DAILY MANIFESTO

Someone Told Someone Something: PS4 Not Using Cell

Posted on Wednesday, February 29 @ 14:55:14 Eastern by Daniel Bischoff

In the world of bull shit internet journalism, there's only one way to get ahead: make shit up. The best way to do that and still be a part of the world of bull shit internet journalism? Anonymous sources! Someone Told Someone Something is a news feature at GameRevolution where we take this piss out of anyone citing an anonymous source. Maybe they shouldn't fucking talk if they don't want us to know their names!

It honestly feels like we've been talking about this a lot lately, but what's with all the anonymous sources? Today, someone told someone something. (Yes, yes, here you go.)

Apparently, Sony, who've said clearly that they're not talking about the PlayStation 4, a next generation PlayStation console, because it would clearly distract from their current business model, has gone and let someone know that the PlayStation 4 is totally in development and that it won't be using the high-end Cell Processor, currently used in the PlayStation 3.

What?! PLAYSTATION 4?! HOLY SHIT WE HAVE TO CLICK ON THIS PAGE AND GET A TON OF FUCKING VIEWS OMGOMGOMGOMG.

And honestly, do you think Sony's locking anything down? At best, this rumor, of which we have no source whatsofuckingever, suggests that Sony MIGHT use a different processor in their next home console. So what? What does it matter?

No one cares at this point. To consumers, the PlayStation 4 is some mythical helmet thing that gives you sex hallucinations. To 90% of consumers, the PlayStation 3 is sitting in their homes or on store shelves at fucking Target and fucking Walmart, and that's all they need to know. Just because we live in a 24 hour news cycle, always on, always running, all the goddam time, doesn't mean you need to bring this shit up like you've uncovered proof that Jesus had sex with some woman and they had a baby.

You are not the fucking Da Vinci Code guy, no one is. He's made up.

And another thing, how do you write over 500 words about this bull shit? Someone said like three words to you, what, over the phone? In an e-mail? If they can tell you this over an e-mail then they can be sourced. It's not that hard. Anyways, 500 words about "the PlayStation 4 might not use a Cell processor chip...." I've probably written that many words, but I have pure anger to feed off of.

Maybe if you write a really long article it'll seem more legit, right? YOU ASK MORE QUESTIONS THAN YOU ANSWER GODDAMIT. News is supposed to inform! News is supposed to have an actual source. You either saw the fucking thing happen, or someone told you. <-- PERIOD, SEE IT?

What the fuck. Come talk to me when you can actually provide someone to interrogate further, not your "industry sources." Who the hell is that? I could be an industry source for God's sake. Would you ever believe me? Here, look at me go:

The Wii U will also toast bread. BOOM, report that shit everyone.

Tags: ps3, Someone Told Someone Something, rumor

Comments

NecroWolf
Joined: Oct 2005

Posted: Feb 29th, 2012 at 3:04 pm
Hey guys, check it out, Daniel's Hulking out. In all honesty, though, I agree.

0 2

LawnGnome
Joined: Apr 2007

Posted: Feb 29th, 2012 at 3:16 pm
I think GR needs to create and maintain some sort of next-gen console rumor chart. It would be interesting to see what rumors turn out to be true and which are bullshit once the damn things are actually released. You could even have a section to keep track of which news outlets were most correct and which spewed the most ****.

0 1

spartan317
Joined: Dec 2005

Posted: Feb 29th, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Can we do this? Do we have the technology?

Gee Daniel... Never seen you this fired up before...

0 1

danielrbischoff
Joined: Nov 2009

Posted: Feb 29th, 2012 at 5:08 pm
On it. Yeah I'm kind of pissed. All these outlets have so many opportunities and yet they still need to make **** up.

0 1

Bretimus_v2
Joined: Jan 2009

Posted: Feb 29th, 2012 at 4:00 pm
Well, it is all about Next Gen here at GR.

0 1

213EDD
Joined: Sep 2007

Posted: Feb 29th, 2012 at 6:57 pm
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

0 1

Chunibrow
Joined: Mar 2010

Posted: Feb 29th, 2012 at 9:42 pm
Jeez Dan I have havn't seen the F word written on one webpage this many times since the last time I visited Spankwire.

So it's only been 5 minutes but still that was alot of swearing!

0 1

CaptainPicard
Joined: Sep 2010

Posted: Mar 1st, 2012 at 3:38 am
I love these types of honest to god rants! Nice Manifesto :)

im an industry source, and im here to say that you nailed it...PS4 is indeed a sex helmet.

0 0

Bras
Joined: Jul 2008

Posted: Mar 1st, 2012 at 8:14 am
What?? I'm so buying a Wii U! Sorry toaster, but your days are numbered.

www.amazon.com/Hello-Kitty-2-Slice-Toaster-Exterior/dp/B004T2O4CA/ref=sr_1_1?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1330618352&sr=1-1

0 0

UghRochester
Joined: Jun 2006

Posted: Mar 1st, 2012 at 9:17 am
Fucking right man! Let's start a riot. FUCK YEAH!

0 0