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DAILY MANIFESTO

Someone Told Someone Something: PS4 Not Using Cell

Posted on Wednesday, February 29 @ 14:55:14 Eastern by

In the world of bull shit internet journalism, there's only one way to get ahead: make shit up. The best way to do that and still be a part of the world of bull shit internet journalism? Anonymous sources! Someone Told Someone Something is a news feature at GameRevolution where we take this piss out of anyone citing an anonymous source. Maybe they shouldn't fucking talk if they don't want us to know their names!

It honestly feels like we've been talking about this a lot lately, but what's with all the anonymous sources? Today, someone told someone something. (Yes, yes, here you go.)

Apparently, Sony, who've said clearly that they're not talking about the PlayStation 4, a next generation PlayStation console, because it would clearly distract from their current business model, has gone and let someone know that the PlayStation 4 is totally in development and that it won't be using the high-end Cell Processor, currently used in the PlayStation 3.

What?! PLAYSTATION 4?! HOLY SHIT WE HAVE TO CLICK ON THIS PAGE AND GET A TON OF FUCKING VIEWS OMGOMGOMGOMG.

And honestly, do you think Sony's locking anything down? At best, this rumor, of which we have no source whatsofuckingever, suggests that Sony MIGHT use a different processor in their next home console. So what? What does it matter?

No one cares at this point. To consumers, the PlayStation 4 is some mythical helmet thing that gives you sex hallucinations. To 90% of consumers, the PlayStation 3 is sitting in their homes or on store shelves at fucking Target and fucking Walmart, and that's all they need to know. Just because we live in a 24 hour news cycle, always on, always running, all the goddam time, doesn't mean you need to bring this shit up like you've uncovered proof that Jesus had sex with some woman and they had a baby.

You are not the fucking Da Vinci Code guy, no one is. He's made up.

And another thing, how do you write over 500 words about this bull shit? Someone said like three words to you, what, over the phone? In an e-mail? If they can tell you this over an e-mail then they can be sourced. It's not that hard. Anyways, 500 words about "the PlayStation 4 might not use a Cell processor chip...." I've probably written that many words, but I have pure anger to feed off of.

Maybe if you write a really long article it'll seem more legit, right? YOU ASK MORE QUESTIONS THAN YOU ANSWER GODDAMIT. News is supposed to inform! News is supposed to have an actual source. You either saw the fucking thing happen, or someone told you. <-- PERIOD, SEE IT?

What the fuck. Come talk to me when you can actually provide someone to interrogate further, not your "industry sources." Who the hell is that? I could be an industry source for God's sake. Would you ever believe me? Here, look at me go:

The Wii U will also toast bread. BOOM, report that shit everyone.


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