CAKE.

0 1

Fieperskaivu
Joined: May 2011

Posted: Apr 13th, 2012 at 3:06 pm
The Apple is a lie.

0 1

tinymhg
Joined: Jun 2011

Posted: Apr 13th, 2012 at 2:47 pm
STEAM GOES MAC OS X ONLY

That's a ton of Bull Shirt! I'm starting a petition to stop this.

0 1

wildmario
Joined: Jan 2007

Posted: Apr 13th, 2012 at 3:50 pm
Apple could never work with Valve. The next ipad wouldn't come out until 5 years later.

0 0

OdiousLupous
Joined: Jul 2011

Posted: Apr 13th, 2012 at 8:41 pm
Why does everyone assume it would be a business collaboration in this fictitious meeting? He could just as easily be having a secret homosexual relationship with one of Valves employees. You wanna come to my iPad for some iTouch?

0 0

pennpsu
Joined: Sep 2010

Posted: Apr 14th, 2012 at 10:27 am
Neon Indian. Sleep paralysis

0 0