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STSS: Gabe Newell: Steam Box? Nahhh

Posted on Thursday, March 8 @ 15:28:18 PST by

In the world of bull shit internet journalism, there's only one way to get ahead: make shit up. The best way to do that and still be a part of the world of bull shit internet journalism? Anonymous sources! Someone Told Someone Something is a news feature at GameRevolution where we take the piss out of anyone citing an anonymous source. Maybe they shouldn't fucking talk if they don't want us to know their names!

Hey everyone! Valve is making a console! It's going to be called the Steam Box... or something! Seriously! It's happening! Anonymous sources! HAHAHAHA! SO TRUE.

What a bunch of assholes. Of course, Gabe Newell, speaking with Kotaku, has completely debunked these rumors and refocused everyone on something they're actually working on: Steam Big Picture Mode UI. The new Steam mode will allow users to expand their experience for their big-screen TVs.

Hm, you don't think that could have been what Valve engineers were building custom-made PCs for?

We're also doing a bunch of different experiments with biometric feedback and stuff like that, which we've talked about a fair amount. All of that is stuff that we're working on, but it's a long way from Valve shipping any sort of hardware.

Oh really? I'm so surprised by that because you know... anonymous sources are so fucking reliable. What a bunch of jerks. Thanks for clearing things up Gabe.

This is the kind of stuff that drives gamers crazy. You get us all riled up about the possibility of something and instead of going straight to the source, you run with anonymous sources. Who were these people? What the fuck is wrong with you?

The worst part about this whole situation is that Valve is one of the most up-front, approachable companies in this industry. Regular gamers consistently e-mail Newell and get responses from the head of one of game's most forward thinking developers.

These journalists are ACTUALLY HIGH UP ENOUGH THAT THEY CAN JUST FUCKING CALL THESE GUYS AND ASK. What the hell is that? Follow up on rumors! Ask questions, don't run your story with anonymous sources!


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